What is the alcoholic mind like?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
What is the alcoholic mind like?
Okay so I've read "The doctors opinion" in the big book of alvoholics anonymous and Dr. Silkworth talks about the body of the alcoholic being just as abnormal than his mind. So what is an alcoholics thinking like? What are characteristics of alcoholic thinking? I am asking this question because I just want to know more about the depth of my thinking problem.
I know that when I was drinking alcohol was the most important thing in my life. I'd drink all day...pass out...wake up and drink...go to sleep and first thing in the morning start drinking. I relate with the "restless, irritable, and discontent" until I could again take that first drink...then the phenomenon of craving would happen and I would only stop if i passed out or I was all out of booze.
So can you all describe your alcoholic mind? How does your alcoholic mind affect you sober?
P.S. one more thing I will do things in excess. I have a problem moderating things. Must be my alcohol mind.
I know that when I was drinking alcohol was the most important thing in my life. I'd drink all day...pass out...wake up and drink...go to sleep and first thing in the morning start drinking. I relate with the "restless, irritable, and discontent" until I could again take that first drink...then the phenomenon of craving would happen and I would only stop if i passed out or I was all out of booze.
So can you all describe your alcoholic mind? How does your alcoholic mind affect you sober?
P.S. one more thing I will do things in excess. I have a problem moderating things. Must be my alcohol mind.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
At the height of my alcoholism, I was a heavy daily drinker for about two years. My personality changed greatly and I had a very distorted view of myself. I thought the alcohol made me a better person. I really thought I was smarter, funnier, and just a great guy to be around. My perception of myself was so ridiculously distorted.
Looking back, my brain really had suffered some damage. If I was drinking, I would look in the mirror and see the same old handsome fella I was in college, yet I was 50lbs overweight, bloated, and just looking awful. I didn't see it.
I look back at pictures from that period and I just can't believe I let myself get like that. I just didn't see it.
As long as I was pickled in vodka, life was great. Why ruin a good thing, just stay drunk. Utter madness.
Looking back, my brain really had suffered some damage. If I was drinking, I would look in the mirror and see the same old handsome fella I was in college, yet I was 50lbs overweight, bloated, and just looking awful. I didn't see it.
I look back at pictures from that period and I just can't believe I let myself get like that. I just didn't see it.
As long as I was pickled in vodka, life was great. Why ruin a good thing, just stay drunk. Utter madness.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Read more of th big book for a fuller picture. Around page 100 it talks about being able to handle social situations where alcohol is served. It gives some useful insights to the alcoholic mind.
One point it makes is that the alcoholic mind stems from a problem with my spiritual connection, i.e, the power that brings harmony to my life is blocked for some reason. There is something wrong with my spiritual status, which leads in time to alcohol (and self) returning to centre stage, either using or fear of, cant be around etc.
If I continue to work with others, try to practice the principles I learned through wokrking the steps on a daily basis, self centredeness and the alcoholic mind dont seem to be a problem. I seem to fit well in the world, though tragedy has struck on more than one occasion, the thought of drinking has never occured. To pinch one of Boleo's phrases, and adapt it a bit,
Alcoholic mind = thinking about not drinking
Recovered mind = not thinking about drinking
One point it makes is that the alcoholic mind stems from a problem with my spiritual connection, i.e, the power that brings harmony to my life is blocked for some reason. There is something wrong with my spiritual status, which leads in time to alcohol (and self) returning to centre stage, either using or fear of, cant be around etc.
If I continue to work with others, try to practice the principles I learned through wokrking the steps on a daily basis, self centredeness and the alcoholic mind dont seem to be a problem. I seem to fit well in the world, though tragedy has struck on more than one occasion, the thought of drinking has never occured. To pinch one of Boleo's phrases, and adapt it a bit,
Alcoholic mind = thinking about not drinking
Recovered mind = not thinking about drinking
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I can relate so much to these replies.
My alcoholic mind led me to be a person I am not, do things against my values, behave in ways I was ashamed of.
My sober mind leads me to be a person I can love, do things that are valuable, spread love in the world and do things that I can feel good about.
My alcoholic mind led me to be a person I am not, do things against my values, behave in ways I was ashamed of.
My sober mind leads me to be a person I can love, do things that are valuable, spread love in the world and do things that I can feel good about.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
More, more and more. I always wanted more. When I tried to stop, all I thought about was drinking. When I drove the 2 hours to my moms, all I thought about was getting there so I could have a drink. I didn't want to see my mom as much as I wanted to drink her wine. If I did something fun, I had to get drunk first. Then it was get through the trip so I could get home and get drunk. Then it became let's get drunk and talk about taking a trip, but never do it. Then let's get so drunk, I would sob over past trips where I had so much fun. Then I would sob over past relationships, past childhood memories. I sat in the basement, drunk and crying over stuff I can't get back or moments that will never happen again.
Present. Sober almost 9 months. I no longer dwell on the past. I live in the present. When I catch myself slipping into the old thinking I get to a meeting or call my sponsor. I can go to amazing places and freely enjoy the moments without the anxiety of wanting to go home and get drunk. I no longer make up issues in my head that don't exist. I'm living life without too much worry, and enjoying the moment.
Jennifer
Present. Sober almost 9 months. I no longer dwell on the past. I live in the present. When I catch myself slipping into the old thinking I get to a meeting or call my sponsor. I can go to amazing places and freely enjoy the moments without the anxiety of wanting to go home and get drunk. I no longer make up issues in my head that don't exist. I'm living life without too much worry, and enjoying the moment.
Jennifer
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,231
My alcoholic thinking had to be perfect,
rigid, don't let anyone see me disheveled,
emotionally hurting, angry, resentful, etc.
I had to be in control most of all the time
because if not, folks would see me as a
failure. And I refused to let them see me
that way. I had to be tough, strong. Muscle
strong, physically strong.
So much BS going on with me. I could
pull the wool over your eyes and you'd
never know it. I was so fullabull that I
convinced folks I was good, fine, nothing
going on here.
Manipulation.
It was how I made myself become after
I walked out the door of my childhood
verbal, physical, emotional abuse at the
hands of a sick mom. After yrs of her TELLING
me what to do that I had had enough and
HOW DARE ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT
TO DO AGAIN.
Growing up in a dysfunctional inviroment
made me into the person I thought I had to
be and with the fuel of poison running thru
my blood stream to my mind, body and soul,
that I fooled everyone.
When I could no longer control myself,
life and poison beat me down, family eventually
got me help to find out why a good mother
and wife would want to throw her life away
just like that.
No one ever knew that alcohol had consumed
every ounce of my being, my thoughts, actions,
everything.
I was tested for my mental state and passed
their test. However I was told I had a drinking
problem. An addiction to alcohol. Then I entered
recovery being taught about my addiction
and giving a program of recovery consisting
of steps and principle to incorporate in all
areas of my life to help me strip away the
mask I wore for so long to fool everyone.
My mask I wore each day even in rehab
was makeup. I learned from my sick mom
who was a cosmetician and always looked
beautiful each day she went to work, but
come home and strip away the makeup
and beautiful clothes and consume alcohol,
then the claws and fangs came out, shredding,
clawing, beating, and I had to succumb to the
MONSTER.
I was told in rehab to return to group
without the makeup. NEVER I said. They
wanted to see me not perfect as I thought
I needed to be. With every hair in place
always lovely and perfect.
I tried to walk in without the makeup
and I did and they smiled saying it was
a good step toward seeing myself as I
truly am. Taking away the mask and strip
away the illusion of what I thought I needed
to be was a test to becoming true to myself.
It took a many one days at time to get
pass all the crap I had built up when
drinking to peel away the layers of
dysfubctional sick behavior and thinking
to become a lovely child and lady my
HP wants me to be.
Happy, Joyous and Free inside and out.
rigid, don't let anyone see me disheveled,
emotionally hurting, angry, resentful, etc.
I had to be in control most of all the time
because if not, folks would see me as a
failure. And I refused to let them see me
that way. I had to be tough, strong. Muscle
strong, physically strong.
So much BS going on with me. I could
pull the wool over your eyes and you'd
never know it. I was so fullabull that I
convinced folks I was good, fine, nothing
going on here.
Manipulation.
It was how I made myself become after
I walked out the door of my childhood
verbal, physical, emotional abuse at the
hands of a sick mom. After yrs of her TELLING
me what to do that I had had enough and
HOW DARE ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT
TO DO AGAIN.
Growing up in a dysfunctional inviroment
made me into the person I thought I had to
be and with the fuel of poison running thru
my blood stream to my mind, body and soul,
that I fooled everyone.
When I could no longer control myself,
life and poison beat me down, family eventually
got me help to find out why a good mother
and wife would want to throw her life away
just like that.
No one ever knew that alcohol had consumed
every ounce of my being, my thoughts, actions,
everything.
I was tested for my mental state and passed
their test. However I was told I had a drinking
problem. An addiction to alcohol. Then I entered
recovery being taught about my addiction
and giving a program of recovery consisting
of steps and principle to incorporate in all
areas of my life to help me strip away the
mask I wore for so long to fool everyone.
My mask I wore each day even in rehab
was makeup. I learned from my sick mom
who was a cosmetician and always looked
beautiful each day she went to work, but
come home and strip away the makeup
and beautiful clothes and consume alcohol,
then the claws and fangs came out, shredding,
clawing, beating, and I had to succumb to the
MONSTER.
I was told in rehab to return to group
without the makeup. NEVER I said. They
wanted to see me not perfect as I thought
I needed to be. With every hair in place
always lovely and perfect.
I tried to walk in without the makeup
and I did and they smiled saying it was
a good step toward seeing myself as I
truly am. Taking away the mask and strip
away the illusion of what I thought I needed
to be was a test to becoming true to myself.
It took a many one days at time to get
pass all the crap I had built up when
drinking to peel away the layers of
dysfubctional sick behavior and thinking
to become a lovely child and lady my
HP wants me to be.
Happy, Joyous and Free inside and out.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
My alcoholic thinking was a product of my alcoholism. It included anger, anxiety, depression, and a sense of futility and defeat. I changed that outlook by achieving a critical and monumental personal goal - I quit drinking. That achievement lifted me out of that mess and fixed my self esteem allowing me to say yes to new challenges paving the way to new successes.
My thinking as an alcoholic is a thing of my past, just like my alcoholism.
My thinking as an alcoholic is a thing of my past, just like my alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
alcohol was like a feel good fuel i ran on. It helped wash away whatever was bothering me. It also was causing many problems that would bother me but if it was flowing those problems didnt matter much.
I couldnt moderate with it. I cant moderate with a lot of things in life. I think there are lots of folks who have this mind of an alcoholic some are alcoholics some are not however. why one falls in the trap and another doesnt I have no idea. For example I can look at some of my kids and think hrmm that one might need to be care ful and not drink etc.. just because I see some of the same patterns in them that are in me. But it doesnt mean they will become alcoholics tho I suppose.
My sober mind is different. There is a little bit of fight in me now to fight the good fight and try and make the right choices and retain some happyness despite the incredibly strong negative mind that i have. Once booze enters the picture tho that fight goes out the window the booze takes over and its nothing but false booze happiness followed by an incredible dark and negative thinking.
Its not exactly easy for me to be sober and happy. I have to work at it and the struggle can be a real drag sometimes. But it was far from easy being a drunk too.
I couldnt moderate with it. I cant moderate with a lot of things in life. I think there are lots of folks who have this mind of an alcoholic some are alcoholics some are not however. why one falls in the trap and another doesnt I have no idea. For example I can look at some of my kids and think hrmm that one might need to be care ful and not drink etc.. just because I see some of the same patterns in them that are in me. But it doesnt mean they will become alcoholics tho I suppose.
My sober mind is different. There is a little bit of fight in me now to fight the good fight and try and make the right choices and retain some happyness despite the incredibly strong negative mind that i have. Once booze enters the picture tho that fight goes out the window the booze takes over and its nothing but false booze happiness followed by an incredible dark and negative thinking.
Its not exactly easy for me to be sober and happy. I have to work at it and the struggle can be a real drag sometimes. But it was far from easy being a drunk too.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I use to have a committee running around talking endlessly to each other - good ideas, bad ideas and General Jibberish. The General has been demoted - still there, but more like a captain or sergeant today.
In sobriety things are much quieter My morning routine helps keep the committee on hiatus - mostly
If I focus on one task at a time - whatever is put in front of me, things are typically ok. If I start spinning around in the way back machine or envision myself and all my problems next year, things will get ugly.
Morning mediation and readings help quiet the noise.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can......
I know I can! I know I can! I know I can!!!
In sobriety things are much quieter My morning routine helps keep the committee on hiatus - mostly
If I focus on one task at a time - whatever is put in front of me, things are typically ok. If I start spinning around in the way back machine or envision myself and all my problems next year, things will get ugly.
Morning mediation and readings help quiet the noise.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can......
I know I can! I know I can! I know I can!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Written 28 years before I was born, the first 164 pages describe my thinking when I was drinking pretty good.
Also describes what my thinking would be like if I worked the program. Lots of good promises that would happen IF I followed a few simple suggestions.
All have materialized at one point or another in my life, the greatest being the problem with alcohol has been removed. It no longer exists.
Also describes what my thinking would be like if I worked the program. Lots of good promises that would happen IF I followed a few simple suggestions.
All have materialized at one point or another in my life, the greatest being the problem with alcohol has been removed. It no longer exists.
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