Blew it after 15 days
 

Hey people. I need to check in. I can't take it anymore. I was doing great and then BAM! I went a couple of rounds with the AV and I lost. My wife and kids went out of town for the weekend. I was unable to go because of work commitments I wish I would have went. I learned one thing through all this is, that I do not do well alone. So, I thought it would be a great idea to get a case of beer ( the AV assured me this would be fine and I could make it last a few days, ha,ha,ha). I just had this feeling that nothing good was come out of this, because nothing ever does when I drink. I ended up going to my friends house where it just got out of control. Drinking all night and eating pot banana bread. Anyway, I am back and not drinking today. Here's to another day one. I hate the shame, but I will just have to move forward. Thanks.

It'd be easier if AV's responded to shame, instead of being the type of thinking that just flat out ignores it. But You do right? You choose not put yourself into a shameful experience , don't debate with or go rounds with the AV , flat out answer it (the thinking that sees drinking in a positive light) with the idea that you experience shame and it is painful, stop doing it. You can do this, rootin for ya.

Glad you posted. I didn't do well alone either. Being alone was always a trigger for me to drink. That was a hard one to deal with. I'm glad you posted and that you're working on your recovery again.

At least you know it is a trigger Vexed and can guard against it in future.

It seems to be a guy thing or is that my imagination?

boy have I been there...

dust yourself off, take the lessons and internalize them, recommit and really embrace sobriety.

these falls result in growth if we use them wisely.

Have you got a recovery plan

Thanks everyone. I signed up for the class of July thread. I need the accountability. I hate the way the guilt and shame wear on you. I will dust myself off. I had one of the best couple of weeks with my family. I want to get that back again. I am relieved that the family is on their way home.

Something I realised early on was I needed support in the good times aswell as the difficult times, because when my mind in isolation would start to sell me all the fairytales about drinking that it could get away with.

Instead I needed something to keep me focused on the job at hand, something to give me a second opinion on things, short circuit my own through processes.

Go at things again!! You can do this!! :)

Boy can I relate. Being alone is not my strong suit. Best I can offer is to learn from it, and move on. And it sounds like you have.