Wholesome

I'm just coming from the beach with my dog and I was thinking about this time when I went up to a cottage with a bunch of friends..... we all decided to go cliff jumping.... so we all pile into the boat and head off to this huge cliff. It was really big. We jump out of the boat and swim to the bottom of the cliff and scale it to the top and one by one everyone jumps off. All except for me. I couldn't do it. I was petrified with fear. Every fiber of my being was telling me not to jump. I'm looking down the cliff and considering climbing back down it. But that way was way too dangerous. Plus I was wearing this little white bikini (it's back before I had two babies and about a gazillion beers) and I was sure that I going to cut myself all up on the rocks. Lots of time goes by. My friends are all back in the boat yelling at me to just jump! They are getting slightly annoyed with me for being such a chicken.... enough already they want to move on with the rest of their day. Now I am nearly in tears because I'm so scared but finally I just did it! I jumped! And it was fine. There was a moment of free fall and a big splash!

What has happened here in the last few days reminds me that day when I was standing on the top of that cliff too scared to jump and it was too dangerous to go back the way I came. You guys are my friends in the boat telling me to just go for it! I will like it. Everything will be fine.

Freshstart you're the guy standing behind me on that cliff that gave me a little push off the edge lol

I just want to say thank you to all of you.

Wholesome

I just woke up from the most intense dream that I was drinking. I'm even fighting with my AV in my sleep. In my dream I thought Oh Nooooooo!!! Why am I drinking? I just quit! It was awful, so vivid. I even feel kinda hung over. Thank God it was only a dream.

zjw

lol been there done that a bunch of times. its funny when i dreama bout drinking i'm like oh god no and im always full of disappointment and regret so sad that i broke my sober streak full of guilt and yeah i'll even wake up feeling almost like i'm slightly hung over.

But when i dream about smoking cigarettes i'm always enjoying every puff then I wake up nice and happy that it was only a dream and i still got to enjoy a cigarette!

its strange I'd think i'd enjoy those drinking dreams but i never do!

zjw

quiting wasnt much like jumping per say for me. But it was full of blind faith. Blind faith to quit move forward with the blinders on for a while (blinders where like training wheels) blind faith that things would be ok and that life would work out just fine without booze (unimaginable i thought). I could not even imagine a life without booze in it.

if you had a mountain and on one side you had a drunken hell and on the other side you had the promised land and the only way to get to the other side was through a dark scary tunnel with no way to see etc.. thats sorta how my sobering up time was. I 'd say the first 6-8 months I was in that stinking tunnel. What i didnt see couldnt hurt me I just blindly went forward assuming there would be something worthwhile on the other side.

Wholesome

Yes the disappointment in myself was the worst part! I haven't had a smoking dream in years but I had a similar reaction to them too. Like what am I doing? Ahhhhh!