Newbie here....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Dfw, TX
Posts: 6
Newbie here....
Hey there everybody. Pulling off my cloak for the moment....as few know the real "me".... In fact no one does except....the real me :-/
Highly functional alcoholic for at least 7 years. Shakes and sweats at 3am....drink half bottle of wine.....pass out....up at 6am to start breakfast for kids....finish off bottle.....get kids to school and myself to work....MAKE sure I have a bottle with me. Get to work and put on my show....always funny...nice...professional...and productive..,,while filling up my Togo cup during the day....always with a straw.....then....leave work at 5....stop by store....pick up another bottle to get me through the evening....kids to hockey and cheerleading...all the while with my Togo cup.......and some backup ..... Then start all over at 3am again.
Yep....it's amazing I continue to live a quote normal life....but believe me...it has taken a toll on my body...my emotional state and my self confidence ....so...I find my confidence in my Togo cup....always.
My plan is to start a plan....and very happy to find this site.
Just need some inside buddies....who I can share with....as I push forward.
I've tried AA....but wasn't for me....also rehab....still not successful.
I've perfected the "hiding" aspect. Know how to hide it extremely well.
stopped telling those close to me I have a problem. All that has done is create doubt in their minds, disgust and distrust.
Not doing that again....it's my problem....and I will find a way out.
Unfortunately, the hard part is....my mind is willing to take the change...but my body has another opinion about quitting. Go figure...eh? Thanks for letting me share.
Highly functional alcoholic for at least 7 years. Shakes and sweats at 3am....drink half bottle of wine.....pass out....up at 6am to start breakfast for kids....finish off bottle.....get kids to school and myself to work....MAKE sure I have a bottle with me. Get to work and put on my show....always funny...nice...professional...and productive..,,while filling up my Togo cup during the day....always with a straw.....then....leave work at 5....stop by store....pick up another bottle to get me through the evening....kids to hockey and cheerleading...all the while with my Togo cup.......and some backup ..... Then start all over at 3am again.
Yep....it's amazing I continue to live a quote normal life....but believe me...it has taken a toll on my body...my emotional state and my self confidence ....so...I find my confidence in my Togo cup....always.
My plan is to start a plan....and very happy to find this site.
Just need some inside buddies....who I can share with....as I push forward.
I've tried AA....but wasn't for me....also rehab....still not successful.
I've perfected the "hiding" aspect. Know how to hide it extremely well.
stopped telling those close to me I have a problem. All that has done is create doubt in their minds, disgust and distrust.
Not doing that again....it's my problem....and I will find a way out.
Unfortunately, the hard part is....my mind is willing to take the change...but my body has another opinion about quitting. Go figure...eh? Thanks for letting me share.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Hi and Welcome,
Coming up with a plan is a really good idea and the following link might help you. I'm not an AA person either and there are many roads to recovery. The hiding aspect of alcoholism was a big thing with me. I was a closet drinker and I know that the lying and hiding played a big part in destroying my self-esteem. Have faith that you can do this:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Coming up with a plan is a really good idea and the following link might help you. I'm not an AA person either and there are many roads to recovery. The hiding aspect of alcoholism was a big thing with me. I was a closet drinker and I know that the lying and hiding played a big part in destroying my self-esteem. Have faith that you can do this:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
This was my story 5 years ago. A few different details, but I was the consummate expert at hiding booze. In my case it was vodka that I would add to my diet coke and would sip from day in and day out. At home, in my office, at sporting events with the kids. All day long, all night too. Never really crazy drunk (except for a few occasions) but always in search for the continuous buzz. I never let it stop.
But it was just too much work. Buying it, hiding it, disposing of the empties. Making sure no one knew what I was up to. I just couldn't see myself living like this the rest of my life.
Yes you can stop the insanity before it catches up to you, and it will. But I couldn't do it part time. It had to by a full commitment on my part and hopefully it will be for you too.
But it was just too much work. Buying it, hiding it, disposing of the empties. Making sure no one knew what I was up to. I just couldn't see myself living like this the rest of my life.
Yes you can stop the insanity before it catches up to you, and it will. But I couldn't do it part time. It had to by a full commitment on my part and hopefully it will be for you too.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome StrawSipper! It's wonderful to have you with us.
I was very much like that too. It went on for 30 yrs. In the end, I found myself completely dependent on it. It was in my system 24/7, or I'd shake & be ill. You're giving yourself a beautiful gift by admitting you can't continue this way. You'll avoid so much heartache and misery. You can do it, Straw.
I was very much like that too. It went on for 30 yrs. In the end, I found myself completely dependent on it. It was in my system 24/7, or I'd shake & be ill. You're giving yourself a beautiful gift by admitting you can't continue this way. You'll avoid so much heartache and misery. You can do it, Straw.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Welcome to SR, StrawSipper. I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of July 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a good way to learn from and help others who are also in early sobriety.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Welcome and best of luck to you.
For me, I found alcoholism had a way of pushing me around unmercifully until I got willing to start doing a whole lotta stuff that, up until right then, I felt was stupid and useless. It also had a way of forcing me to stop doing a whole lotta stuff I was sure was good for me.
Up until I finally got sober, every plan to get sober was of my own creation and all of them were formed while I was an active alcoholic. Maybe I wasn't drinking at the time of the formation of the plan but I was about to. By the time it hit me that I didn't know a think about how to get sober, stay sober or most importantly - get AND stay sober for the rest of my life WHILE being happy at the same time I was pretty willing to try some "new" stuff. I was willing to set aside some of my beliefs (that I'm not an alkie, that I can do it myself, that I don't need help, that nobody really knows the truth about me, that I was a "functioning alcoholic," and a bunch of other lies I told myself and chose to believe because that's what I felt like doing) and start taking advice from recovery "professionals." And by professionals I mean folks who had actual experience with being an alkie and actual experience on how to get past it. From there it was simple, follow their lead and listen to their advice.....
For me, I found alcoholism had a way of pushing me around unmercifully until I got willing to start doing a whole lotta stuff that, up until right then, I felt was stupid and useless. It also had a way of forcing me to stop doing a whole lotta stuff I was sure was good for me.
Up until I finally got sober, every plan to get sober was of my own creation and all of them were formed while I was an active alcoholic. Maybe I wasn't drinking at the time of the formation of the plan but I was about to. By the time it hit me that I didn't know a think about how to get sober, stay sober or most importantly - get AND stay sober for the rest of my life WHILE being happy at the same time I was pretty willing to try some "new" stuff. I was willing to set aside some of my beliefs (that I'm not an alkie, that I can do it myself, that I don't need help, that nobody really knows the truth about me, that I was a "functioning alcoholic," and a bunch of other lies I told myself and chose to believe because that's what I felt like doing) and start taking advice from recovery "professionals." And by professionals I mean folks who had actual experience with being an alkie and actual experience on how to get past it. From there it was simple, follow their lead and listen to their advice.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
I identify a lot with your feelings and experiences; it’s a lot of work to drink like we do.
I had several years of difficulty stopping because like many I could not be totally honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.
I also had to look at the reasons I didn’t like certain things that helped other people, usually self centered fear. Yes there are a lot of ways to get sober, often very good ones like this site. The problem we have as alcoholics is that in a matter of time WE drift away into other wants and in a month or 5 years we think that we are cured and start having a drink which in a week-month finds us back again. Recovery for most at this point is very difficult.
In my experience it’s far easier to not have the first drink AND change the reasons we drank in the first place, this is recovery long term.
BE WELL
I identify a lot with your feelings and experiences; it’s a lot of work to drink like we do.
I had several years of difficulty stopping because like many I could not be totally honest with myself about my drinking and accept the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.
I also had to look at the reasons I didn’t like certain things that helped other people, usually self centered fear. Yes there are a lot of ways to get sober, often very good ones like this site. The problem we have as alcoholics is that in a matter of time WE drift away into other wants and in a month or 5 years we think that we are cured and start having a drink which in a week-month finds us back again. Recovery for most at this point is very difficult.
In my experience it’s far easier to not have the first drink AND change the reasons we drank in the first place, this is recovery long term.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
Welcome! I hid my drinking well also! I understand. I'm a mother and work full time also. I joined this site last sept and it's been amazing. It is "our" problem and once unrealized it was all up to me then I made progress. Have you ever read sober boots? It's a great book!
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