I'm losing my patience.
 

Hello everyone, I am reaching my limit in terms of how much longer I can "take it easy" and "not overdo it" regarding my injuries/surgery. I feel they are babying me too much and this is dragging on. Being A former athlete I know the difference between good pain and bad pain and in the past I have trained through injuries etc...millions of people have done it. So at home, I am pushing myself beyond what they are doing with me in therapy. This is primarily in terms of getting my range of motion back, and strength in my knees and legs. I've ditched everything but my braces and unlocked them as well. I walk as much as I can tolerate. Why am I telling you this? I need and want to get back to work with the guys. And I want to get to that point sooner rather than later.
This brings a different concern. Drinking. I don't want the weekend warrior in me to return. I've mentioned before that my drinking is based on a reward system. Kick ass all week, deserve to unwind. Drink. Most of the time it is fine, some of the time it is not fine.
So, the purpose of this post is to let everyone know I can't take it much longer so I am pushing myself (and its working by the way) to get back to work. The second purpose is that once I am totally back to normal, will I drink again? Tomorrow is 46 days, not a drop.

I'm sure it must be frustrating, Jeff. On the other hand, when you're old and gray, your knees may well thank you for being gentle with them now.

Forty-six days is terrific! Thinking of sober as part of the new normal will serve you well, too. There's nothing good in the bottle for folks like us. Nothing good at all.

I've learned a lot in recovery Jeff.

I've learned I don't always know best and I need to be patient.

I've made a lot of injuries worse by trying to do too much too soon (wonder where I got that mindset from?)

Don't let impatience be a factor in any decisions you have to make.

1. Reread your post and imagine someone else wrote it...what would you tell them?

2. Regarding your worries about returning to drinking, go back and read your posts from the last time your drank 46 days ago. Remember that you will be that person again, probably worse. Are you willing to risk everything once again?

3. How about focusing some of your efforts specifically on recovery from your addiction? If you spent as much time on that with the intense focus you are applying to your physical rehab, your addiction wouldn't stand a chance.

I totally hear this. Was the same for me. Then I started "deserving" my reward mid week cause I had a hard/tough/great day. Then every day etc.

I need to find a new reward, but I don't know what it is yet.

Reward your warrior mentality by Messing yourself up in a much more dangerous way by drinking???
I'm confident that the real warrior in you know that there is no victory in attacking that hill. I've never won that battle.
Fight the good fights!
Best
D

If you are feeling better, are you still taking pain meds?

You hit a chord here. I would often rationalize this way. The first tough spot or difficult decision that I went through was another reason for the reward. Problem was the weekends were not enough. Found myself earning the reward on the hump day.

Congratulations on 46 days!

Be sure to give yourself adequate rest too.... I agree that a bit of pushing yourself can be a good thing, but if you overdo it and re-injure yourself then you'll be down even longer.

Use your inner wisdom and let that guide you, listen to your body and its own healing compass.... Rather than be driven by fear of relapse or frustration.

Drink as a reward? Ahhhh... But you know that's a lie. It's no reward....

Hi Thomas, I don't know your whole back story, but I am also an athlete and know what it feels like to not be able to go at your maximum. I assume you are in physical therapy now. Could you start looking into moving from a physical therapist to a personal trainer? The gym I go to is actually a sports medicine center. Upstairs they have the doctors. Downstairs there are two gyms that are by appointment only. On one side is the physical rehabilitation, on the other side is a gym with a personal trainer who does sports straining and sports recovery training. Most people start with the doctor, then move to the physical therapy and then move on to the trainer to start working on really getting back to full form. You know your body. Of course it is right to take it easy and be patient. But I think a good, highly trained trainer will know how to push you without you hurting yourself. The gym I go to has a lot of Olympic athletes and professional soccer/football players. Some of them come in with severe injuries and I have seen them recover before my eyes. It IS possible. You will get there.

As for the working hard and the reward, I get that too, though I also "rewarded" myself nearly every day. Let's think of something else to reward you with. If you are physical and active can you take the weekends off of your main sport training and do something else active but that is less intense? Maybe rent a kayak and go for a paddle? Take a long, leisurely walk somewhere. Or maybe you've got your eye on a new piece of equipment. With the money you save by not drinking AND if you really feel like you gave 110% the whole week with your physical therapy/training, you can permit yourself to splurge and buy something related to your sport/physical activity. Don't throw away those 46 days. I was right at 46 days last time I did and man oh man do I regret it. You are doing better than you think and will only get better physically if you keep up the AWESOME work of staying sober. Come on buddy, you have GOT this.

I think that's what you tell yourself, that you are rewarding yourself. But it doesn't explain your last binge. If that was the reward, what was the accomplishment?

Drinkers drink. Especially if the option is still on the table.

You are 46 days sober. But abstinence isn't the same as recovery. As Scott suggested, add recovery efforts into your therapy regimen.

Congrats on 46 days T. As far as your physical recovery goes, I think your body will tell when enough is enough. You just have to listen to what your body is saying. You know the feeling of a productive pain versus one that's sending you two steps back. I've been there when I tore my ACL snow skiing and had reconstructive surgery. I knew when I was pushing too hard and send myself backwards in recovery.

As far as your concern that you might return to drinking based on your reward system. You've got the power to never go back there again. You've got 46 days and that's a great start. Nothing good will come from picking up that drink again. But you're fully aware of this, so use your motivation to continue your physical and mental recovery.

Be well!

Jeff, pretty much was going to say what has already been said.

If you look at drinking as a reward go back and look at the posts from memorial day, is the the sort of "reward" your looking for? Maybe you need something else to replace that.

Jeff - you must be a patient patient ;)

Congrats on 46 days, Jeff! Keep your eyes on the prize - life without alcohol/drugs is a huge reward.

Dee: I've made a lot of injuries worse by trying to do too much too soon (wonder where I got that mindset from?)

I think we both know the answer to that. haha. 10 foot tall and bulletproof when drinking right?

Hi Coldfusion, It varies. Some days very few, others when I am very active, I take more, but never as much as I was given in the hospital. My goal is to begin tapering in 2 weeks. I haven't done a single minute of research yet on how to do that.

If anyone here has experience with tapering off opiates, I'd like to hear. I will have been on them for two months when I plan to start tapering.

You might want to check out the drug section of the forum.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/substance-abuse/

FreeOwl said: Be sure to give yourself adequate rest too.... I agree that a bit of pushing yourself can be a good thing, but if you overdo it and re-injure yourself then you'll be down even longer.

This has been quite the learning curve. There must be a whole army of little healers working overtime in my body because I have several good days in a row (feel like a tiger), then a day that I'm wiped out. Need nothing but rest and even naps, and I'm not a napper.

hi Meraviglioso, wow, what a great system....doctor, physical therapy, highly qualified trainer. don't know that i've seen that in the US. Sounds like a brilliant idea.

As far as rewarding myself, got my eye on a road bicycle. I've got some guys who do a lot of biking who will let me know what i should purchase. I will put my trust in them as I know nothing. Low impact on my knees, but will allow me to try to get into cardiovascular condition at my own pace.