Lady3

Im again starting over, i relapsed for about 3 days, Im at day two sober, again...Been going through a lot. I almost lost my apt but i didnt , I have so many dreams and goals so many things i want out of life, Im always a happy person naturally. I think and think how and why am i making it worse knowing the outcome. Im sick today in a lot of pain, in bed all day, ignoring calls. Its embarrassing knowing i drank again, i do want to stop, I wish i never drank in my life, i would be in such a better place in life, but Im not giving up, I hope the rest of you are doing better, Much love💌💘💞💖💕💓

CaseyW

Glad you're back in here, Lady3. In the Class of May 2015, we talk a lot about our "Z," as in "I've tried X and Y before but went back out, what's my Z going to be?" So I ask you now, what's your Z going to be this time?

Wishing you the best and hope you'll check in often...

Wastinglife

HI lady, don't beat yourself up too much. I know what you are going through. I spent many a day in bed depressed and ignoring the outside world. after my last relapse I didn't leave my apartment for 3 days and didn't pick up the phone. Well, I wouldn't have picked up the phone if anyone had bothered to call me but you get my drift.

Alcoholism is a lonely place after a while. I used to have a great social life and a girlfriend to wake up to every morning. I threw it all away. what you are going through is really a mental battle. It will pass in a few days. come here if you need some encouraging words. In the meantime, stay hydrated and try to eat.

Debbie329

I've relasped......cause I wanted 2,,...,

Lionhearted1

I have also wasted many many days hidden away in the pit lol (bed) in fact I would be scared to add up all the days and realise how much time I can't get back wasted on feeling anxious and depressed all for the sake of a few hours drunk!!

You can make this the last time you feel that way.

Onwards

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan

IOAA2

" I think and think how and why am i making it worse knowing the outcome."


Hi.
We are what is known as being alcoholic, it’s progressive, cunning, baffling and insidious. It involves “cuda, wana and shuda” and we want instant shortcuts to long term recovery. Good luck as it takes work and change for ourselves which takes a word many take offence with “TIME.”

There are several requirements for lasting sobriety: getting and staying honest with ourself about our drinking, accepting we cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row. During this early period we work on changing the many reasons we drank and modify our old way of life. A hint for many is to think about NOT drinking as opposed to our natural thinking patterns. That’s change.

Don’t blame me as I’m the messenger having observed too many failures over many years.

BE WELL

Anna

Hi Lady,

The most important thing is that you are back and trying to stay sober. It's great that you have goals and plans for your life. Keep focused on those and you will get there.

happyandfree

Hi lady...stick with us here, tomorrow will be better. You can make your goals and dreams come true.

Dee74

Hi lady - how are you doing?

D

Lady3

Still pretty sick, im not vomitting so thats good, massive headache, breathing is slow and my heart really hurts, i managed to shower an hour ago, i have insomnia too so i havent slept last night and about two hours night before. Body aches, started to answer back on texts to some. Reading forums all day, been beating my self up over it and just thinking all day. Im starting to get hungry too another plus. It was really scary last night and this morning from feeling so sick. Hanging in there, how are you?

Soberwolf

Itl get better Lady hang on in there

Notimetoloose

Me too...I have dreams and goals, things that drinking will rob me of.
It is great you are back, you can do this.

thomas11

Hi Lady, maybe you could print out your response to Dee and keep it handy next time you're thinking about drinking. Because what you describe does not sound pleasant. And yet we've all been there. Glad you are feeling a little better and not drinking.

Delilah1

I am back again as well. I have had many day ones, and will keep trying until I np longer have to say "Day 1 " again. It is not an easy thing to do, but I am goi g to keep working on it.

Lady3

Im not 100% yet as far as feeling better, I went out to eat, very estoic though, I was invited to drink, I declined...It runs in my train of thought while i talk to someone or just in general. Its 10:50pm in Los Angeles and i count the minutes to 12am to start another day. Im going to try to work out tomorrow because im not fit as I used to from drinking especially all the beer, getting a gut. Hopefully I sleep tonite or its 3 nights with no sleep. Thank you for everyone here, I appreciate you. Much love...

Nuudawn

Hiya Lady...I had a similar day this past Monday. The great thing about that day was it was a new day to make a new choice (again). I woke up and I was not alone. .. and this new "friend" decided it was a good time to start drinking all over again. Ya...no, not me. But I was scared...a part of me knew I had to shut this circus sideshow down (again) but a part of me could not find any confidence in the resolve...I wasn't sure I wanted to in all honesty. And THAT was really scary.
All I could do was commit to not drinking that day. And on Tuesday I woke up and said "nope, not today either"...then Wednesday and so on. Today is Friday. I woke up and made the same choice..but I wavered a bit only an hour or so ago (one little glass of wine won't hurt...ya ya ya).

Instead, I'm at a coffee shop on my laptop..and I think I'm going to make it through today...through this morning's choice of "not today..just don't drink today". Each sober day is layering into the next and sobriety is starting to look absolutely spectacular again. There is so much more to life than drinking...but I know how easy it is to forget..and forget that it's always a road to nowhere...or much, much worse.

Lady3

It is easy to forget. I bcome horribly sick and after a few days i begin to feel better after a few more im back to myself and make all these promises but then i say,"eh tough day today need to relax" and its a switch, from it being in my thought processes of im better off , im taking care of me and life and that goes to the back burner and the drinking part takes over and i know i shouldnt but there I am again then im sick again, vicious cyle i need to break. Ive let go of so many friends to help me but then o eneded up pretty lonely and that became a trigger. Not having a job right now doesnt help , but im always trying very hard to find one, hopefully this week i do start one, anyhow i need to keep coming here, it helped once sometime ago i lasted a little over two months, just need to keep at it. Much love...

Lady3

Ive met people who dont want to quit, thats the good thing i see in all of us here, even though we do relapse we want to quit. Even my brother drinks a lot and ive asked him to get sober with me because he gets sick too, but he says not right now, too much going on. So it gives me hope that theres us that DO want it.

thomas11

Hi Lady3, as long as you have the desire, you have the opportunity to achieve your goals. There may be bumps in the road, but it can be done as is proven by many on this forum. Wishing you the best.