fastfocus

what a sh*t day I hate my life, I don't believe anyone who says it gets better,

maybe if alcohol is the only problem, but not with all the stuff ive got to face every day,

Im either unlucky or uk east Yorkshire hast the worst mental health team in the world,

feel like suicide, they say take your 100mg trazodone and persevere we will see you on Friday?????????????

yeah ok if im still here,

I have no idea how to deal with or face my mental health issue, traumas, ocd. and I want it all to end now.

fastfocus

3rd time lucky, eventually got my post up without the laptop saying page not available after I typed it all out, I was about to smash my laptop up,

but that's the jist of what I wanted to write, I just can not cope,

huntingtontx

Hang in there. We are all here for you and you don't have to wait till Friday. When we say it gets better, it does not mean our life is perfect. It means we are not drunk and can better handle the things life throws at us. ALL of us have our share of issues to deal with, and sometimes life is hard. If we hang together and help each other, it does make it better. I have found by reading threads and trying to help others, well, it takes the focus off me. Sometimes that in itself helps. Right now, at this moment, I have everything I need. Maybe later I will need other things, but I can deal with that later. Know that you are not alone. We have all felt helpless at times. I will be keeping you in my prayers. ((((((fastfocus))))))

biminiblue

Hi, fastfocus.

I know things seem larger than life in early sobriety, but hang on. Can you call a local crisis number? I'm sorry but I don't know info in the UK, however I was able to find this suicide crisis page online for the UK.

LInk:

Suicide - NHS Choices

It will get better. Take several deep breaths, from your belly. Concentrate on only your breathing. It will relax you.

zjw

You know I had that kind of anger and frustration and still do at times. and yeah I'm the type that will take a printer into the yard with a sledge hammer becuase it acted up and I'll feel so dang good afterwards and no i dont do this sort of thing often but the point is anger needs an outlet. Exercise is my healthy choice outlet. But like i said there are times where i need to go dig in the yard or chop wood or smash some wtvr item that annoyed me.

coping skills will come in time. you end up with like a tool box of things like drink tea, read a book, go for a walk, work on a hobby, etc... to try and calm you down and relax you when your frustrated and simply want to drink.

Quirky

Oh, Fastfocus, I don't know what to say, except to stay close and post a lot. Let us keep you company until your appt. We care about you, and want to help if we can.
Please call your local hotline if you think you are losing control..
Try to stay calm ...

SweetBaby

Bless your heart! I am sorry you feel this bad.

I don't know much about the staying sober because I am surfing new waters myself. Yesterday was my hardest day in wanting a drink.

I do know that life can suck! However taking your life will take away any chance of it ever getting better. All I can say is pray! Pray hard. Try to appreciate the simple things life can offer. A beautiful sunrise, a good cup of coffee, a funny show on tv. Those simple things are often the most beautiful.

I went and bought a paint by number board...just to get away from my thoughts. I don't paint. I am not a artist. It was just something totally different that I could concentrate on. We are here if you need anything.

Soberwolf

Sorry your having a **** day

greens

I feel the same sometimes fast focus.
Sometimes I just feel like no one understands even my Dr's and therapists -the ones who really should get it.
I am so sorry you're going through this , please call a crisis hot line or do whatever you need to do go get through this without harming yourself.
I have 2 harm reduction techniques for when I'm having ptsd flashbacks - one is drawing on my upper thigh with a marker -have no idea how it works but it calms me down. The other one is running an ice cube over my skin , somehow the sensation works to calm me down.

interruptedgirl

Hey Fast Focus,

Reality bites, wasn't just a movie eh? Is there any crisis line? A few months ago I felt the very same, just at the edge of suicide, so I know right now you feel like life will never get better. 1st step just breathe. 2nd step call a counselling line like right now. It's sounds corny, but somehow it got me through the day...If all else fails, PM me.

Anna

This is a link for the Samaritans which could be helpful for you:

Samaritans | Samaritans

Fly N Buy

Suicide is never the answer. I think it's natural at times for humans to have this run through their heads, you are definitely not alone.

We live so many different lives over time and it becomes difficult to recall the others while going through the pain of the current one.

This too shall pass - I know it's painful, believe me - but life does change. That's of little solace while we are in that pain I understand. We simply have to find a way.

Much like the perseverance you demonstrated in getting your post up!!! That's a very good sign - you have something to say to all. Remember we need to hear it and every post helps someone in some way we cannot imagine.

I think sometimes that just has to be good enough.
Thank you for sharing your pain - you are not alone

Lovenjoy

i'm so sorry you're having such a bad time. hang tough and hang close to SR. i see that you're real close to a year? for some reason milestones like that can be a bad time.....

it really can get better. and imo alcohol is never the only problem. you do AA, right? really working the steps helped me in getting a handle on the problems i had been masking with alcohol.

sending good thoughts your way. you're not alone, we really care.....

whiteturtle

Fastfocus, I know how you feel. I went to the doctor about a week ago because my depression has been so bad that I really, sincerely wanted it all to just end. They bumped my prescription up about a fourth of the milligrams, and now it's a waiting game. It's so frustrating, because a quick fix seems like the only reliable thing. From reading on here, it sounds like that is a hallmark of the alcoholic mind...almost "requiring" instant gratification.

I am still struggling with that, and not entirely sure how to get through it, other than letting time pass. I guess that's much easier said than done.

Hang in there with me. If we feel like this, let's just post on here instead of doing anything, and let time pass... I have found it helpful what others have said, that at least still being here and not ending it means that there is a chance things will recover, rather than taking any and all chances away. I know the pain sometimes makes sticking around feel impossible...but I have learned from the past six days sober that we humans are remarkably able to overcome ourselves if we really must.

Keep posting!

SweetBaby

I hope you are ok? Will you check in?

thomas11

Fastfocus, I don't want to reinforce your opinions of the UK health system, but my god, I read alot of posts where people are not happy with the way things are over there. In the US, I guess we are lucky.
Anyway, we care about each other around here, including you! I know its only an internet forum, but stay connected, post your thoughts and feelings, of the thousands of people here daily, someone's post is bound to resonate with you... there is bound to be someone you feel a connection with. Its only a few days. Your life may depend on it. Keep us posted. Thinking about you buddy.

Dee74

Here are some more links for people who maybe able to help, or at least listen FF

CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58

Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.


Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41

or email: [email protected] *

or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 * (UK)

I know you've reservations about AA, but maybe a meeting based recovery group like SMART Recovery or LifeRing could help? You'd have real people to connect with?

D

fastfocus

i don't mind going to aa, I just don't do the steps cause I don't believe in god or prayer, and never will,

but the meetings I really liked a lad goes now and he has warts on his fingers and my BIGGEST FEAR that causes my ocd and constant hand washing is warts and verucas,

o I don't go to those meetings now, he does them every night in the town I did them in,

yeah you got it I have a MASSIVE resentment against him,

soon be Monday anyway, giro day, I can get pissed

ScottFromWI

I'd call some of the resources Dee has shared FF. It sounds as though you have several issues to deal with and i'm sure one of the groups listed can help.

fastfocus

Over a year later and I'm sober, been sober nearly 13 months now