exwell66

with this 4th day thing and my b day soon after I have been thinking about the situation.What has worked for me in my 80 or so days sober in everyday life is to put myself into the situation before it happens.It gets my heart rate up right away,a sort of conditioning of the mind.Going to a party tonight I know what will be there I am not going to sit in my house and be afraid of what might......I already know I will not drink.Now the fi thing I am working on it...It seems the buildup to it is worse than the situation,,,,that voice should be listened to way before you are in a position...have been talking to it for 80 days....workin so far

Dee74

Have a good sober weekend ex.
Have an escape plan too, in case it all gets too much.

I have to quibble a bit with this, ex.

It's not like we have two choices - go to the party - or stay home alone and be miserable.
There are a lot of sober things to do

There's a lot to be said for building up your 'sober muscles' before you attempt that first big 300 pound lift

D

Zufrieden

Hi Ex,
The part about your heart racing made me smile. Earlier today I was envisioning a typical 4th of July and as I began drinking (in my vision...) I swear to God my liver started hurting. All the posts that discuss "playing the tape" forward have been really helpful for me.
I appreciate Dee's point of view about the 300 lb. lift and wish you strength when you are there. I have felt really strong since quitting drinking but..... you see people daily coming back baffled that they had relapsed.... people that were certain that they were beyond the point where it would happen. The stories give me pause....
Happy 4th!
d

exwell66

Totally aware that I am a fragile flower.Went to the small party some didn't know im sober now they know,,,,no big deal.Grucci put on a small fireworks show very cool.I must admit it is going to take getting used to being sober,now its not a word its a way of life everything for the last 20 plus years is out.Felt a bit uncomfortable but its really the only option I want to choose.Realizing that honeymoon is over dwelling on the sht parts and they outweigh any buzz

DuhDave

Anticipation is many times more agonizing than the "Event" itself.

Let go of your..."What if's"...make "alternate plans".

DD

Zufrieden

Excellent news
Glad to hear it went that way.
Best
D

Berrybean

It was weird reading your first post. Just reading that YOUR heart-rate goes right up, started mine feeling the same. I sometimes get the same at school if one of my pupils is stressed. I have to lead them through (physical) self-calming strategies and calm down with them. Doh!

I find that I definitely need to plan ahead and have coping strategies in mind - if I was going to a party this would often include an exit strategy (how to remove myself if the situation becomes negative or when others are too drunk to be fun to talk to) ; a verbal strategy (how I want to deal with people who ask why I'm not drinking any more); and a tools strategy (do I need to take anything with me to help (might include a map with local late night coffee stops on it so I can zip off for a break; my little book of collected wisdom and quotes to regain focus in the loo; my mp3 with AA speaker recordings on to listen to while travelling there / back; my sponsor and other AA friends numbers; etc.)

I do have to be careful not to get into a cycle where projecting about the situation becomes as stressful as the actual event, if not more so, because my imagination can do weird s**t with even the most straightforward reality. I find that I can easily find myself starting to form resentments and fears about things that haven't actually happened and never WILL happen. If something about a future event is worrying me I often run it by my sponsor, and she helps me adjust my perspective by guiding me through separating out the planning ahead from the fear-led projection.

exwell66

well I am starting to justify having a few...just at the beach in private because....I know I sound like an isiot after all I have posted but that's my mind today.I am thinking just a few drinks then back to reality right.can it be done I sont know,,,just thinking out loud here..

Soberwolf

What D said

Berrybean

Time to tell your AV to shut up. That's NOT your mind, it's your AV and you can ignore it if you want to.

Ignore it.

PurpleKnight

Playing the tape to the end can be a great tool, also having a plan to ensure a hangover free morning the next day is important too!!

However don't be afraid to give things a miss, sometimes we do need to build up a few Sober muscles first before being in situations with alcohol in the short term!!

Hope it all goes well!!

Austin4Wyo

I've always struggled to relate to this. During the daily/binge drinking, it didn't matter if it was a holiday or not. I drank to oblivion.

I guess that's how I approach it now...the day didn't make a difference to my drinking (nor did the company I was keeping or not keeping during the solitary drinking days), so I won't allow it to make a difference regarding my recovery.

Keep at it. It may be Independence Day, but remember, its still only 24 hours long.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

Hevyn

Hi exwell - I'm glad you wanted to talk about what's going on. Yes, it's challenging - especially the first holidays after quitting. It gets so much easier as we realize we can enjoy these celebrations in a different way. The times I gave in to AV were never as much fun as I imagined they'd be. I finally realized I wasn't missing out on a thing.

We're with you.

exwell66

thanks for the support I am wrestling with this,It is the first time since rehab that I am questioning myself.As far as me in the past everyday was happy day.cant go back there.The swings in my thoughts from dark side to the light is remarkable.Its not like the first time I left rehab and lasted 5 minutes.not leaving until sunday return sat will see if I get that far.Honestly I have p[lanned it out already.....drinking that is.I hope it dosnt happen.I still have a few days to get my mind right

sg1970

Why don't you explain to us what is so special about having a few drinks that makes it worth blowing the sober time you have?

Soberwolf

If you dont think you can stay sober to me thats a red flag & i just wouldnt go i say that with care bud

By staying back & building up your sober muscles maybe sometime later you could give your sober muscles a flex but for now if your feeling like that my honest advice is dont go

PurpleKnight

Simply hoping never seemed to get me that far, my good intentions were never strong enough for my addiction in isolation.

Whereas a plan and action to make Sobriety happen by being pro active, that's what really worked, and sometimes that meant not putting myself in certain situations to begin with!!

Dee74

Nothings more important than your recovery, ex.

D