I am not a newcomer but have a problem :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 141
I am not a newcomer but have a problem :(
I am a 43 year old woman who has been sober since 539 days. I thought I was doing ok since I don't have the awful hangovers, since I lost weight, since I don't experience brownouts anymore... And my two teenagers are so happy.
But just these last couple months I am in a mood where I think I lost my color. I never want to go out. Because when I go out I don't enjoy anything. Everyone around me drinks. They get tipsy. They have fun. And I just stand there pretending that I am having as much fun as they do. My sexual life diminished to almost zero. I used to have one night stands where I had fun and enjoyed myself and found my self attractive and irresistible. Before I used to seduce every man I wanted, now I can't approach anyone let alone using my womanhood. I started writing since last September. We formed a group in my writing class. And guess what? Everyone in the group drinks except this one girl. And she is kind of unusual too. I am tired of explaining people why I am not drinking.
By the way since a year ago I have also become a vegetarian. So people think I am boring. I am a good looking woman. But I never meet any one anymore since I don't go out.
I wasn't an alcoholic but an abusive drinker. Just nowadays I am thinking what happens if I drink couple glasses of wine just to get a little tipsy and go with the crowd. But then I say no. And here I go, entering the same circle of loneliness (preferred loneliness I call that), and colorlessness.
What do you suggest? Will it hurt to start wine? Or should I just accept my life like this and go on...
But just these last couple months I am in a mood where I think I lost my color. I never want to go out. Because when I go out I don't enjoy anything. Everyone around me drinks. They get tipsy. They have fun. And I just stand there pretending that I am having as much fun as they do. My sexual life diminished to almost zero. I used to have one night stands where I had fun and enjoyed myself and found my self attractive and irresistible. Before I used to seduce every man I wanted, now I can't approach anyone let alone using my womanhood. I started writing since last September. We formed a group in my writing class. And guess what? Everyone in the group drinks except this one girl. And she is kind of unusual too. I am tired of explaining people why I am not drinking.
By the way since a year ago I have also become a vegetarian. So people think I am boring. I am a good looking woman. But I never meet any one anymore since I don't go out.
I wasn't an alcoholic but an abusive drinker. Just nowadays I am thinking what happens if I drink couple glasses of wine just to get a little tipsy and go with the crowd. But then I say no. And here I go, entering the same circle of loneliness (preferred loneliness I call that), and colorlessness.
What do you suggest? Will it hurt to start wine? Or should I just accept my life like this and go on...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Please don't throw away your awesome sober time just because you think your life is boring. Make it more exciting. It's suggested here a lot, but it's a good suggestion - why not volunteer somewhere? There are lots of places that could use help. A soup kitchen, a women's shelter, an animal shelter. Lots of places where you could make a difference. Give it a try. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Don't drink.
Seduce any man you want? Well... It's not hard for a drunk woman to seduce a drunk man. And the life of one night stands is devoid of real love and meaning.
You're not boring as a sober vegatarian... You're a healthy person experiencing life awake, aware and full!
It sounds to me like you may be suffering from a little depression and perhaps need to focus on trying new things and exploring all that life has to offer.... There is SO much more to it than one night stands and getting buzzed or wasted.
It's normal to feel this way, but your response doesn't need to be to go back to the madness of alcohol. I hope you'll choose to embrace sobriety and learn to love life and yourself without needing to poison yourself and your life with booze.
A counselor may help too. Therapy was helpful to me in working through depression and emotional struggles in early sobriety.
Seduce any man you want? Well... It's not hard for a drunk woman to seduce a drunk man. And the life of one night stands is devoid of real love and meaning.
You're not boring as a sober vegatarian... You're a healthy person experiencing life awake, aware and full!
It sounds to me like you may be suffering from a little depression and perhaps need to focus on trying new things and exploring all that life has to offer.... There is SO much more to it than one night stands and getting buzzed or wasted.
It's normal to feel this way, but your response doesn't need to be to go back to the madness of alcohol. I hope you'll choose to embrace sobriety and learn to love life and yourself without needing to poison yourself and your life with booze.
A counselor may help too. Therapy was helpful to me in working through depression and emotional struggles in early sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
You found yourself attractive and irresistible? Really? I hated myself.
And you don't mention any of the bad stuff that happened as a result of your "abusive" drinking. Think back. If your life as a drinker was so great, I doubt that you would have made the effort to quit for as long as you have.
I get that sobriety requires adjustment. Major adjustment. And, without alcohol to mask my feelings, I find myself having to face up to the sadness and loneliness that I sometimes feel. I can't just drown those emotions in alcohol anymore. But even faced with that sadness and loneliness, my life is better now that I am sober. It isn't perfect. But it is better.
And if you are concerned about being attractive to men, FWIW you sound like a much better "catch" as a sober vegetarian than you did as a heavier, drunken lady who tended more towards one night stands. You may not attract as many men as you did when you were drinking, but I think you will find that you will attract a much better class of men now that you are sober. You just need to adjust your approach.
Oh. And you say you have happy teenagers? Sobriety must agree with you. Teenagers these days are rarely happy it seems.
If your question is should you pick up the bottle again, the answer seems pretty clear. No. You shouldn't.
And you don't mention any of the bad stuff that happened as a result of your "abusive" drinking. Think back. If your life as a drinker was so great, I doubt that you would have made the effort to quit for as long as you have.
I get that sobriety requires adjustment. Major adjustment. And, without alcohol to mask my feelings, I find myself having to face up to the sadness and loneliness that I sometimes feel. I can't just drown those emotions in alcohol anymore. But even faced with that sadness and loneliness, my life is better now that I am sober. It isn't perfect. But it is better.
And if you are concerned about being attractive to men, FWIW you sound like a much better "catch" as a sober vegetarian than you did as a heavier, drunken lady who tended more towards one night stands. You may not attract as many men as you did when you were drinking, but I think you will find that you will attract a much better class of men now that you are sober. You just need to adjust your approach.
Oh. And you say you have happy teenagers? Sobriety must agree with you. Teenagers these days are rarely happy it seems.
If your question is should you pick up the bottle again, the answer seems pretty clear. No. You shouldn't.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 770
Is there a meet.up in your area? I've joined many vegetarian groups so I hang out with people who do not think someone who doesnt drink or use animal products is "boring". It's easy to feel like an outsider but for me, picking up a drink never really made me fit in. It's about being honest with my peers. A lot of people really respect the fact that I don't drink. They think it's cool that I don't harm my body anymore. If they dont respect it I don't spend a lot of time with them. That may sound harsh but honestly I just find it boring to watch others drink, I have better ways to fill my time.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Meet this gal - sounds like she turned her life around. Maybe she needs to get outside herself some and help others..............Bet she has a lot to offer 
old Mia......
Hi,
I have been sober since 77 days. I am 42 yrs old with two teenage children. Well I really don't know if I should use the word sober for myself. My father was an alcoholic, my cousin was an alcoholic. They both died because of alcohol. I was married to an alcoholic person for 16 years. My drinking level started to increase every year since 2004. My two best friends were heavy drinkers (not alcoholic). I remember days when we drank 22 hours non stop. The next day I would be sick to death while they would go on drinking. This was the situation for me all the time. Drink and be sick the other day. Miss work. And I started to be very aggressive. Making telephone calls. Using language which I don't use normally. Every day when I was getting sober I was swearing I would drink in moderate amount. Which as u guess was never able to. I always did the same. This summer I started having brownouts. (not remembering what I did the night before unless someone provided me some clues-a little softer than a blackout). This started to scare me to death. This January 1st I stopped drinking. I also started using medication for some other reason which also helps to cut the need to drink. Now my question is this: During last 10 years I was a social drinker who didn't drink at home alone or who didnt have any withdrawal symptoms at all. But, I was abusing alcohol. Should I have consider my self an alcoholic? (Whatever I was, I am so happy to quit drinking. I look much younger, feel healthier, feel respect, my kids are very happy…. - the list would go on and on and on…)
End
We all go through funks - you've got some time stacked, don't give it!
Have you ever considered meetings?? You'd fit right in
old Mia......
Hi,
I have been sober since 77 days. I am 42 yrs old with two teenage children. Well I really don't know if I should use the word sober for myself. My father was an alcoholic, my cousin was an alcoholic. They both died because of alcohol. I was married to an alcoholic person for 16 years. My drinking level started to increase every year since 2004. My two best friends were heavy drinkers (not alcoholic). I remember days when we drank 22 hours non stop. The next day I would be sick to death while they would go on drinking. This was the situation for me all the time. Drink and be sick the other day. Miss work. And I started to be very aggressive. Making telephone calls. Using language which I don't use normally. Every day when I was getting sober I was swearing I would drink in moderate amount. Which as u guess was never able to. I always did the same. This summer I started having brownouts. (not remembering what I did the night before unless someone provided me some clues-a little softer than a blackout). This started to scare me to death. This January 1st I stopped drinking. I also started using medication for some other reason which also helps to cut the need to drink. Now my question is this: During last 10 years I was a social drinker who didn't drink at home alone or who didnt have any withdrawal symptoms at all. But, I was abusing alcohol. Should I have consider my self an alcoholic? (Whatever I was, I am so happy to quit drinking. I look much younger, feel healthier, feel respect, my kids are very happy…. - the list would go on and on and on…)
End
We all go through funks - you've got some time stacked, don't give it!
Have you ever considered meetings?? You'd fit right in
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Congrats on 17 months!!
Well it sounds like a serious case of growing up. don't feel like one night stands? Dang, you might be a grown up. Decide to change your diet to reflect your beliefs or health choices? Dang, you might be a grownup. Feeling out of sorts trying to live life as a sober person you used to live it as a drunk one? Of course it's tough. Because YOU have changed. For the better!
Perhaps you can ask yourself this... Do I want to go back to the same person I used to be? (Presumably there was something you didn't like before, because you quit) or... Do I want to see where this grownup thing takes me?
I'm the same age as you, Mia. I've been growing up too, that's why I'm getting a giggle out of it. But in all seriousness, the process was very uncomfortable but I'm sooooo much happier now.
I had to have faith that if I stayed sober and embraced this growing up thing, I would come out better on the other side.
I'm married now, to someone I almost broke up with when I first got sober. We both had some growing up to do. And it's been tough but beautiful. It's now the deepest most meaningful relationship I have. I've paid off almost all my bills. I'm much better at my job. I'm struggling with a sugar habit, so got more work to do. I'm honest with myself and everyone else. All the time now. It's kind of freaky but it works. People are kinder to me, life is kinder to me.
I love my "boring" life. You can too.
Well it sounds like a serious case of growing up.
don't feel like one night stands? Dang, you might be a grown up. Decide to change your diet to reflect your beliefs or health choices? Dang, you might be a grownup. Feeling out of sorts trying to live life as a sober person you used to live it as a drunk one? Of course it's tough. Because YOU have changed. For the better! Perhaps you can ask yourself this... Do I want to go back to the same person I used to be? (Presumably there was something you didn't like before, because you quit) or... Do I want to see where this grownup thing takes me?
I'm the same age as you, Mia. I've been growing up too, that's why I'm getting a giggle out of it. But in all seriousness, the process was very uncomfortable but I'm sooooo much happier now.
I had to have faith that if I stayed sober and embraced this growing up thing, I would come out better on the other side.
I'm married now, to someone I almost broke up with when I first got sober. We both had some growing up to do. And it's been tough but beautiful. It's now the deepest most meaningful relationship I have. I've paid off almost all my bills. I'm much better at my job. I'm struggling with a sugar habit, so got more work to do.
I'm honest with myself and everyone else. All the time now. It's kind of freaky but it works. People are kinder to me, life is kinder to me.I love my "boring" life. You can too.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi Mia
I found that stopping drinking didn't magically give me the life I wanted like I thought it would.
Turns out I had to build that life myself
If you're missing something, I doubt you'll find it in drunken parties and one night stands. All that seems dreadfully hollow and not at all satisfying to me now.
Ask yourself - what are you really looking for?
I found that stopping drinking didn't magically give me the life I wanted like I thought it would.
Turns out I had to build that life myself
If you're missing something, I doubt you'll find it in drunken parties and one night stands. All that seems dreadfully hollow and not at all satisfying to me now.
Ask yourself - what are you really looking for?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
The thing that caught my attention in your post is
"preferred loneliness I call that."
Seems that's saying your choosing loneliness. If I went out with poeple still drinking to wet places...Welp, I think I'd be pretty glum. But I don't do that. When I do go out it is with poeple that either don't drink or drink responsibly.
" I used to have one night stands where I had fun and enjoyed myself and found my self attractive and irresistible. Before I used to seduce every man I wanted..."
Reminds me of me at one time. Thought I was quite something! Thought I was pretty good at getting women in the sack for a night. Then I got sober. Realized I was only doing it to women as sick or sicker than me. Did it because of low self esteem. Made me feel temporarily good when I did it. Something else I realized after I got sober( I was takin a good hard look at myself to find it what makes me tick): I was cut down more than once and by women mentally and emotionally healthy. Wasn't quite all I thought I was.
My life, the fun I have, the poeple I hang around, how I'm feeling about me and life...it's all in my choices today. I can choose actions that will enable me to feel good abut myself over the long term or choose actions that will be a temporary fix. I can choose to be around people that will rub off on me in a negative way or poeple that will rub off on me in a positive way.
It took work to get to where I am today.
. What I do for fun others would think is boring, but I don't care. I enjoy it. takin my dog for a walk in the woods here soon and it will be fun and relaxing.
"preferred loneliness I call that."
Seems that's saying your choosing loneliness. If I went out with poeple still drinking to wet places...Welp, I think I'd be pretty glum. But I don't do that. When I do go out it is with poeple that either don't drink or drink responsibly.
" I used to have one night stands where I had fun and enjoyed myself and found my self attractive and irresistible. Before I used to seduce every man I wanted..."
Reminds me of me at one time. Thought I was quite something! Thought I was pretty good at getting women in the sack for a night. Then I got sober. Realized I was only doing it to women as sick or sicker than me. Did it because of low self esteem. Made me feel temporarily good when I did it. Something else I realized after I got sober( I was takin a good hard look at myself to find it what makes me tick): I was cut down more than once and by women mentally and emotionally healthy. Wasn't quite all I thought I was.
My life, the fun I have, the poeple I hang around, how I'm feeling about me and life...it's all in my choices today. I can choose actions that will enable me to feel good abut myself over the long term or choose actions that will be a temporary fix. I can choose to be around people that will rub off on me in a negative way or poeple that will rub off on me in a positive way.
It took work to get to where I am today.
. What I do for fun others would think is boring, but I don't care. I enjoy it. takin my dog for a walk in the woods here soon and it will be fun and relaxing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I had to admit to myself that I was an alcoholic,
someone who has an addiction to a poisonous,
controlled substance, who had to get into recovery,
to be taught about my addiction, its affects on
my mind, body and soul, then, to accept that
without any doubt, any lingering notion that
I could ever drink successfully in my life for
as long as I am alive.
Admit I am an alcoholic, Accept that I
am Powerless over alcohol and Believe
that I can remain sober one day at a time
incorporating a program of recovery
into my daily affairs and life.
All that I did during my drinking career
was not healthy, was dishonest and
manipulating. I was not true to myself
or anyone I came in contact with.
How deceiving I was to myself and others.
I was sick. I was ill. I had an addiction to
a controlled substance that controlled
every ounce of my being. My mind, body
and soul.
Living a life of recovery that I learned and
was taught to with willingness, openmindedness
and honesty, then and only then was I able
to begin to be healthy, happy, free, in all
areas of my life.
Freedom from the hold, freedom from
bondage, freedom from selfishness,
freedom from self loathing, selfseeking,
low self esteem, selfworth......
When I realized that I had and still have
a purpose in life, then my whole out look
on myself and life changed. I am, like many
who have admitted, accepted their addiction,
moved forward to being healthy, happy in
all areas of their lives.
You can too.
someone who has an addiction to a poisonous,
controlled substance, who had to get into recovery,
to be taught about my addiction, its affects on
my mind, body and soul, then, to accept that
without any doubt, any lingering notion that
I could ever drink successfully in my life for
as long as I am alive.
Admit I am an alcoholic, Accept that I
am Powerless over alcohol and Believe
that I can remain sober one day at a time
incorporating a program of recovery
into my daily affairs and life.
All that I did during my drinking career
was not healthy, was dishonest and
manipulating. I was not true to myself
or anyone I came in contact with.
How deceiving I was to myself and others.
I was sick. I was ill. I had an addiction to
a controlled substance that controlled
every ounce of my being. My mind, body
and soul.
Living a life of recovery that I learned and
was taught to with willingness, openmindedness
and honesty, then and only then was I able
to begin to be healthy, happy, free, in all
areas of my life.
Freedom from the hold, freedom from
bondage, freedom from selfishness,
freedom from self loathing, selfseeking,
low self esteem, selfworth......
When I realized that I had and still have
a purpose in life, then my whole out look
on myself and life changed. I am, like many
who have admitted, accepted their addiction,
moved forward to being healthy, happy in
all areas of their lives.
You can too.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Mia, I used to be one hot little woman when I drank. Slept with a bunch of people. It never made me feel good about myself. I only felt emptier and emptier and poured more booze on top of it to fill the hole which got ever deeper. It wasn't the alcohol which led to the "fun", it was massive self esteem issues.
You're only 43 the 50 year old tells you. I'd say you quit drinking for great reasons and got yourself together on the drinking part. I wouldn't pick it up. Do you want to be that older woman draped all over the bar and her drink, lipstick and mascara smearing over her face, winking at the guys who are too young and are laughing at her desperate and pathetic attempts at seduction? That's the image I keep in my head when I think that lifestyle is one I want to return to.
You sound like a marvelous woman. Embrace who you are today. Love yourself sober. Find different groups to hang out with. Different events. Different writing groups. For the new and improved you. Please don't drink.
You're only 43 the 50 year old tells you. I'd say you quit drinking for great reasons and got yourself together on the drinking part. I wouldn't pick it up. Do you want to be that older woman draped all over the bar and her drink, lipstick and mascara smearing over her face, winking at the guys who are too young and are laughing at her desperate and pathetic attempts at seduction? That's the image I keep in my head when I think that lifestyle is one I want to return to.
You sound like a marvelous woman. Embrace who you are today. Love yourself sober. Find different groups to hang out with. Different events. Different writing groups. For the new and improved you. Please don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Can you imagine all of us HOT mamas
getting together for a night out????
Drunk or Sober?
Drunk waking up with who knows who,
in a place we don't know where, doing no
telling what.
Those seductive voices calling us, tempting
us, showing no mercy, only regrets and remorse.
When I hear this song....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3EmA-eJPxs
I have to remember that even I don't need
to leave the red light on either. Not that I
ever did. lol
Sober Mama's ....sounds healthier. Right???
getting together for a night out????
Drunk or Sober?
Drunk waking up with who knows who,
in a place we don't know where, doing no
telling what.
Those seductive voices calling us, tempting
us, showing no mercy, only regrets and remorse.
When I hear this song....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3EmA-eJPxs
I have to remember that even I don't need
to leave the red light on either. Not that I
ever did. lol
Sober Mama's ....sounds healthier. Right???
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Mia, congratulations on your recovery.
I think you are learning that change is a big part of recovery. I had to carve out a sober life for myself when I stopped drinking. I was lucky enough to get involved in a volunteer situation which did wonders for my self-esteem, and alcohol was never involved. Are you interested in getting involved in a long-term healthy relationship?
I think you are learning that change is a big part of recovery. I had to carve out a sober life for myself when I stopped drinking. I was lucky enough to get involved in a volunteer situation which did wonders for my self-esteem, and alcohol was never involved. Are you interested in getting involved in a long-term healthy relationship?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Mia, have you talked with your doc about your feelings? A lack of pleasure in our lives can potentially indicate depression - and not necessarily the kind we can easily pull ourselves out of.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Your last few posts have echoed the same sentiments as this one, as you wonder if being sober is worth it.
Sorry you feel this way. Not sure what you are doing for your recovery, if anything. But for me to stay sober for almost five years, I had to change more than just the drinking part.
Sorry you feel this way. Not sure what you are doing for your recovery, if anything. But for me to stay sober for almost five years, I had to change more than just the drinking part.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'm adding to what I wrote. Hang in there. You've got slightly less time than I do sober and I've been struggling more lately than in a long while. I think it's growing pains and seasonal changes for me. I'm forgetting just how awful it truly was and why I quit.
When I did all of my drunken escapades, most of them, I was fresh out of a marriage and I was trying to prove myself attractive. It didn't help. I had to find it inside.
At 43 you are still quite young. I had my daughter at 43. There's a whole lot of living left.
When I did all of my drunken escapades, most of them, I was fresh out of a marriage and I was trying to prove myself attractive. It didn't help. I had to find it inside.
At 43 you are still quite young. I had my daughter at 43. There's a whole lot of living left.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 106
Hi Mia! Stop being so hard on yourself and looking for the negatives. For me that's my alcoholic voice. The one that keeps trying to get me to go back to the old ways of escaping life. Dee's right, giving up alcohol does not, by itself, make LIFE better. I, too, had to change my thinking and get involved in healthier things. If you can get to an AA or support group meeting it might help.
Sara
Sara
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
With todays society, more sophisticated,
drugs and alcoholic available, more so than
what was way back in the day, going out
amongst people in clubs and bars, I would
be so scared.
Maybe because I watch these crime stories
on tv, where I hear about a cool and smooth
good looking guy, who presents himself as
caring, or understanding to our lonely selfseeking
needs, slips a date rape drug in our drink
and takes avantage of us and we are left
not remembering what actually happened.
Or we end up leaving with a physcopath,
murderer, violent person......
After I entered recovery back in 1990
and began to face all the wreckage I had
done in my past, the people I slepted with,
the lies, being careful to protect myself
from contracting diseases....Well.....
I became so paranoid thinking I contracted
aids that I emmediately went in to have my
blood tested.
Everything turned out fine and I was
healthy, thank God. However, it made
me think about how I put myself, my
healthy, my family, life in jeopardy with
all my sick behavior.
Today, I am armed with lots of knowledge
Ive learned over the yrs in recovery to
absolutely take my self, my life, my healthy
etc. seriously,because I only have this one
body, one mind, one soul to cherish, respect,
appreciated as a God Given Gift to myself.
No one else will care about me and my
mind, body and soul other than me, myself
and I in recovery and life.
drugs and alcoholic available, more so than
what was way back in the day, going out
amongst people in clubs and bars, I would
be so scared.
Maybe because I watch these crime stories
on tv, where I hear about a cool and smooth
good looking guy, who presents himself as
caring, or understanding to our lonely selfseeking
needs, slips a date rape drug in our drink
and takes avantage of us and we are left
not remembering what actually happened.
Or we end up leaving with a physcopath,
murderer, violent person......
After I entered recovery back in 1990
and began to face all the wreckage I had
done in my past, the people I slepted with,
the lies, being careful to protect myself
from contracting diseases....Well.....
I became so paranoid thinking I contracted
aids that I emmediately went in to have my
blood tested.
Everything turned out fine and I was
healthy, thank God. However, it made
me think about how I put myself, my
healthy, my family, life in jeopardy with
all my sick behavior.
Today, I am armed with lots of knowledge
Ive learned over the yrs in recovery to
absolutely take my self, my life, my healthy
etc. seriously,because I only have this one
body, one mind, one soul to cherish, respect,
appreciated as a God Given Gift to myself.
No one else will care about me and my
mind, body and soul other than me, myself
and I in recovery and life.
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