karen5676

Hi. I am four days sober and was searching the internet for some inspiration this morning and found this website to be the most helpful. My problem... wine, and lots of it. I thought it wasn't a problem for so long because I started out only drinking a glass or two after the kids went to bed. This past year, my drinking has really accelerated. I started a stressful new job and found that I was drinking daily, not until I was really drunk, I saved that for Fridays and Saturdays. Why am I here? I have lost the "stop" button that used to go off in my head to tell me that I have had enough. I have had several embarrassing nights of blackouts, and throwing up over the summer. I realize that I have no control anymore. I can't just have one glass of wine. I want the whole bottle, or maybe more than that. My husband is very tolerant and has said NOTHING the whole time until last Wednesday night. The last night that I drank. I returned from my friends house across the street, went upstairs, and threw up violently all over the bathroom. It was a horrible mess. I guess I threw up several times that night. I have no recollection of that. I just knew when I got to my bathroom the next morning and saw the terrible mess, that I had to stop.

FYI My father and two out of three brothers are alcoholics.... I should have known better.

I don't know what else to say. I am praying a lot. I am trying to fight off the voice in my head that tries to convince me that it's summer... go ahead and have a beer....

Thanks for listening.

lulu70

Hey Karen--Welcome to SR!!! I am Laura and I am an alkie/pothead with a precious 6 months of sobriety. Congratulations on the days you have accumulated so far. It gets easier...

Do you have some sort of support group? I have found AA to be a God-send.

I have to go get ready for work, but I will check on you later.

Hang in there--others will be along soon.

Hugs--

Dan

Hi Karen, and welcome.
I'm an addict, and in the last ten years, alcohol was my favorite poison.
Never was able to have just one drink. I knew I was in trouble five years ago. I recognized all the symptoms of alcoholism. I thought, as the sick people we are often do, that I could somehow control myself.
Nope.
I found help last year, after I almost lost everything. AA, and the men and women I met there, helped me find a way to start living without alcohol and other drugs.
Regardless if you choose to get the help of a support program like AA or any of the others available, it all starts with staying sober today.
Glad you're here.

Anna

Hi Karen,

Welcome! I'm Anna, recovering alcoholic and I should have known better too. But, sometimes it's hard to see the things that are happening to you.

This is a great place for support and I hope you hang around and get to know us.

Love, Anna

Jalyn

Hi Karen,

I can relate to your story! You are not alone! I came here just over a week ago searching for help and have been able to stay off the alcohol for a week now. I took it one day at a time as I still am. My goal this week is to attend at least one AA meeting. It is so hard to admit to a problem for me. I have never gotten into trouble or done anything to cause anyone harm...YET.

However, I know I have a problem and HAVE to stop drinking. It will only get worse. This past year, I too, have had so much stress that my drinking quickly went from drinking after the kids went to bed to drinking before dinner and then too much on the weekends.

For the first time in my life, I realized that I am not in control of the drinking, it is in control of me.

I hope you keep coming back and reading and posting. The people here are very supportive and have so much to share.

Welcome! Jalyn

Suckerpunched

Hi, Karen,
Not only are our names the same, our stories are the same! Wine is my "vice"! Love the buzz, hate the hangovers! I too started out slow, was able to enjoy wine and then cut it off when I had enough! Eventually, I stopped realizing when enough was enough! This past year I really spun out of control! Lots of blackouts and passouts! My H also said nothing until he realized I was out of control! Didn't stop me, I just snuck behind his back, lied, hid bottles of wine, suffered some of the worst hangovers of my life, fell with our 2 year old, etc.........

Tried several times to "control my drinking", failed MISERABLY! Once I got the first glass of wine in me, I rationalized the rest of the bottle! I FINALLY got so sick and tired of being hung over, lying, sneaking, letting my kid and H down, I quit, 58 days ago! I tried several times to quit, had good intentions, I just couldn't or wouldn't do it! Always thought I could have just a couple glasses like before and stop! WRONG! I could go on and on with many drunk/embarrassing stories, but, we all have our stories!

The point is, You are on your way! DON'T DRINK! The more days you go w/o a drink the better you will feel! I PROMISE!

FMario

Hi Karen. I'm starting on day 2, and it's a tough go. Maybe we can do this together.
Take care,
FM =)

3legacy

(((((((Karen))))))))
After reading your post I can and do believe you are here!

Welcome to SR! My name is 3Legs, an alcoholic & grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Sounds like you have the predisposition with family members being alcoholics & plenty of personal experience opening the door to recognizing you might be an alcoholic just like me and many others.

Losing personal control of the "Stop button" happened for me many, many years before I became ready to accept any assistance for my own drinking dilemma. I tried switching brands, switching seats on the Titanic, switching times and types of liquor, etc... in attempts to control my drinking. Bottom line for me was and is that I am quite simply - an alcoholic.

I have a physical allergy and mental obsession to alcohol which would have kept me in the toilet bowl swirl for even longer had a member of AA not taken the time to share his experience, strength, and hope with me. Oh yeah, I surfed a few meetings but never really heard the truth about my alcoholism, the disease concept, and the A.A. solution until he opened the door to one on one communications with me. He gave much of his time in showing me just how he and countless others were able to get out from under the merciless obsession. That plan of action was in the Big Book.

I have not had to take the first drink since his first approach on me and my honestly admitting my problem and accepting the fatal nature of my own alcoholism.

I hope and pray with you in your present dilemma. Great to see you reaching out for help. I know there is a way out that really works. I've never seen anyone fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Heck, I falter in following the path regularly. I am not a saint, but I still have not been swept off the beam. Maybe you can help me to stay on the beam.

Join me on a beam of sunlight.
(((((((Karen)))))))))
Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service,
Three Legs
:tri

2dayzmuse

(((Karen)))

Welcome to SR. I'm glad you found this site. It has become a God send to me. I'm definately a wino that could never get enough wine. One glass would never be enough, even if that was my initial intent. The last glass of wine I had, turned into a nine day binge ending in near fatal alcohol poisoning. What a wild and crazy ride that turned out to be. I still have a difficult time believing the turn that it took. I lost all control of rational thinking and control. The same results will always ensue no matter what my intentions would be. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and believe me, if I continue to try to control my drinking and not abstain, it will kill me. I've finally excepted that drinking will never be an option for me. With the help of AA and SR I have remained sober one day at a time for nearly two months. The longest I've ever gone without a drink, other then my pregnancies. Good luck in your journey to recovery. There is help out there and your not alone. There are countless people that can identify with your story completely. Keep coming back and seek the help that you need. There is hope and a solution.

Take care,

Talia