hello ...
 

Hi, I'm a newcomer here. I have almost 10 months sober (next week). Mostly I am loving being sober. It has been a wonderful gift.

I am looking for help on quieting that voice that still sometimes tells me "I'm not an alcoholic" and that I don't have to keep going to AA. I had a very "high bottom" and quit without any outside consequences. While that's a fortunate thing for me, it sometimes makes me confused about whether I'm really an alcoholic. Sometimes I enjoy AA, but I often feel like I don't quite belong and don't relate, as most of the things that people talk about didn't happen to me. I have a sponsor and work the steps, but still I struggle with this.

I know that I want to stay sober, and that entertaining thoughts about whether I was an alcoholic or just a heavy drinker is not productive. Because either way, the best thing for me is not to drink. But the thought comes back anyway ...

Does anyone have experience or insight with this?

Thank you
Louisa

Welcome to the site, tursiops999 .

That "voice" is just like a memory or a trigger. It's the voice of your addiction trying to get a stronghold again. I think everyone who quits drinking has that voice to an extent. It's just a thought. The longer I go without a drink, the better I've gotten at recognizing it and letting it go. I just say, "Hm, there it is again. I don't drink."

If you had problems with alcohol that were serious enough to go to AA, then I'd think that regardless of whether you have doubts or not, not drinking is definitely a good call.

There is a recovery program called AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Program) that talks a lot about this, and has a different slant than AA. Google Rational Recovery for more info.

You'll be okay. Just because you think something, doesn't mean you're going to act on it.

Do you do any meditation? Meditation is good for that.

Welcome Louisa - 10 months is a great achievement.

I questioned myself a few times, and it led to disaster when I tried to be a social drinker. I was thankful when the 'voice' stopped trying to tempt me. I was content and safe being sober - I finally decided it wasn't worth the risk. I hope it'll help to be here with us - we're so glad to meet you.

Welcome to the family and congrats on ten months sober! :scoregood That 'voice' gets quieter the longer you're sober. Try keeping a gratitude list every day. Give thanks for your blessings. Gratitude made the difference in making my sobriety stronger. :)

Welcome tursiops999

Welcome! We are all a bit unique yet have the same basic issue. I think it's so much better to stay sober long before hitting bottom - you'll have less to regret later.

Welcome, Tursiops!

I am a big proponent of AA, but I think you should take a look at Rational Recovery, which is discussed here in our Secular Recovery forum. There is an "AVRT Crash Course" you can take on-line that gives a good idea of what the program is about.

Well what made you go to AA in the first place? Perhaps you're one of the lucky ones that chose to stop at a good time. Instead of coming on here years later saying how you lost your wife or job or whatever

Good suggestions given about AVRT and you might also want to check out Smart Recovery. They dont use labels, sponsors, steps but offer behavioral tools to help you progress down your path and reach your own defined goals.

Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®

Congrats on 10 months and welcome to SR, tursiops999! Maybe you need to write out your story of addiction and remind yourself of why you made the smart decision to quit in the first place.

Hope to see you become a regular participant here! The fellowship here is amazing and we need you too.

Someone on this site has a signature line that says something like "Those who don't need to control their drinking don't have a voice in their head telling them they can." I really related to that and think about it often. There is no doubt I am an alcoholic.

thanks everyone, for the feedback and good suggestions. I'll check out AVRT. Also will stick with AA at least for awhile, as I do want to stay sober and it is working so far.

Welcome to the Forum Louisa!! :wave:

Welcome Louisa

Hi Louisa, welcome!

an update ...

after reading about AVRT and thinking about it, it seems clear that those thoughts I was having are just the AV trying to get me to start believing I didn't have a problem. But I did have a problem, regardless of how it is labeled.

It occurs to me that instead of obsessing over the differences in my "hitting bottom" compared to other people "hitting bottom", I could simply choose to be grateful that I didn't have to suffer any more than I did. And I could focus on being compassionate to other people in recovery who are all working hard, just as I am, to do things differently.

I'm glad I found this site. :)

Welcome tursiops! So glad you're researching. Like you I didn't feel I fit in with my AA groups I visited. And like you I've wondered if I'm a "true alcoholic." But when I talk to support system, it hits me that even though i was never physically addicted to alcohol, drinking was a problem for me and later, for those around me. I could label it what I want, but the fact is I'm a person who just can never drink again. Because I was also lucky enough that I didnt hit a bottom that involved jail, DUIs, wrecks, divorce, or bankruptcy; but I know that I wasn't far from any number of those things. Problem drinking, binge drinking, alcoholism- it's all so progressive. I'm glad i got out when I did, and I'm so glad you did too!

Welcome and congrats on the 10 months!

Welcome and congrats on your progress! Reading your comment it sounds like you had an "aha moment". I'm often have those thoughts also.. Nothing extremely horrible happened "yet"

I was told that the voice will never actually shut up / go away, but we get better at ignoring it or reacting to it (reacting could just as easily mean getting stressed out by it as actually doing what it says).

I listened to a speaker on one of the AA speaker recordings who recalled a TV comedy show, where an rude; ignorant; overbearing 'Mom' visits her adult children. When she visits her son and spends all weekend nagging and criticising he argues back; tries to reason with her; and almost goes mad by the end of the visit. When the 'Mom' visits the daughter in the next episode, and does exactly the same thing, the daughter just laughs and says 'Ohhhh Mommmm. Shut uuuuup' and gives her a hug. I try to inwardly respond like the daughter to my AV. 'Ohhhh Alcoholic Voice. Shut uuuuup' - even including the *hug* - because self-hating can be dangerously counter-productive.

PS Listening to those speaker tapes can be really powerful generally - just to keep things ticking over and my mind in the 'right' place so I don't wander from my sober path.