Serenidad

Is this normal? I just can't stand my husband right now! Why???

Is it early sobriety? Is it the fact that he can drink "normally"? Is it that we've been together so long? What the hell is it? Is it that we spent most of our relationship partying together and now I can't anymore?

I know I have been a lying, pain in the ass, angry, drunk person the last year and a half. Maybe I should cut him some "slack" for sticking by me??? But sometimes he's just an ass! (I guess he has a right to be mad at me???)

Why am I so angry at him? Maybe because the entire time I was sober from 2008-2013 he could drink and I couldn't. It got REALLY old! I finally said "FINE! I'll drink with my husband!!! If he's not going to fit into my SOBER world...I will fit in to his drinking world!" FAIL!

I think subconsciously I blame him for my relapse...or even consciously.

Anyway...I posted something similar to this a few weeks ago I think but I needed to post this because it really triggers me and jeopardizes my sobriety so I needed to get it out.

It's hard being married to someone who drinks when you are trying to stay sober. At least he doesn't drink in our house (thank God).

I hate being an alcoholic. (((pity party))) (((whine))) :-/

biminiblue

sorry, kiddo.

PurpleKnight

I really needed to get the idea of what "others" could do out of my mind, if I had a nut allergy, would I really be jealous or resentful of others eating nuts, or for my own health accept my allergy and stay clear of all nut related activity!!

Non drinkers are everywhere, and they live amongst those that drink, there is no us and them, we can take responsibility for our own issue with alcohol, and we can live our lives without what others do affecting us!!

That's all I got, if it's a relationship issue then I'm sure others will be along with some advice!!

least

You seem to be angry a lot.

silentrun

I was on edge much of the first year off and on. Everything my husband did irritated me. Venting is good. We don't keep alcohol in the house either. He will still have a drink every once in a while. I am not the least bit jealous of those few drinks. I have no interest in a 2 drink buzz and I sure don't want to get drunk anymore so there is no point in drinking.

Kali15

This resonates with me so much - I was just thinking about how my AH is out at a BBQ drinking it up and high as I write this and while I don't wish I was there, it feels strange to be so alone.

I feel abandoned, unloved and unsupported.

At the same time I feel grateful that I have the strength today to take care of myself at home with my dogs and some videos and dark chocolate.

And tomorrow and Sunday will be another challenge as he will be off from work, smoking it up and drinking until Monday. It's tough to live with an alcoholic when I am trying not to be one. :-( Holding strong but hurting!

I am right now allowing myself to feel what I feel. Its okay to be angry, to move through that feeling and come back to center. I will not be derailed today!

Stay strong Serenidad!

exwell66

now that im sober,nicer,mellow,looking good so I am told I see things in my wife that are interesting,btw she dosnt drink.The last year I was a complete tool drunk out if my face everyday but kept to myself but I was blamed for the sun rising in the east.Now that I have my stuff together not going to go into details but I think she needs a drink to mellow out....just sayin....perception and reality are sometimes completely opposite...although things work the question right now is how they will work out

Serenidad

You're right least! I AM angry! Extremely ANGRY! I'll be the first to admit it and I won't bore you with all the "reasons" why. I think the person I am really angry at is MYSELF! I've got a lot of work to do. A LOT of work! But I'm ready for the challenge!!!

Step 1. Stay sober

Serenidad

Thanks for this silentrun. It's good to know in alone in my feelings and my ANGER!!! :-0

Serenidad

Thank you ****! I hope your husband can find his way into sobriety. That must be very hard! Kinda makes me feel bad for complaining actually. PM me anytime! I'm just watching TV and hanging our on SR tonite. (And playing with my puppy & kitty) :-)

Serenidad

That was supposed to say Thank you ****! Not sure why it **** it out. Weird.

Serenidad

Kali15...it did it again. It put *****!!! Weird! Oh well, I commented on your post above. :-)

ScottFromWI

Have you talked with your sponsor or been to a meeting today? You seemed quite happy with the group you attend yesterday...perhaps getting back into that frame of mind might help?

Anna

That is exactly what I found out when I stopped drinking. It was me, no one else. Therefore, the inside work and changing everything.

Kali15

Serenidad, LOL, computer apparently wanted to do its own thing....Thanks for the PM offering, I appreciate it so much. :-)

thomas11

Hey Serenidad, do you have, or have you had anger issues in the past, or is this just "a moment"?

Serenidad

Actually...YES! Haha. I went to 2 meetings today and met with my sponsor. :-0

Serenidad

I've had anger issues since I was a teenager as a result of horrible abuse and being raped. I numbed it with alcohol. Got sober in 2008. Went to therapy and put myself in anger management class. Got better. Relapsed in 2013 and got angry again. Luckily, I don't act out on my anger. I hold it in. Well, except when I dump it on you guys here on SR. ;-) Holding things in is dangerous for me. That's why I posted it here.

Fly N Buy

And did you start doing step work - or reading in the big book or reading in the 12 and 12???

Like I posted yesterday, meetings are great - love the fellowship, but they do no keep me sober.

That solution is in the first 103 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous.


Keep coming back

Debbie329

I'm not convinced it's all you...... What can you do to spoil yourself.....find it and do it. That's what I would do. It could be as simple as lunch. Or it could be a spa day. Or it could be a concert. Your not having any fun it seems....go play.