Changes and Accountability
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
Changes and Accountability
Hello SR:
Since joining I have had some decent spurts of sobriety, followed by the same old same old. I have tried, to no avail to sit on the fence about changes in my daily life. The biggest hurdle has been my relationships with friends. I have a core group of guys that I grew up with and we have been close friends. We have known each other for roughly 38 years. For over the last couple of years, I have tried to maintain sobriety and maintain my friendships.
I always knew, but finally came to the realization that I can no longer associate with these guys. I am not going to lie, I don't want it to be this way, but there is no other option. I cannot have it both ways as they are drinkers (one is an alcoholic with no plans to slow down) and they are not going to change. I want to change.
Scott from WI if you read this, you were and are right. I read your responses to many people and you have a reoccurring theme of separating from places and people that are based on alcohol. I really tried to live sober and keep my life long friends, but for me it cant be done.
Today is a pretty sad day in my life and an end to a chapter that I have written for many years. But at the end of the day what's more important....my well being or friends? I have always put my friends first as they are like brothers to me, but I can no longer do both. Thanks for listening / reading.
Since joining I have had some decent spurts of sobriety, followed by the same old same old. I have tried, to no avail to sit on the fence about changes in my daily life. The biggest hurdle has been my relationships with friends. I have a core group of guys that I grew up with and we have been close friends. We have known each other for roughly 38 years. For over the last couple of years, I have tried to maintain sobriety and maintain my friendships.
I always knew, but finally came to the realization that I can no longer associate with these guys. I am not going to lie, I don't want it to be this way, but there is no other option. I cannot have it both ways as they are drinkers (one is an alcoholic with no plans to slow down) and they are not going to change. I want to change.
Scott from WI if you read this, you were and are right. I read your responses to many people and you have a reoccurring theme of separating from places and people that are based on alcohol. I really tried to live sober and keep my life long friends, but for me it cant be done.
Today is a pretty sad day in my life and an end to a chapter that I have written for many years. But at the end of the day what's more important....my well being or friends? I have always put my friends first as they are like brothers to me, but I can no longer do both. Thanks for listening / reading.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It's a great realisation to have Charlie!! 
For me I needed to do the same, a Sober lifestyle increasingly started to push certain activities and people from my routines, and a change in activities and people was what was needed to make Sobriety happen.
For me I needed to do the same, a Sober lifestyle increasingly started to push certain activities and people from my routines, and a change in activities and people was what was needed to make Sobriety happen.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
A little over a year ago I too changed people, places and things as is the mantra of anyone getting sober who is committed.
A friend new my path and I did not speak with him on a regular basis anymore. Recently we have been back in touch - he of course asked if I'm still sober = yes.
He said to me........I think I have a problem.
Our sobriety can be a light for others just as others were for us. We never know where the journey takes us.
Glad you're here working on getting well with us!
Together WE stay sober.......
A friend new my path and I did not speak with him on a regular basis anymore. Recently we have been back in touch - he of course asked if I'm still sober = yes.
He said to me........I think I have a problem.
Our sobriety can be a light for others just as others were for us. We never know where the journey takes us.
Glad you're here working on getting well with us!
Together WE stay sober.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
Thanks Fly and Purple. I really thought I could be the exception to the rule and balance the "old" me and the "new" me, but it is futile.
Every time I hook up with these guys, the result is the same. I am not blaming them, my drinking is my problem not theirs. But its evident that I am in no condition to fight this thing when I am putting myself in situations I know I am going to fail.
It really bums me out, I have done everything with these guys, my whole life. I even tried to get them to jump on the wagon with me, but I guess we are looking at sobriety through different lenses because they want no part of the sober life.
It really is like losing members of my family.
Every time I hook up with these guys, the result is the same. I am not blaming them, my drinking is my problem not theirs. But its evident that I am in no condition to fight this thing when I am putting myself in situations I know I am going to fail.
It really bums me out, I have done everything with these guys, my whole life. I even tried to get them to jump on the wagon with me, but I guess we are looking at sobriety through different lenses because they want no part of the sober life.
It really is like losing members of my family.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Thank you for this, Charlie.
I have no doubt whatsoever that your conclusion is correct, and I feel for you. It is easy to get caught up in the " what-was-that-all-about-then" - ness of a change in attitude like this.
But, great friends never leave you.
Get well first. You may even inspire one of them, too.
I have no doubt whatsoever that your conclusion is correct, and I feel for you. It is easy to get caught up in the " what-was-that-all-about-then" - ness of a change in attitude like this.
But, great friends never leave you.
Get well first. You may even inspire one of them, too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 112
I hear you Charlie. All of my oldest and best friendships revolve around drinking. I am pretty sure that going down this road I will lose most if not all of them. It hurts but I too have let people fall out of my life when they weren't all about the booze. Hopefully we can find meaningful friendships outside of this problem we have.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Charlie, I can tell you first hand that you are 100% correct in your thinking. Its absolutely necessary if you want to retain any amount of quality of life for yourself. It will likely be difficult, there may be some resentment (at first) and a lot more free time on your hands. But you are making the right choice.
I went through this, and it was hard. But I lived to tell about it, and my life turned around for the better. Some of my friends did not want to quit or chose to think it could last forever. Those friends are now full of regret and living a difficult life. Stay strong and remain vigilant. Wishing you the best.
I went through this, and it was hard. But I lived to tell about it, and my life turned around for the better. Some of my friends did not want to quit or chose to think it could last forever. Those friends are now full of regret and living a difficult life. Stay strong and remain vigilant. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Charlie, I am hurting for you in your behalf but so proud of you. You have worked so hard at this, never giving up despite the stumbles. I can't wait to see you find real freedom. I know this is a difficult and painful decision but I really respect how seriously you are taking this. I'm here for you if you need to chat.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Scott's a pretty smart guy Charlie
I felt the loss too - I think my relationship with alcohol was one of the longest of my life.
but, looking back now, what I thought was an end was really a sonderful beginning
I've never regretted it Charlie
D
I felt the loss too - I think my relationship with alcohol was one of the longest of my life.
but, looking back now, what I thought was an end was really a sonderful beginning
I've never regretted it Charlie
D
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