SoberHappyHour

Hi everyone ! I just reached two weeks in my new and hopefully final recovery that sticks. I feel great and have been exercising, staying in a lot for now, reading books on recovery, and staying busy with work. I just have a simple, perhaps dumb question I've been thinking about though:

When offered a drink, do you all reply with a) I don't drink OR b) I don't drink anymore ?

I know this may not seem like a big deal but I feel like that one word makes a difference. I'm more concerned about the rewiring of my brain rather than peoples' reactions and the affect that this answer may have on where the conversations go from there. I feel as though if I answer A enough, I can trick my brain into forgetting about my drinking past and make my new sober lifestyle feel more natural. On the other hand, answering B can remind me of drinking and make me want to drink. Furthermore, it can work the opposite and serve as a reminder to myself as to what drinking did to me and remind me as to why I shouldn't drink. Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but it's just one that's been on my mind lately and wanted an opinion on this. Thanks for reading.

Dee74

It depends on whether I know the person or not, I think.

Sometimes people expected the old drinking D - so response B was appropriate.


I definitely prefer A out of the two choices but most times now I give option C - 'no thanks'...I might add 'got a soda?' - no explanation necessary.

D

Saskia

I had the same issue and decided to simply say "No, thanks" or "No thanks, I don't drink". The latter helped cement it in my mind, too. Lately I've found myself going more with "No, thanks" only.

MythOfSisyphus

Start with just, "No, thanks." If pressed you can say you don't want one, it's too early/too late, you have a big day tomorrow, you're on antibiotics, etc. If you feel like making a statement you can say you decided to stop, but if you feel like it's too much pressure this early into sobriety feel free to make any reasonable sounding excuse. It's your business, and yours alone. It won't be a big deal to anyone except other drunks- and why care what they think?

LucindaVanPelt

Excellent question MythofSysiphus, and congratulations on your two weeks. That's wonderful.

Speaking for myself, I just say "I won't actually, but I'd love a fizzy water".

8 times out of 10, I sense no curiosity whatsoever.

(The other 2 times are people who know me as a heavy drinker and they graciously back off, at least so far...)

mcfearless

I was at a corporate function this week and the beers were flowing. I was drinking coke zero. Nobody asked any questions but it did cause me some anxiety as to how I would answer. I had decided if anyone did bring it up I would just say that I had a long drive home. ''

In other situations I generally say "I'm off the booze for a bit. Mid life crisis and trying to get into shape." I'm that "all or nothing" type of quirky person anyway so this works for me.

ChancesAh

In the first few weeks I would claim to be on a health kick. If pressed, pushed or questioned even in a friendly way I just claimed to be on the health kick after being put on medications & needing further blood tests for high blood pressure so I couldn't drink anyway. (I never had high pressure but it seemed to satisfy people without me needing to discuss me). Good luck

gettingsmarter

If someone presses after me saying a simple no thanks I'll tell them I don't drink anymore. If they feel it's that important they actually might be someone who needs help. Only people who ask me are the people I grew up with or used to know me as a drinker.

saoutchik

I'm driving is a good answer so it is a good idea to make it a truthful one where possible by driving to things like corporate events

Personally McFearless at 14 days sober I would really try hard to avoid being around drinkers because of the likelyhood of answering C - "yes please I'll have a large one" Obviously it is not possibleto avoid contact with alcohol altogether on a long term basis but it was something I know I had to do in the early days and I still keep contact with drinkers to as little as practical

Dee74

I know it's a softer answer than I'm never drinking again, but I found the trouble with saying 'I'm off the booze for a bit' is that people will keep asking you about it - 'are you back drinking yet?'...'are ya done with being healthy yet...har har'

Noone needs to know my business.

I usually say 'no thanks' and that works the vast majority of the time...most people simply don't care whats in my glass or if I'm drinking or not

I've only ever had trouble from fellow alcoholics and/or my family.

D

mecanix

I'm driving (later) do you/they have water or fizzy water ?



m

Tang

I have a script depending on the situation. There is a lot of corporate drinking in my job. I also work with nosy pushy people. The ones who literally shove a drink in your hand. For those types I say I'm on medication (to some degree I am). It's still not easy for me, though others on here claim it's a piece of cake

JoeinHouston

For now, I am playing the medical card - doctor's orders to avoid serious gastric issues - as an excuse to the people who know me as a heavy drinker. Other people basically don't care either way; a polite 'no thanks' will do.

Soberwolf

Want a drink ?

No thanks i dont drink

Why ?

I just dont drink no big deal you got coca cola ?

Oh ok ... yeah sure

& thats basically it in most cases if somebody persists just repeat & ask them to stop asking

rachelle77

This is a great question!

I think it depends on the situation and the people who I am responding to. Also, I've noticed that it depends on where I'm at in regards to my being honest/comfortable with myself in my decision to not drink.

In reading other people's replies to this question, I realized that lately when I'm offered a drink I reply "no thanks, I'm not drinking today." And that's 100% true! I'm taking this one day at a time, as they say.

Tang

I actually think this is the most critical topic for me. Fear of social rejection is innate to many people. I angst over worrying about people judging me for being sober. Especially since my job requires me to build relationships. So this is a topic I spend a lot of time working on.

On The Road

"No thanks."

And if pressed (like Rachelle said):

"Not today."

And then change to subject or move on.

The only person who needs to know I'm an alcoholic is me because I'm the only one who can do anything about it.

rachelle77

Word.

SoberLife90

I would be honest. Tell them you don't drink and if your worried about them judging you F them. I wouldnt lie and tell them anything. Unless your very young...under 21? Nobody is going to care whether you drink or not. I am 24 and nobody bats an eyelash when i dont drink because its not a big deal.

FreeOwl

'No thanks, I don't drink'

Or

'I'll just have water, thanks'

Or

'No thank you... I'm good!'

Or

'Nope, I'm not a drinker'

Or

'No thank you! I'm not drinking'

Or

'None for me, thanks!'

Or any of a hundred or so other possibilities. Doesn't really matter. I used to get hung up about what to say, what people might think, how to 'spin' it, what they might say, how to respond to that....

Turns out I really was wasting my time worrying. Most people really didn't care that much and most of those who did take notice were friends who were also heavy drinkers or alcoholics and their comments were always along the lines of 'wow... I sure wish I could do that....'.