first time on here, and day 1
 

Dear all, attempt number 3 to try and post ... it keeps not happening and the screen goes white, the forum blocks.

I feel I am repeating myself over and over by rewriting this haha.

Anyhow, so... must share since its a forum. I am not used to writing on forums but here goes.

I am 33 years old, and a heavy drinker. Alcoholic is the word. I was on this forum 7 years ago, thinking then or feeling then that maybe I drink a bit much? Fast forward 7 years and I can share you that I drank a bottle of Bacardi on my own yesterday, no problem.
I drink daily and I drink a lot. My body manages, I look good and healthy. I have been drinking a lot since my first drink when I was 20y old.
Before I was fine also, although very sensitive for everything. A true empath. I am still all of that, just soaked in alcohol really.

What I felt 7 years ago when I found this forum , is what I feel today but a bit more probably .....
I dont want to continue like this and I am afraid of what I will be 7 y. from now.....

I come from a proud line of functioning alcoholics. We are all intelligent, well spoken, some a bit artsy, all sportive , all outdoorsey persons. We all drink like sailors and then some.
1 bottle of wine per person is nothing.... although I guess I am now hitting hard liquor a lot and seem to manage fine. I cant believe I drank a BOTTLE of bacardi on my own yesterday and feel only slighty hungover. Not good. I think my liver hurts a bit , I feel something on my right side today.

I live alone now, in a new country for a year now. Nobody can stop me from drinking.... nobody can tell me: wait until 17h. So I start at noon. Beer does not get me tipsy anymore, 2 liters a day is nothing. Wine is the same.... etc. I have trained myself well .

Today wont be a problem not drinking or smoking, I went in excess and it will make me vomit if I drink today. Tomorrow will get tricky....

Lets see. It does not feel healthy anymore really so.... I will have to just grow some personality and stop
Its already after noon, today will pass fast :) :thanks

Welcome, Isabelles!

Most of us have found that drinking heavily is not good for our health or for our enjoyment of life. Things like cirrhosis of the liver can occur without any symptoms until it is far advanced.

Even more important, living sober is an amazing gift! We don't realize how much drinking has affected our lives until we've been sober for awhile.

I hope you'll join us and work on becoming and staying sober. A good place to start is the July 2015 thread in Newcomers.

Welcome to SR, isabelles. I see you're already actively posting in the Class of July 2015 thread. Keep that up! Building accountability to myself and to others has been the cornerstone of my recovery so far.

Wishing you the best today. Remember you don't have to take that first drink no matter what.

Hi isabelles, glad your post finally went through as it is very well written. So well written in fact, that sounds horrible (just being honest). That's quite a bit of booze. Well trained, is I believe how you put it. But sick enough today that you would throw up if you drank, so tomorrow you feel better and the cycle repeats? Am I close to being correct? Glad you joined again, the wisdom and advice will be along shortly. I hope you can achieve your goals through SR. I wish you the very best.

Hi and thanks for your post.
Many of us while drinking don’t know what we don’t know and it can destroy us mentally and physically.
Alcohol is not a health drink and in the sensitive hands of an alcoholic just takes and takes until we are empty miserable shells.

Your explanation of your family roots is a common “makes me proud feeling” which makes recovery difficult because it makes us dishonest with ourself regarding our drinking and keeps the door closed regarding our inability to drink in safety.

Try reading the posts on this site to see the misery of continued drinking.
Alcoholism is something no one wants as its progressive, powerful, cunning, baffling and incredibly able to change our thinking to continue using alcohol even when we know better.

BE WELL

Welcome to the Forum Isabelles!! :wave:

When I joined back up on this site back in the fall after a long hiatus I was like you.... well trained. I drank heavily most days and rarely had a hangover. Looking back on that is pretty scary, I had trained my body to handle absurd amounts of alcohol and function normally.

I'm glad you found us. Welcome :)

Happy to have you back with us isabelles.

I was drinking vast quantities when I joined SR. It wasn't making me high or happy - in the end it was just to stop the shakes. No way to live, as you've discovered. We're all in this together - and we understand each other. I hope you'll continue to read and post - it helps to know we're not alone.