Benevolent Selfishness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Benevolent Selfishness
Is this self contradictory? I don’t think so. At least I had to learn not to get sober for anyone else but myself. Not for my spouse, my kids, even for my dog. And it wouldn’t do any good to get them to “control” my drinking, because, when they weren’t there, the game would begin all over again. As an alcoholic I’ve always been dependent, on alcohol, on others, or as has been said, on “people, places and things”. Worried about what “people” would think. What they might say. An olympic class people pleaser.
None of it worked. I had to realize that unless I could do it for myself, with the help of others, but for myself, it would never work. Contrary what some had told me, I didn’t drink because I was “bad” or, if these “bad” faults were somehow “removed” by a “Higher Power”, I would be sober. I drank because I was an alcoholic, genetically and because of the way I was. Dependent, unsure of myself, self medicating to feel better and gradually, as I drank, yes, selfish, lying, angry, withdrawn- the whole nine yards. I became “bad”, because I drank. And when I stopped drinking I had a chance to be a decent person, develop self confidence, self respect, love for others rather than dependence on them. Forgiveness, not only for others but for myself.
I had to develop a kind of benevolent selfishness so as to stop being selfish.
W.
None of it worked. I had to realize that unless I could do it for myself, with the help of others, but for myself, it would never work. Contrary what some had told me, I didn’t drink because I was “bad” or, if these “bad” faults were somehow “removed” by a “Higher Power”, I would be sober. I drank because I was an alcoholic, genetically and because of the way I was. Dependent, unsure of myself, self medicating to feel better and gradually, as I drank, yes, selfish, lying, angry, withdrawn- the whole nine yards. I became “bad”, because I drank. And when I stopped drinking I had a chance to be a decent person, develop self confidence, self respect, love for others rather than dependence on them. Forgiveness, not only for others but for myself.
I had to develop a kind of benevolent selfishness so as to stop being selfish.
W.
Chances
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Gosford, NSW
Posts: 110
I totally agree
Except
I would say it's a selflessness not selfishness. You had to stop drinking for yourself because treating yourself with respect gives you the chance to show the true respect and the time and efforts to those in your life who deserve it most.
Either way it's a true win win
Except
I would say it's a selflessness not selfishness. You had to stop drinking for yourself because treating yourself with respect gives you the chance to show the true respect and the time and efforts to those in your life who deserve it most.
Either way it's a true win win
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
P.S. I mentioned "selfishness" because I thought that if I put a little pepper on the omelet of recovery, it might provoke a more interesting discussion. This also is neither organic nor salt free. The eggs came from "free range" but benevolently selfish hens. The roosters? Well we don't mention things like that on SR!
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I agree with you, W. To me it's like jumping into the water to save someone instead of throwing a ring- you can't help anyone if you're drowning yourself. Take care of your sobriety for yourself first, and if it helps others that's awesome.
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