Relationship Making Sobriety Hard
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 170
Relationship Making Sobriety Hard
I got in the relationship I am in now while I was drinking 24 hours a day, a year or so in I had a seizure due to alchohol and cocaine. 7 days on a drip made it hard to get a drink, after that I thought I have done seven lets see how many I can do.
2 years plus down the road I have another addiction, but one not as obviously noticeable or destructice as alchohol, but still something I'd give anything to quit.
The girl im with was helpfull when I was geting sober, living with someone in that state cant be fun. The thing is im now working a lot and running a smal business. This causes a lot of rows as she wants me home a lot like when I was drinking.
The rows make me "use" more, I cant see no solution as we are at different places in life. She been through a lot because of me and I would feel guilty leaving.
Also both my parents have died, mum recently and I lost all my friends when I stopped drinking, I have no one to tell private or good stuff too.
Just an added point I married young while in an alchoholic state, got sober through a police enforced rehab and ended that relationship shortly afterwards, causing that poor girl a lot of pain.
I dont know what to do, I dont want a row every time I do a bit of overtime, im good with money, but I don't want to work just to live, I want to progress in life shes happy to be more or less retired (she has a bit of money). I will never get promoted working basic hours. Im really confused think the writings on the wall, not sure what im asking really.
2 years plus down the road I have another addiction, but one not as obviously noticeable or destructice as alchohol, but still something I'd give anything to quit.
The girl im with was helpfull when I was geting sober, living with someone in that state cant be fun. The thing is im now working a lot and running a smal business. This causes a lot of rows as she wants me home a lot like when I was drinking.
The rows make me "use" more, I cant see no solution as we are at different places in life. She been through a lot because of me and I would feel guilty leaving.
Also both my parents have died, mum recently and I lost all my friends when I stopped drinking, I have no one to tell private or good stuff too.
Just an added point I married young while in an alchoholic state, got sober through a police enforced rehab and ended that relationship shortly afterwards, causing that poor girl a lot of pain.
I dont know what to do, I dont want a row every time I do a bit of overtime, im good with money, but I don't want to work just to live, I want to progress in life shes happy to be more or less retired (she has a bit of money). I will never get promoted working basic hours. Im really confused think the writings on the wall, not sure what im asking really.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
It sounds like you need to tell her what you told us--maybe with a therapist to help mediate?
Your sobriety has to be most important, but she should have every chance to understand what is at stake for you, and for the relationship.
Have you considered she is codependent and is used to looking after you when you were using?
Sometimes people who have done that are at a loss once the drinker doesn't "need" them to manage themselves any longer.
If she's retired, maybe you were her "project" and now she resents you being out and about on your own with her home at loose ends.
At any rate, some therapy from someone who really understands codependents and addiction would help.
Your sobriety has to be most important, but she should have every chance to understand what is at stake for you, and for the relationship.
Have you considered she is codependent and is used to looking after you when you were using?
Sometimes people who have done that are at a loss once the drinker doesn't "need" them to manage themselves any longer.
If she's retired, maybe you were her "project" and now she resents you being out and about on your own with her home at loose ends.
At any rate, some therapy from someone who really understands codependents and addiction would help.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,200
A good heart to heart discussion does sound in order IWTL and failing that perhaps some counselling. Sounds like a bit of compromise on both sides is called for. Can you involve her in your business?
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