I'm really afraid I can't do this...

Old 06-28-2015, 07:55 PM
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I'm really afraid I can't do this...

I don't really even know what to say right now. I'm taking the step. I'm doing this for real. I took my (hopefully) last drink last Thursday. It's been a work in progress, I cut out alcohol quite a bit these past few months, mostly substituting with weed, but I'm done with that now, too. I want to be sober. And I have been for 3 days now. I just forgot what it was like. I haven't been this sober in years.

Thing is, I have no freakin' clue what I'm even doing. I have determination right now, but all things considered, my life is okay right now. Nothing majorly stressful happening. I feel so fragile and I'm afraid this won't last. What am I supposed to do to make this stick? I've been here before, but I've always failed.

So I made an account here. No one in my real life knows anything. My family are the only ones who even know I have a problem, but I've pushed them so far away I can't expect any support from them. And I don't want it anyway. I have no friends. I live alone. But I figured I may as well use the wonderful internet to help me connect with people who know what a struggle this is.

I guess I just need someone to tell me that I can do this, despite the fact that I never even really learned how to healthily cope with life. I'm sitting here even now thinking about how nice it would be to just give in. I'm hoping it's just these first few days that suck this bad. Also, when does sleep get better? I feel lost in my own bed.

Anyway, thanks for reading the slight rambling. It's nice to meet you all. And I hope to hear a lot from you on this journey I've started.
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:05 PM
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Welcome and feel free to ask questions, I find it is nice the further away I get from using.
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:07 PM
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Welcome Limited!

Glad you are here. Conquer one day the conquer the next. You CAN do this! Anxiety fades and sleep gets easier soon.
I'm 136 free from binge drinking and feel great. Keep posting and reading
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:13 PM
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Welcome! I am also kind of a closet drinker. I wait till my husband is at work or in bed then booze it up. He knows I drink but yet he has no clue the extent. I have noticed myself pushing him away so I can drink. However I am sure if you reach out you probably have family and friends who would love to talk with you.

I am here too! I just joined as well. Welcome!
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Old 06-28-2015, 08:42 PM
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Super good idea to use the web as a means of finding others who know what you're going through.
There is a lot of recovery on this site.
I was a mess when I first got sober. I did not know how to talk to anyone , I couldn't look people In the eye . I didn't know how to do basic things and I would have dread and panic attacks over simple things like trying to get Comcast to set up wire less in my house. It was also the most alone I had ever felt .
turns out most of my friends were really drinking buddies and we had nothing in common.
I had no idea what I liked (hobbies?? I was too messed up all day to do anything productive)
it took some time and some work. I had to learn everything. I sought out therapy and got involved in my community by volunteering and taking classes. I learned That I was actu ally really good at a lot of things.
I learned how to make friends and how to bond with people without getting drunk.
Recovery has been up and down for me- and it's involved lots of different things .
Take a look around the site and see what sticks out to you. When yiu want a drimk, think aboit just putting it off. Just don't take a drink right now, when I think of forever it freaks me out but I can do it for just right now.

it is normal to have disrupted sleep for a while. If It lasts too long or you are concerned seeing a dr is a good idea.
Hope to hear more from you!
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Old 06-28-2015, 09:28 PM
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The book 'Living Sober' might be a good place to start - available very cheaply from Amazon, it's short and to the point, with lots of great advice.

Like you, I found a huge chasm between being sober, and learning to live happily sober (Recovery). My personal journey has taken me the AA route, working the 12-steps with support from others who understand what it feels like.

During the first week (month) or so, I remember feeling very raw. My nerves were alternating between jangling and muffled, and I had a kind of 'washing-machine head' going on. My first month I spent sober and alone, and I hope that will be the last 'sober and alone' month I ever spend. My fears and anxieties sky-rocketed, and I was more of an emotional mess than I had been while drinking. My crutch has been side-swiped from under me and it was as much as I could do to maintain an outward impression of coping. Once I got to AA and could sit and listen to others sharing their experience, hope and strength I got some relief for a while. It was a bit later when I finally got off my bum and got a sponsor and started working on my steps that I found more comfort and serenity in sobriety.

I suppose what I'm saying is that putting the drink (and drugs) to one side is a massive and fantastic first step on your journey to recovery, but it is just the start. Our problems didn't just start as soon as we picked up. They don't just disappear when we put down. Many of us have years of ineffective coping strategies to unlearn, and new ones to get our heads around. We have to discover who this strange, subdued sober person we see in the mirror actually is.

It sounds like you're doing great. Welcome to Sober Recovery. I hope you have a smooth recovery. Keep posting on here to let us know how you're getting on, and share your own insight with others. This site can make a huge difference.

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Old 06-28-2015, 09:32 PM
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Hello and welcome.
Yeah, I know how you feel. I was lost in the sober days, too. I adjusted myself and realized not everyone was a drunk like me. I lived to drink. And it was bad.
But, I never gave up trying to quit. That took action.
And don't feel alone, I've been sober four and 1/2 years and don't know what I'm doing.
You'll find a lot of support here. And it does get better. I promise.
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Old 06-28-2015, 09:40 PM
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Welcome to SR Limited Lemur - you absolutely can do this

I was getting towards being an end stage alcoholic - the support of this forum helped me turn my life around - I know we can do that for you too

Try not to think of this as some immense mountain before you - you take it like you take life - one day at a time

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Old 06-29-2015, 10:13 AM
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Welcome to SR bud

Like D said if it does appear like a mountain blow it up & take it piece by piece day by day

Were here to offer support & advice 24/7 bud
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:03 AM
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Welcome LimitedLemur,

There is a ton of support to be had here on SoberRecovery.

Read as much as you can and then a bit more, you will find what speaks to you.

Take heart, it does get better
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:07 AM
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You absolutely can do it!
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:07 AM
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You can do this, and we're here to offer support.

I hope you continue to read and post.
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:58 AM
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Welcome to the Forum LimitedLemur!!
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Old 06-29-2015, 12:10 PM
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Hi and welcome LimitedLemur. Just one step at a time, that's all it needs.
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Old 06-29-2015, 12:21 PM
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Thank you everyone for all of your caring replies! I'm really glad I found this community, it's helping me feel like this is something that I can do.

I've had a pretty good day so far and things are already looking up. Reading through all of this is helping, too. And thanks to those of you who shared your stories with me, it's very encouraging. It's amazing the strength on this board
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Old 06-29-2015, 12:33 PM
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You can do it. This place is full of folks, just like you, that started with Day 1 and are still going strong - days, weeks, months, years and yes, even decades later
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Old 06-29-2015, 02:59 PM
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Do everything in your power to remain drug and booze free for a week or two and things will come together. The good people at this site will help you every step of the way. You mentioned needing someone to tell you can do this, well add me to the list: You can do this.
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Old 06-29-2015, 03:16 PM
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I couldn't agree more... you can do this. Welcome to SR.
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Old 06-29-2015, 03:28 PM
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I know the feeling. I'm on day 8. I was just a drinker. I am finding that small projects and tasks have helped keep me busy and let me take a step back and be like, "Whoa, I did that instead of being glued to the couch or on a merry go round from the couch to the fridge." I also realize how much I don't have to clench my stomach muscles and grin and bear it through hangovers. I am ready for anything. I can enjoy blue skies and clean air. Just focus on small moments, and they'll add up quickly.
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