I have been reading and posting on SR since January 2015, but I rarely start my own thread. Perhaps I am sleep deprived now, but I feel like starting one now.
Today I have exceeded 170 days without an alcoholic drink. Never, at any point in my adult life, did I imagine that it was possible to go this long without consuming some form of mind altering substance.
As I look back, I realise I have spent most of my adult life engaging in a process of self medication. It started with heavy cannabis use, which became daily, which became first thing in the morning until last thing at night. I can't believe I completed my degree, as I was essentially intoxicated throughout. I then progressed to alcohol and other drugs, then mostly alcohol, with some brief periods of reprieve.
I used substances to medicate and tranquillise anxiety, depression, fear, and sadness. I also drank when I was happy. I connected substances to work, study and leisure activities. Alcohol became inextricable with family, friendships, relationships, even children. I self medicated as I made my journey through social space-time, tranquillising the moment-to-moment units of raw experience. This process of medication transformed my experience to madness, as I damaged others around me and damaged myself.
Although at 170 days and with a questionable expectation that everything should be normal by now, this is still early days. I am trying to learn to deal with reality, other people, and myself, as my sober self. Sometimes anxious, sometimes depressed, sometimes happy, sometimes connected to others.
Dog Days are Over is a song by Florence and the Machine, which has been playing in my mind all day. I encourage you to listen to it and it's wonderful lyrics.
My best wishes to you all,
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage
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yep, I agree with weasel...
congrats on 170 days and counting, glad you are with us.
FATM opened for U2 in Lansing at spartan stadium a few years ago. They finished with dog days are over... U2 was pretty good 2. Coolest visual setup ever this 360 deg monstrosity video display - awesome...
__________________ Brain I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.
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This long term sobriety stuff is hard. We built our whole world's around self medication and one day the medication was gone.
If I'm not the person I was, who the heck am i? For me I take it a day at a time. Each challenge is a learning experience and I do the best I can. One thing that has helped a lot is AA. I see how other people deal with life and it gives me a road map of how I should deal with things.
Each day I get just a little bit better and for me that is as good as it gets
__________________ I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
Came back to life 7.24.2009
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