| 2ndhandrose | 07-01-2015 11:14 AM |
Happy 6 month sober!
Today is my 6 month sober day!!! I am so happy to finally be able to say this, I have been counting down the days!
I had my first drink (and drunk) when I was 14 years old, went into recovery for 6 years in my late 20's to early 30's and then relapsed for around 22 years.
I had always meant to get back to sober living but you know how that goes. I never made a plan, my husband is an active alcoholic, life just drifted by. Rationalizations, denial and plenty of vodka kept me fooled.
Then this past fall I had a health scare (liver values tested out of range). I was told to quit drinking and return in 3 months for retesting. I was angry. Angry that this foreseeable event was happening, angry that I wasn't making my own choice to quit drinking, angry that I would not have the opportunity to drink normally (right, as if :lmao)
I did not go away and quit drinking. The only change I made was to limit the number of nights I drank while I thought about what this meant. I couldn't see my way out of this without quitting booze. How mad and humiliated would I be if I were to die of something alcohol related when all I had to do to avoid that would be to NOT drink?!
After much soul searching I made a decision (it now felt like MY decision) to quit drinking on December 31, 2014.
On that night I drank at home with my husband. He went to bed around 10 PM and I continued on to see in the new year and because this was it, the end of drinking. When I was ready to call it over I still had half a bottle of vodka left. What to do with it?? I debated keeping it but I knew it would be waaayyy to tempting. I tipped it over and began pouring it out and as I watched it go down the drain I knew that this was real and it was happening and I was going to quit drinking. It was an oddly solid and real life moment, despite being drunk. I feel proud of myself when I think about it. In a way, it was like a funeral for my alcoholic self. Goodbye and good riddance.
It hasn't all been a walk in the park since then. But good days or bad, I am completely committed to sober living. Alcohol wasn't just hurting my body, it was killing my spirit. I am taking my life back.
Finding SR has been such a blessing for me. I have learned so much here. Running the tape through to the end is a big one. Very sobering. I have gained some insight into my previous relapse. I see now that my AV had been grooming me for sometime prior. It didn't just happen "out of the blue, with no warning". And I am learning to recognize my AV. I have a long way to go but now I have hope and a belief that I will continue finding my way.
Thank you all for the support I see here on a daily basis, given to everyone. :thanks
We are all in this together :grouphug: | 