Foolsgold186

After nearly 13 months sober I drank. I'm so devastated in myself and coming here admitting what I've done had been hard.

I really thought I'd be okay and now I'm terrified I'm going to go back to the way of life I hated.

My wee boy is 2 months old and I can't look at him without crying.

I need to seriously do more work on myself,

Notimetoloose

13 months is wonderful...

I am sorry...please don't let this relapse take a hold, shut the AV down with any thoughts that you may as well continue....head high, shoulder to the wheel and look forward to a sober future.

Try to use the emotional toll of the relapse to propel you forward.
Remember how you feel now looking at you little boy...cement it in your mind that this is not what you want for your lives together. That, this is not how you want to live.

Life with a 2 mth old is hectic and tiring. Do you have some support?

MythOfSisyphus

What happened, Foolsgold186? Complacency? Letting your guard down? I know you feel bad enough, but the past is the past. Time to commit again to sobriety and figure out what you need to do to achieve it.

Saskia

IMHO, It seems to be not uncommon to have a relapse at some point. Please don't beat yourself up and instead use this as a time to learn and re-dedicate yourself to staying sober. After many miserable relapses, I finally stayed sober for nearly 9 months, had a very brief relapse and am now nearing one year. Since it was a brief relapse and was due to a set of highly unusual circumstances, I opted to not count this relapse. It helped immensely to get right back to staying sober. That relapse only strengthened my determination to stay sober.

You can do this!

Imtehaan

Foolsgold, having 13 months sobriety under your belt is a great asset , you own. Single relapse will not erode that great asset, unless , you allow that single relapse to build upon.

Please , consider it as a unintentional mistake and move back to those blissful days , you had during the 13 months period.. It is not the relapse, which messes up our lives , It is, how we react to that single relapse, messes up our lives.

Your body and mind has already rejuvenated during those 13 months. Ignore this small bruise and it will heal on its own.. Do not feed this bruise to become bigger.

All the best.. We all pray for you.

Dee74

I'm sorry you stumbled fg.

Make this a blip tho, not a crash and burn - re dedicate yourself to your recovery.

Be the parent your wee one will grow up proud of - that's the real you

D

HeadLump

Ah, Foolsgold

I can imagine how you feel but make this a wobble not a fall. Use it as a reminder of all that you've left behind and cement your resolve. You won't have undone all the progress you've made - you're still a brand new person who doesn't drink and a loving mother to your beautiful son xxx.

ccam1973

13 months is awesome FG. You've not lost that time... Your body, your mind, your health and happiness, nothing was lost with this relapse.

Get back at it. Use this as a motivating factor and get right back at your recovery. One of the other members wrote this morning that we are a work in progress. That couldn't be more true.

Don't do what I did during my last relapse and spend nearly a year drunk before recommitting myself to a sober happiness.

Just a small stumble, nothing more if you get right back to your recovery.

We are here for you.

FreeOwl

The gift in relapse is the power it holds to help us truly embrace sobriety and change our lives forever for the better.

Unwrap that gift.

IOAA2

Hi.
13 months is a great remember when and is achievable again with more.
It may help to remember your relapse feelings for another remember when you don’t want to repeat.

This alcoholism recovery is work involving changes, many don’t like but it keeps us sober one day at a time in a row.

BE WELL

Ladybug2

Hi FoolsGold,

I relapsed after almost a year of sobriety, when my daughter was 2 months old as well so I know how you feel. I thought I could moderate, but was unsuccessful (imagine that). My daughter just turned 7 months and I am on Day 4. Nip this in the bud now. You can PM me anytime. I know what you're going through.

48heath

Relapse does not need to be a part of recovery.

Pick yourself up and start at Day 1 again,you were sober before and you will be again.Stay away from the first drink,whatever happens.

Wishing you well.

Elizabeth333

Hold that baby - you came here - you had stumbled, but 13 months! Stay close here and be present for the little one.

FreeOwl

But it frequently is.

And when it is, it has much to teach.

Foolsgold186

Thank you everyone for your response. It was a wedding, feelings had been brewing in me for some time. I've just felt so numb. Even though I was sober I felt I've not really been living just going through the motions. My meetings have not been happening as much due to having my son but it's no excuse. It's happened and I can't change it but it's made me realise how much I want a sober life.

If this doesn't show me nothing will. Getting drunk gave me nothing but disappointment in myself. It's really not worth it.

dwtbd

When I finally quit , I had to make up mind that I was quitting for good. Lifetime's worth(most of my years on the planet so far) of experience shows that I had a toxic relationship with alcohol. I had two choices end the relationship or try and manage the toxicity.
In the last year I should think you 'get' that the two step approach is a great overarching tool: Step# 1 Stop, Step #2 Don't. Before I could be comfortable that this step 'system' would work I had to realize that it doesn't necessarily cover the 'wanting' to drink, I can command my arm , wrist, elbow and hands to reach for a bottle and not bring it to my lips, but I can't command any feelings or urges that may crop up to not crop up . The feelings , urges or latent wanting can be very demanding or urgent and spurred on if there is any leeway left in my rational thinking about the two steps. If I were to keep even a small idea in the "back' of my head that maybe one day, or at a specific time with the right conditions drinking would become managable(or the toxicity thereof) it would become just a matter time until I drank again.
It took me a long time to realize the toxicity of my drinking is inseparable from the drinking alone. I can't manage the toxicity , but I can remove it.
My plan is to not ever drink again. No matter what, even if I want to. The thing is though when I did make that decision , for real all, the way down and decided to believe that I could make such a plan, the wanting, the urges or feelings , my AV got smaller and quieter. I don't think I would win a waiting game with the AV if I gave the idea of possible or probable future drinking a place at the table. You can too, make today the day to quit for good, starve the AV out.

IOAA2

Years ago it was pointed out that the first drink usually starts long before it’s put to our lips by way of our thinking and not working our sobriety on a daily basis.

BE WELL

FreeOwl

^ and that right there, for me, was the hidden value in relapse....

It took those failures and pains and feelings of helplessness in the face of relapse to wake me up and make me realize that 'never again' was what I needed and to give me hard evidence that sobriety was a better way.

IfYouCanDream

Back on the horse.

Make it a learning experience. Be kind to yourself. It happened to me and my biggest mistake was not taking that first drink but beating myself up afterwards - that only led me to more drinking.

I know how painful it is to restart the clock, but you can do it.
Tweak the plan and carry on.
You can do it girl!

IfYouCanDream

I can't stress that enough - be kind to yourself and forgive yourself right away.