Exhausted and losing motivation...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 18
Exhausted and losing motivation...
Ok, so I posted a little while ago about my bender and my promise to start over on day one. Yeah, that didn't happen, so today was my official day one. I haven't had a drink since yesterday at 11 am. This has just been a really stressful week. First the falling out with my sister, and then my work needed me to get a **** ton of overtime AND work over-nights. I'm an early riser, so getting home to go to bed at the time I normally get up just has not been working for me. Add the whole drunk part and I'm just basically dead right now. I killed almost 2 fifths of super schnapps in about 3 and a half days. I ended up getting so sick (I'm actually surprised I was able to work through that) and ended up 'maintenance' drinking for the rest of the week to ward off the hangover. But now I'm sober again.
Kind of. I also started smoking again (grrr!!) I told myself it would just be a one-time thing, and then that turned into a 'social' thing, and now here I am back where I was. It also doesn't help that my overnight reset team all smoke, so that's kind of fueled the fire. BUT quitting smoking is my priority right now. I don't even like smoking...until I want a cigarette I guess. Honestly, starting smoking again makes me feel worse than the drinking. At least with the drinking I understand why I'm doing it. I have no idea why I'm smoking other than because my brain is telling me it needs nicotine. Otherwise, my heart rate has gone way up, my throat is sore, and I get agitated with life about two hours after my last cigarette.
So, I've been thinking. And I need some help with this thought process. I quit smoking last March. Then, toward the end of April, I quit drinking. Then In June, I quit smoking weed. And for a couple weeks everything was great. But then I slipped with the booze. Now I've slipped with the cigarettes. I CAN'T slip with the weed (even though it's my favorite and the least harmful [for me, at least]) because I need to start looking for a better job.
K, so, I'm thinking, is that too fast to quit all my vices? I mean, I've gone years messed up on something, and then in the time span of four months I'm suddenly completely sober. I just think that maybe that's too fast. I can't give up everything all at once. It's just too hard.
But then the logical part of me says, "you're probably just saying that because of addiction." I mean, I know. I know that I'm super good at talking myself into these things. SO that's why I'm here now. Partly to hear someone say, "Stop being such a baby and just stay away from it all!" but also hoping someone will say, "Yeah, that's a pretty big shock to the psyche, maybe slowly wean yourself from these things..."
And there is a big part of me that's so pissed with myself for smoking and drinking again to the point where I just want to give up altogether. I mean, I want to go back to how I was with my sobriety and my working out, and eating well and sleeping well (stupid work!) but you can't turn back time. I wonder if this is just going to be my life. Cycling between productivity and self-destruction. I mean, that's what it's basically been so far. I don't like that life. But they say by the time you're in your 20's, you're the person you're going to be. Change is hard and maybe I'm not up to it. Hmm. Better stop talking like this now, I'm starting to get even more depressed and I can't go there right now.
Ok, I have to go to bed now because I have one last ****** day ahead of me because I have to go back to work in 4 hours. Ugh. SO, the game plan for now is to do what I have to to get through work tomorrow. Thankfully the liquor store doesn't open until 11, so cigarettes it is. But also, I'm throwing out the pack after work tomorrow. And now it's written down and hopefully I really can do that.
Also, thanks to all you guys. A lot of you really helped me in my last post and I was too drunk to even reply. But I really appreciate this community. At least I know you all understand what I'm going through.
Kind of. I also started smoking again (grrr!!) I told myself it would just be a one-time thing, and then that turned into a 'social' thing, and now here I am back where I was. It also doesn't help that my overnight reset team all smoke, so that's kind of fueled the fire. BUT quitting smoking is my priority right now. I don't even like smoking...until I want a cigarette I guess. Honestly, starting smoking again makes me feel worse than the drinking. At least with the drinking I understand why I'm doing it. I have no idea why I'm smoking other than because my brain is telling me it needs nicotine. Otherwise, my heart rate has gone way up, my throat is sore, and I get agitated with life about two hours after my last cigarette.
So, I've been thinking. And I need some help with this thought process. I quit smoking last March. Then, toward the end of April, I quit drinking. Then In June, I quit smoking weed. And for a couple weeks everything was great. But then I slipped with the booze. Now I've slipped with the cigarettes. I CAN'T slip with the weed (even though it's my favorite and the least harmful [for me, at least]) because I need to start looking for a better job.
K, so, I'm thinking, is that too fast to quit all my vices? I mean, I've gone years messed up on something, and then in the time span of four months I'm suddenly completely sober. I just think that maybe that's too fast. I can't give up everything all at once. It's just too hard.
But then the logical part of me says, "you're probably just saying that because of addiction." I mean, I know. I know that I'm super good at talking myself into these things. SO that's why I'm here now. Partly to hear someone say, "Stop being such a baby and just stay away from it all!" but also hoping someone will say, "Yeah, that's a pretty big shock to the psyche, maybe slowly wean yourself from these things..."
And there is a big part of me that's so pissed with myself for smoking and drinking again to the point where I just want to give up altogether. I mean, I want to go back to how I was with my sobriety and my working out, and eating well and sleeping well (stupid work!) but you can't turn back time. I wonder if this is just going to be my life. Cycling between productivity and self-destruction. I mean, that's what it's basically been so far. I don't like that life. But they say by the time you're in your 20's, you're the person you're going to be. Change is hard and maybe I'm not up to it. Hmm. Better stop talking like this now, I'm starting to get even more depressed and I can't go there right now.
Ok, I have to go to bed now because I have one last ****** day ahead of me because I have to go back to work in 4 hours. Ugh. SO, the game plan for now is to do what I have to to get through work tomorrow. Thankfully the liquor store doesn't open until 11, so cigarettes it is. But also, I'm throwing out the pack after work tomorrow. And now it's written down and hopefully I really can do that.
Also, thanks to all you guys. A lot of you really helped me in my last post and I was too drunk to even reply. But I really appreciate this community. At least I know you all understand what I'm going through.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
HI Lemur
Some people find it better to quit everything at once, while others suggest one at a time.
I suggest if pick one thing, pick alcohol. That tends to be the hub of the trouble for most folks.
Make a recovery plan.
Find support and use it, and make the lifestyle changes you need to make to stay sober.
It's going to be hard for a while. There's no good time to quit - life will keep throwing stuff at you, but that's where the support comes in.
It will help you get through.
There is light at the end of the tunnel too. It doesn't stay hard forever.
This is a good link on recovery plans and recovery groups like AA and others:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
if you only read one thread today., make it that one.
and finally - if weed or cigs tend to lead you back to drink, you'll have consider cutting out all three at once.
It's hard, but again it's not impossible
Have faith in yourself and courage that you really can do this - cos you can - if you're prepared to do what it takes
D
Some people find it better to quit everything at once, while others suggest one at a time.
I suggest if pick one thing, pick alcohol. That tends to be the hub of the trouble for most folks.
Make a recovery plan.
Find support and use it, and make the lifestyle changes you need to make to stay sober.
It's going to be hard for a while. There's no good time to quit - life will keep throwing stuff at you, but that's where the support comes in.
It will help you get through.
There is light at the end of the tunnel too. It doesn't stay hard forever.
This is a good link on recovery plans and recovery groups like AA and others:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
if you only read one thread today., make it that one.
and finally - if weed or cigs tend to lead you back to drink, you'll have consider cutting out all three at once.
It's hard, but again it's not impossible
Have faith in yourself and courage that you really can do this - cos you can - if you're prepared to do what it takes
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
What Dee says is very accurate but certainly not easy, neither is drinking
This thing alcoholism is progressive, powerful, baffling, cunning and insidious and will knock at our door and try to capture us in a heartbeat. A top priority for me was stopping drinking and with my downhill spiral NO other things took that priority until today because nothing else was achievable until I stopped drinking.
This stopping AND STAYING STOPPED is not a walk in the park after the decision is made and ends there. It involves work and changing ourself and the reasons we drank. One big change is accepting life on lifes terms, not on ours.
That’s a start.
BE WELL
What Dee says is very accurate but certainly not easy, neither is drinking
This thing alcoholism is progressive, powerful, baffling, cunning and insidious and will knock at our door and try to capture us in a heartbeat. A top priority for me was stopping drinking and with my downhill spiral NO other things took that priority until today because nothing else was achievable until I stopped drinking.
This stopping AND STAYING STOPPED is not a walk in the park after the decision is made and ends there. It involves work and changing ourself and the reasons we drank. One big change is accepting life on lifes terms, not on ours.
That’s a start.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
You can do this Lemur!!
For me giving alcohol any way back into my life simply caused my drinking to spiral as bad as ever, instead I needed to make a permanent change and not have that first drink!!
For me giving alcohol any way back into my life simply caused my drinking to spiral as bad as ever, instead I needed to make a permanent change and not have that first drink!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Lemur, I can totally empathize with you but I agree with what Dee said. Pick one thing first unless they all trigger each other. Drinking was by far the most dangerous of all my vices. I've quit that. I'm inching my way towards kicking nicotine because I still smoke. I can use the same plan for smoking that I use for drinking but I just have to pick a day one and go for it. And I'm not ready. Same as drinking for other people but something has to give.
You can do it.
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
HI Lemur yep all of these young people have been in your footsteps.. wow kiddo ... find your correct path.. hold tight to it and try so very hard to be the light you need to walk it... its tough
you have several things you need to beat.. so many Prayers and a ton of hugs you can do this.... yep...
you have several things you need to beat.. so many Prayers and a ton of hugs you can do this.... yep...
Originally Posted by IOAA2 
Hi.
What Dee says is very accurate but certainly not easy, neither is drinking
This thing alcoholism is progressive, powerful, baffling, cunning and insidious and will knock at our door and try to capture us in a heartbeat. A top priority for me was stopping drinking and with my downhill spiral NO other things took that priority until today because nothing else was achievable until I stopped drinking.
This stopping AND STAYING STOPPED is not a walk in the park after the decision is made and ends there. It involves work and changing ourself and the reasons we drank. One big change is accepting life on lifes terms, not on ours.
That’s a start.
BE WELL
What Dee says is very accurate but certainly not easy, neither is drinking
This thing alcoholism is progressive, powerful, baffling, cunning and insidious and will knock at our door and try to capture us in a heartbeat. A top priority for me was stopping drinking and with my downhill spiral NO other things took that priority until today because nothing else was achievable until I stopped drinking.
This stopping AND STAYING STOPPED is not a walk in the park after the decision is made and ends there. It involves work and changing ourself and the reasons we drank. One big change is accepting life on lifes terms, not on ours.
That’s a start.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by Dee74
I suggest if pick one thing, pick alcohol. That tends to be the hub of the trouble for most folks.
One huge step in this process is to completely change your routine. If you normally spend weekends drinking with friends, take a break from that. Spend the weekend alone, go for a hike, a walk, hit up a cafe, etc. Stop the socialization that leads to drinking and pick up a new habit. We humans are social creatures which makes this particular suggestion very hard to accept. In my case, when I stopped drinking I simply could not accept that I would have to quit going to bars. Broke my heart. Sounds funny now, but at the time it seemed like a prison sentence. But I got through it and found new outlets, and you will too! Start today with a new routine and find a support system. Stick close to the boards here on SR. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
Ditto. While quitting all your vices should be the end goal, getting rid of the booze should be job #1, in my opinion. It's the hardest to quit by far and does the most damage. Focus on not drinking. Period.
One huge step in this process is to completely change your routine. If you normally spend weekends drinking with friends, take a break from that. Spend the weekend alone, go for a hike, a walk, hit up a cafe, etc. Stop the socialization that leads to drinking and pick up a new habit. We humans are social creatures which makes this particular suggestion very hard to accept. In my case, when I stopped drinking I simply could not accept that I would have to quit going to bars. Broke my heart. Sounds funny now, but at the time it seemed like a prison sentence. But I got through it and found new outlets, and you will too! Start today with a new routine and find a support system. Stick close to the boards here on SR. You can do this!
One huge step in this process is to completely change your routine. If you normally spend weekends drinking with friends, take a break from that. Spend the weekend alone, go for a hike, a walk, hit up a cafe, etc. Stop the socialization that leads to drinking and pick up a new habit. We humans are social creatures which makes this particular suggestion very hard to accept. In my case, when I stopped drinking I simply could not accept that I would have to quit going to bars. Broke my heart. Sounds funny now, but at the time it seemed like a prison sentence. But I got through it and found new outlets, and you will too! Start today with a new routine and find a support system. Stick close to the boards here on SR. You can do this!
And it does get much easier with time.
One day at a time. You can do this, we are here any time you need.
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