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I can quit anytime I want to!

Old 06-25-2015, 01:01 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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booooiiiyyyah, AWESOME
You Can Do This !!
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Old 06-25-2015, 01:40 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by zenchaser View Post
Yes. It is the right decision. Alcohol has been my ruler for too long and it has damaged my mind and my life for long enough. I want the freedom that so many of you have and I deserve it. Even if it's hard at first I know I can handle it and I have all you lovely people on here to lean on if it gets to be too much.

I'm so full of anxiety right now and I fell like crying but here goes!

I will never drink again and I will never change my mind. No Matter What. Doesn't matter how I feel or what happens or what the circumstances I will never pour that poison down my throat ever again. No matter what lengths I have to go to to keep this vow I will do them.

Just saying it fills me with hope. My mind just flashed with the things that will never happen to me again. Like my beautiful kids ever seeing me drunk again. Or never waking up with that horrible taste in my mouth trying to piece together what I'd been up to. Or feeling that sinking feeling when I realize that I'm going to do it again against my better judgement.

I don't know how my life go from here but I won't be drunk for it.
This is great. It sound's like a firm commitment and something you have given much thought to. Why not set yourself a goal? 30 days seems to be a good initial milestone I gleaned from reading here at the start. Then you can feel pretty good about that much, and so on. Most of all though don't forget- "You Can Do It"
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Old 06-25-2015, 01:49 PM
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You know why Strat? Because I've done tons of 30 day detoxes and I after the 30 days were up I was drinking to make up for lost time.

I have been abusing alcohol for so long that I have lost my off switch. It would only be a matter of time before I was back to regular alcohol abuse. I have proved it to myself over and over again.

zjw is right when he says that alcohol is at the heart of the matter and it is the gateway to all the other bad behaviours.

My plan has to be iron clad.
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Old 06-25-2015, 01:56 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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I agree that 30 days isn't a long time in any case. How about the 90? I think that's when people start to notice some slight but healthy changes in the psyche. I know I did. They were slight, but I did notice them. And part of me was beginning to already feel given this had been a conscious effort on my part, that there was no turning back then.

Sure I spent over 2 months in detox, rehab and inpatient before. I put on 4 stone (I was badly underweight going in. Drink and drugs all the way, I didn't care so much for food then). While I didn't go straight back to the drinking afterwards, eventually with the first few signs of stress I did. It's all about the commitment you make to yourself?

Edit: Or even just as freshstart said, give up for now and for good. Thats even better. The milestones are a nice reminder of being on the right path though too.
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Old 06-25-2015, 02:06 PM
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There is absolutely every reason to believe that once you make your mind up, it is made up for good, Zenchaser. I was in a bad romantic relationship a long time ago, and I broke that off for good, not for a month or three. I was DONE. There was nothing left there for me anymore.

If alcohol is like that for you, you can do it for now, for next month, for good. You can make a forever decision about this. I liked the idea of doing it for the present moment - I will never now drink - because it is only in the present moment when we can act, when we have power, when we have control over our actions.

You most certainly can succeed, and I think you will. I believe in you, Zenchaser. Onward!
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Old 06-25-2015, 02:11 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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I agree that it can be a commitment in yourself to never do it again. That's how I quit smoking weed and cocaine and tobacco. I didn't go to meetings or have any support. I was properly hooked on all three. With cocaine to the point that my ex and I weren't paying out bills and getting high instead..... it went on for years!

I used AVRT with all three I just didn't know it. Anytime I thought about doing it I told myself NO..... You don't do that anymore. Today I never even think about doing a line of coke or smoking a joint. Never.

I can do it again with alcohol.
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Old 06-25-2015, 02:28 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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You certainly Can, I know you can , no matter what.
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Old 06-25-2015, 06:41 PM
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Originally Posted by zenchaser View Post
There is another part of what Nonsensical said that I've been thinking about, that he quit many times but only started sober living once. That's been rolling around in my head. I think if I got busy filling up that time building a sober life it would help get rid of the default that I have to drink. The thing is is that's the part that kinda scares me! Who will I be? Who will I hang out with? What will I be able to use as a scapegoat if I don't live up to my own expectations with my old friend and enemy alcohol? How will I have fun again? How will I fill up all that extra time? And what about all those feelings?!?!

I have a lot of fear.... whether it's rational or not.
Its clear you have thought this through, that's part of the fun. You never know what awaits you, most on this site will tell you what awaits you is awesome. If you relapse and enter drunkenland again, you know darn well what awaits you. And I'm pretty sure you don't like that correct?
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Old 06-26-2015, 05:13 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Yeah thomas I hate it and love it at the same time. The worst part is my constant struggle to try to control it despite more than a decade of evidence that I can't.

So yeah quitting forever is the way to go. Just let it go and move on.

I'm still scared but I'm trying not to future trip and I think that's important, it's best to just stay in the moment. Like freshstart said, I never drink NOW. My commitment is forever but forever is always in each moment. It's the ultimate head game. lol

I felt anxious and sad last night.... I had a little cry but I feel better today. Lighter. I can do this.
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Old 06-26-2015, 05:24 AM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Zen - what are you scared of? Drinking or not drinking?

I am trying to quit too... when I joined this site last Aug I was a hot mess. Now I am a luke warm mess I have relapsed several times since I said I was gonna quit, but, overall, I have way more sober days than not now. I am not perfect... but it is a process (for me at least). And when I do relapse, it is for a day...not days. So maybe for you, you can just look at this as a work-in-progress like I do. The ultimate goal for me is sobriety and I am working towards that. It doesn't feel so daunting to view it this way for me. I understand that not everyone can do it this way. It is just another path of many to the final goal of sobriety.
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Old 06-26-2015, 05:33 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Art I've been doing that for the last 4 months. Only drinking on the weekends (a few weekdays too cuz I can't actually control it). But there is no moderation involved at all.... I'm not even pretending to moderate.

I'm afraid of letting go of my crutch. Of being bare of it. Of what my new life will look like. Of being my authentic self. Of all those situations I will find myself in. The list goes on and on.

But I'm also scared of continuing down the path I'm on..... it's the wrong path for me. I'm damaging myself and my family and I'm not being true to myself.

I'm afraid of failing too. Big time.

But fear won't kill me. Drinking might..... or at least bring me an early death.
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Old 06-26-2015, 05:45 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Seems like fear is causing you to drink. So, by extension fear is killing you. I recently watched a documentary about singer Nina Simone (jazz great) and someone asked her what freedom was. She said " freedom is not being in fear". Powerful. I wonder how you can address your fears Zen. They tend to take on a a life of their own if they are not examined. I think of my fears as ugly little critters that live in the basement of my mind. In the dark they fester. If you can bring them into the light of day...face them... they dissipate.
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Old 06-26-2015, 05:52 AM
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Well I think any big changes in life bring an element of fear with them.

When I left my husband I was scared.... I was going to be a single mom with a 3 and 5 year old. I did it anyway because it was the right decision. I got through it.

When I left my secure but crappy job I was scared.... I didn't know if it was going to work out. It was the right decision and I got though it.

I think it's natural to fear big changes, sometimes fear can be the catalyst that motivates change.

I'm addressing my fears by talking about them right now.
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Old 06-26-2015, 05:54 AM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
Seems like fear is causing you to drink.

I drink because I like to get drunk. I have a million and one reasons to drink!!! Hahaha! I exist therefore I drink!
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Old 06-26-2015, 06:12 AM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by freshstart57 View Post
There is absolutely every reason to believe that once you make your mind up, it is made up for good, Zenchaser. I was in a bad romantic relationship a long time ago, and I broke that off for good, not for a month or three. I was DONE. There was nothing left there for me anymore.

If alcohol is like that for you, you can do it for now, for next month, for good. You can make a forever decision about this. I liked the idea of doing it for the present moment - I will never now drink - because it is only in the present moment when we can act, when we have power, when we have control over our actions.

You most certainly can succeed, and I think you will. I believe in you, Zenchaser. Onward!
I like this story about the present moment. I read it from Mooji but I think he learned it elsewhere anyhow here goes.

A young women is walking through the forest of existence on the eve of her wedding day. Her heart is full of joy and anticipation as she plans the final arrangements. Just a few hours to go before she is in the arms of her beloved. She is ablaze with dreams of love, future, and prosperity. Suddenly a hungry lion steps out onto the forest road, and they are face-to-face. They are so close she can feel his rumbling breath. He is salvitating, dripping. She is standing on the razor-edge of existence. Instantly, all her dreams, hopes and aspirations vanish. Even her beloved, the light of her heart, disappears. There is neither future nor past nor self here.

Welcome the lion on your path.
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Old 06-26-2015, 06:15 AM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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Lol Zen, you remind me of myself in ways "I drink therefore I am" etc, tsk tsk tsk.
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Old 06-26-2015, 06:18 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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I've met that lion many times - just stand still and breathe now.
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Old 06-26-2015, 07:08 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Elizabeth333 View Post
I've met that lion many times - just stand still and breathe now.
yeah be happy it brings you right back to the present moment.
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Old 06-26-2015, 07:15 AM
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Welcome to the forums Elizabeth
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Old 06-26-2015, 07:38 AM
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Zenchaser, when I made my plan, my commitment, my vow, to quit drinking, I never considered the possibility of drinking again. There was going to never be a slip, a relapse, a plan B. I was all in. I was given a chance to quit drinking, and I treated this chance like the last chance. Quitting alcohol for good was an event, not a process for me.

When you do this, you will have reached the top of that mountain, with a vista that shows you where you have been, and the complete range of possibilities open to you. You have made it to the top, you have quit. Now you know you have no limits, that you can conquer this fear and make simply massive changes. You can move forward in any direction you choose and never ever look back.

You have done it before as you say. You are awesome, Zenchaser. A true badass. You got this.

Onward!
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