New to this site and AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 6
New to this site and AA
Hi,
My story has been told a thousand time over and I've been reading for the past 2 years. Took my first step by joining here and 2nd by going to AA for the past 3 days. I cried on my way there today, cried when I walked in and much of the meeting. Unfortunately I sat right behind the moderator and so the whole room saw me. I don't feel bad about that, as I'm clearly struggling and it's a comfort to be among people who I know aren't judging. but I am Not ready to raise my hand for white chip, as that would cause a complete breakdown.
I'm not sure how to reach out, even when people raise their hands offering to sponsor. The only one I talked to was a visitor from Florida, a man who was sitting next to me. I can't imagine yet uttering the words "I'm Lauren and im an alcoholic" but yet I fiind myself willing the hour to last so I don't have to leave, the people and stories are so comforting. Yet I cant seem to get 24 hrs when I leave.
My story has been told a thousand time over and I've been reading for the past 2 years. Took my first step by joining here and 2nd by going to AA for the past 3 days. I cried on my way there today, cried when I walked in and much of the meeting. Unfortunately I sat right behind the moderator and so the whole room saw me. I don't feel bad about that, as I'm clearly struggling and it's a comfort to be among people who I know aren't judging. but I am Not ready to raise my hand for white chip, as that would cause a complete breakdown.
I'm not sure how to reach out, even when people raise their hands offering to sponsor. The only one I talked to was a visitor from Florida, a man who was sitting next to me. I can't imagine yet uttering the words "I'm Lauren and im an alcoholic" but yet I fiind myself willing the hour to last so I don't have to leave, the people and stories are so comforting. Yet I cant seem to get 24 hrs when I leave.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome to SR, lilbean. I am so glad that you found us.
Congratulations on attending the AA meeting; I believe that if you continue with it, you will become comfortable enough to participate.
In the meantime, you can talk to us!!!!
Congratulations on attending the AA meeting; I believe that if you continue with it, you will become comfortable enough to participate.
In the meantime, you can talk to us!!!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, lilbean. Glad you've made the plunge and started posting. Also glad you're getting something out of AA. Don't beat yourself up for not talking yet. Maybe at your next meeting you can pick out one person who says something you like and tell them after the meeting thank you for sharing. Small steps. Just an idea--you don't even have to do that. And I can promise you that no one in AA is judging you--every single person there has been in the exact same spot as you before. Hang in there, there's a better life waiting for you in recovery. You can do it.
You might also look and see if your area has a women only meeting at some point in the week. Most places do have at least a couple of men- or women-only groups a week. Charleston is big enough that I bet it does. Sometimes it's easier to break the ice in such meetings.
I also highly recommend joining and actively participating in the Class of July 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are in early recovery.
Wishing you the best today. It's nice to meet you!
You might also look and see if your area has a women only meeting at some point in the week. Most places do have at least a couple of men- or women-only groups a week. Charleston is big enough that I bet it does. Sometimes it's easier to break the ice in such meetings.
I also highly recommend joining and actively participating in the Class of July 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are in early recovery.
Wishing you the best today. It's nice to meet you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
It is so cool that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable in front of other people. That cry must have been an amazing cleanse !!! Proud of you for that.
Read around here and make a plan. You know what you have to do, now you have to be proactive in figuring out how to do it. What has really helped me the most is reading here and learning different techniques like AVRT, AA concepts and self work.
Stick around and use this place as much as you need to. That's what it is here for .
Read around here and make a plan. You know what you have to do, now you have to be proactive in figuring out how to do it. What has really helped me the most is reading here and learning different techniques like AVRT, AA concepts and self work.
Stick around and use this place as much as you need to. That's what it is here for .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Every time they offered the RED CHIP for 30 Days, I would think to myself ... I got 30 Days Sober, just not in a row ...
When they read the Promises ... are these extravagant promises? ... everyone would say out loud - We Think Not - I would say to myself - I HOPE NOT.
Thru working the steps the MIRACLE finally happened ...
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2 ... lilbean
When they read the Promises ... are these extravagant promises? ... everyone would say out loud - We Think Not - I would say to myself - I HOPE NOT.
Thru working the steps the MIRACLE finally happened ...
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2 ... lilbean
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,578
Hi Lilbean.
I can relate! I cried all the way through my first AA meeting! Most of us have been in those same shoes and we have nothing but compassion for you.
Some folks go to 3 meetings a day at first, to help get to the 24 hour mark.
It works. I'm 10 months sober and life is so much better.
Welcome!
I can relate! I cried all the way through my first AA meeting! Most of us have been in those same shoes and we have nothing but compassion for you.
Some folks go to 3 meetings a day at first, to help get to the 24 hour mark.
It works. I'm 10 months sober and life is so much better.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
Lilbean,
Trust me it's ok. Everyone there has been through it. There are times now I could still cry but they would be tears of joy! It get's better but not overnight.
Perhaps focus as much as you can on who is raising their hand to sponsor and listen and watch them. Do they seem happy before and after the meeting? Do they talk about working the steps? That is what you are looking for.
And some of the best stuff happens before and after the meeting. It doesn't have to be just a one hour thing.
Best wishes!
Trust me it's ok. Everyone there has been through it. There are times now I could still cry but they would be tears of joy! It get's better but not overnight.
Perhaps focus as much as you can on who is raising their hand to sponsor and listen and watch them. Do they seem happy before and after the meeting? Do they talk about working the steps? That is what you are looking for.
And some of the best stuff happens before and after the meeting. It doesn't have to be just a one hour thing.
Best wishes!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to the family. 
Crying at meetings is common. Lots of people do. It's such a feeling of relief to finally get the courage to walk into the room.
Stay sober one day at a time. Take it one minute at a time if you have to. Stay busy and distract yourself. It gets easier, I promise.
Crying at meetings is common. Lots of people do. It's such a feeling of relief to finally get the courage to walk into the room. Stay sober one day at a time. Take it one minute at a time if you have to. Stay busy and distract yourself. It gets easier, I promise.
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