Upstaino

I have been reading posts for several months and finally decided to write. I just left (3 days ago) my live-in abf. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I have 2 kids (ages 8 and 11..from a previous marriage) that I did my best to shield from his out of control behavior....but ultimately decided they (and i) deserved better. . We have endured behavior from him that was beyond excusable; sadly..it was downright abusive at times....but I stayed because I was (and still am) madly in love with him. I am so lost. I don't know what to do. I intellectually know it was the the "right" thing to do...but I am so heartbroken. I don't know how to reconcile my emotions with my actions. Any advice?

Dee74

Hi and welcome Upstaino

I'm really sorry for what brings you here. I know from my past some of the people I've loved the most have been the worst for me.

There's a lot of support and understanding here - please read and post as much as you like

IOAA2

Hi.
My symphony goes to you in your difficult period.

On this site is a forum called “Friends and Family” that can help in many ways along with Al Anon meetings in your area for eye to eye support.

BE WELL

Soberwolf

Hi Upstaino welcome to SR youl find so much support here

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Upstaino!!

Myroadtorecover

Im really sorry for what happens to you and your kids no woman should endure such horror like abuse its not right and especially the kids, what you did was awesome you stood up and took control of your life and left, yes I understand you still love him and there's history but you must carry on and find something to occupy your time with, find a good job and be with your kids. It's important that you carry on with taking care of your kids and being the best mom ever! But also make time yourself and love yourself again before loving another man. You have so much to live for and to make great on! You are a courageous and amazing woman and you should never forget that at all. You are a super woman for what you did in that situation and now its time to live your life and be happy with your kids and to love yourself unconditionally!

Anna

I'm very sorry for what you're going through, but I'm glad that you and your children are safe.

biminiblue

It is always difficult to let go when we lose a significant other. Time will heal this.

I think staying busy with things you love will help, and being kind to yourself. Bubble baths, a new outfit, movies, a walk, spending time with your kids You'll make it through this. You did the right thing.

Upstaino

Thanks so much, everyone. I am taking it day by day...and trying to stay positive. It's been helping to have friends to talk to...and reading the posts communicating with folks on these forums. I must sadly admit part of me almost wishes I hadn't left...maybe we could have made it work if I tried harder.....or gave a little more...but of course...that was how we lived every day and in the end , it really made no difference because it was never enough. Ugh. Just wish I could fast forward through the next couple of months and come out on the other side a happy person.

jezzebelle

well done Upstaino - you've done right by you and your children, In years to come they will thank you and acknowledge your emotional strength in taking such a big step!

Soberwolf

Your doing the right thing