Looking back, through the lens, in person...
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Looking back, through the lens, in person...
So I spent a weekend in Baja with friends. As many of you already read - the week ahead of it was spent working through my doubts and concerns and getting to a place of feeling on good solid sobriety ground before I went.
It was a weekend in a place and surrounded by people that - in my previous experience - had always been deeply-entrenched in alcohol. My preparation was well-founded and served me. I think my ability to make it through without drinking was grounded in taking the time to really go into it with the right mind and heart.
While there, I had fun. But I also saw myself... my past self... in a new light. I had conversations that were totally one-sided. When I tried to contribute or respond or engage with the super-drunk person who was talking to me; it didn't even register. I watched other conversations between drunken people and recognized that both parties were doing that to one another... and nobody really communicating. Half the content was just incomprehensible. Topics shifted and never completed. Topics that were just complete nonsense. Minds that were firing on chemicals and swimming in toxins.
I saw people nearly get into fights over nothing at all. Perceived slights, made up in alcohol-soaked minds.
I watched friends wake in misery... drag themselves to their first slug of vodka, cocktail, beer.... choke down breakfast... slam tequila before nine am.
I heard labored, snoring breathing coming from passed out comrades.
I observed bodies out of shape and headed nowhere but downhill... bloated bellies and sagging flesh and musculature long gone.
I noticed that I was one of the very few who actually made it out surfing - while others were either too drunk or hungover. And the two others who did go went out drunk and didn't stay long or have particularly good surf sessions....
I felt tired after the weekend, but not physically destroyed, not nauseated, not ashamed, not in pain or misery. I watched my friends slowly sober up in the hours-long border crossing line. They seemed in much rougher shape than I.
I went to watch the sunset when we arrived in our destination in orange county.... the others went off to crash. They were too miserable to bother walking to the beach. That sunset was incredible.
I didn't have to make up excuses about what I'd done, I didn't have to try to piece together what had happened, I didn't blow loads of money on things I couldn't even recall. I didn't break anything or lose anything or say anything I regret. I observed several others who were not in my same shoes on those counts. I reflected on how many times that had been me in the past. I was grateful it wasn't me this time.
I came to realize deeply that what I have; a loving / beloved family with whom I enjoy being and spending time, a life I cherish and can appreciate in sobriety, a home and my health and friendships and community are all pretty wonderful things. I came to realize just as deeply how many of my friends seemed to be numbing and blotting out and anesthetizing themselves to the detriment of all those very same things. I came to realize that in my own life, I had too.
I have come back to this post several times after several interruptions. I'm sure there's more I wanted to say. There was an awful lot wrapped up in this whole experience; from the deciding process when I first got invited, to the accepting the invitation to the preparation to the experience itself to the process of letting it all percolate.
I walked away from it having seen a lot of powerful images that reinforce my gratitude for sobriety. I walked away from it with a reinforced sense of stability in surroundings where heavy drinking is involved. I walked away with a much deeper sense of not wanting to be around those surroundings.
I walked away from it having been seen by a number of friends who I can tell genuinely saw the difference and were quietly and some not-so-quietly both amazed by it and even jealous of it.
I'm glad I went. I'm pretty sure I won't make a habit of it. I'd rather be spending the time with friends who are focused on life - not drinking life away. I'd rather spend time with my family cherishing life - not watching others leave their families to drink or lament their lack of family ties. I'd rather see those friends who are among that lot in different, healthier surroundings - not delve into experiences with them that will leave me with mixed emotions and feeling disappointed....
I guess that's all I have for now. I hope there's something of use in this for someone.
There was for me.
#soberliferocks
It was a weekend in a place and surrounded by people that - in my previous experience - had always been deeply-entrenched in alcohol. My preparation was well-founded and served me. I think my ability to make it through without drinking was grounded in taking the time to really go into it with the right mind and heart.
While there, I had fun. But I also saw myself... my past self... in a new light. I had conversations that were totally one-sided. When I tried to contribute or respond or engage with the super-drunk person who was talking to me; it didn't even register. I watched other conversations between drunken people and recognized that both parties were doing that to one another... and nobody really communicating. Half the content was just incomprehensible. Topics shifted and never completed. Topics that were just complete nonsense. Minds that were firing on chemicals and swimming in toxins.
I saw people nearly get into fights over nothing at all. Perceived slights, made up in alcohol-soaked minds.
I watched friends wake in misery... drag themselves to their first slug of vodka, cocktail, beer.... choke down breakfast... slam tequila before nine am.
I heard labored, snoring breathing coming from passed out comrades.
I observed bodies out of shape and headed nowhere but downhill... bloated bellies and sagging flesh and musculature long gone.
I noticed that I was one of the very few who actually made it out surfing - while others were either too drunk or hungover. And the two others who did go went out drunk and didn't stay long or have particularly good surf sessions....
I felt tired after the weekend, but not physically destroyed, not nauseated, not ashamed, not in pain or misery. I watched my friends slowly sober up in the hours-long border crossing line. They seemed in much rougher shape than I.
I went to watch the sunset when we arrived in our destination in orange county.... the others went off to crash. They were too miserable to bother walking to the beach. That sunset was incredible.
I didn't have to make up excuses about what I'd done, I didn't have to try to piece together what had happened, I didn't blow loads of money on things I couldn't even recall. I didn't break anything or lose anything or say anything I regret. I observed several others who were not in my same shoes on those counts. I reflected on how many times that had been me in the past. I was grateful it wasn't me this time.
I came to realize deeply that what I have; a loving / beloved family with whom I enjoy being and spending time, a life I cherish and can appreciate in sobriety, a home and my health and friendships and community are all pretty wonderful things. I came to realize just as deeply how many of my friends seemed to be numbing and blotting out and anesthetizing themselves to the detriment of all those very same things. I came to realize that in my own life, I had too.
I have come back to this post several times after several interruptions. I'm sure there's more I wanted to say. There was an awful lot wrapped up in this whole experience; from the deciding process when I first got invited, to the accepting the invitation to the preparation to the experience itself to the process of letting it all percolate.
I walked away from it having seen a lot of powerful images that reinforce my gratitude for sobriety. I walked away from it with a reinforced sense of stability in surroundings where heavy drinking is involved. I walked away with a much deeper sense of not wanting to be around those surroundings.
I walked away from it having been seen by a number of friends who I can tell genuinely saw the difference and were quietly and some not-so-quietly both amazed by it and even jealous of it.
I'm glad I went. I'm pretty sure I won't make a habit of it. I'd rather be spending the time with friends who are focused on life - not drinking life away. I'd rather spend time with my family cherishing life - not watching others leave their families to drink or lament their lack of family ties. I'd rather see those friends who are among that lot in different, healthier surroundings - not delve into experiences with them that will leave me with mixed emotions and feeling disappointed....
I guess that's all I have for now. I hope there's something of use in this for someone.
There was for me.
#soberliferocks
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 562
See how much you've grown? I didn't think you'd enjoy that weekend.....it's never fun being around intoxicated people when your sober. It's like your babysitting. It's good you went.....now you know what your not missing.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I have found being around drunk people to be just sad. Once we discover that there is an incredible life in sobriety we have something to contrast our old lives to and the picture isn't pretty.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Great post.
It seems the experience of it was if not needful at least a nice cement teachable/observable collection of moments. In the foreseeable future, I'd " Bah- Ha", revisiting sounds like it would be less teachible and less enjoyable, OC sounded Nice !
It seems the experience of it was if not needful at least a nice cement teachable/observable collection of moments. In the foreseeable future, I'd " Bah- Ha", revisiting sounds like it would be less teachible and less enjoyable, OC sounded Nice !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by dwtbd 
Great post. It seems the experience of it was if not needful at least a nice cement teachable/observable collection of moments. In the foreseeable future, I'd " Bah- Ha", revisiting sounds like it would be less teachible and less enjoyable, OC sounded Nice !
This was an experience I found useful, but also disappointing and not something I want to spend my precious time on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Yes wonderful post. Well written! A useful trip indeed. But I almost felt a bit bad for you surrounded by all that drunkenness. Or maybe I just feel bad for humanity? I hope you get to enjoy a sober trip with someone who appreciates life as much as you. Well done!
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