Bluehawaii

My adult 23 yr old daughter has been a nightmare with her drinking drug use and behaviour.
She has bad anxiety and she also has an eating disorder and ADD.
She lives on her own but currently is staying with us because she says she can't be alone right now.We tough loved her and she is trying to stop and turn her life around .Going to church not going out on weekends.
She has tried to stop drinking etc for 3 weeks and went to a huge family gathering and got drunk.
When we got home she was going to go out with friends and started to walk home at 1 am. We wouldn't let her for fear she was so drunk.She tried to drive home we got keys from her in fight and she bit me.My arm is black and blue and people are asking me what happened.This is not the first time I have been hurt or property damaged.
I called police she spent night in drunk tank.She took cab home we wouldn't get her...she came to church in morning. Remorseful crying etc.
She says she won't drink again but won't go to a meeting cause if her anxiety.
She still hasn't gotten help for her ED.
What can I do?
They tell me nothing but IAM confused is there not boundaries ?
Does she have to learn this without me interfering in her process?

Berrybean

Like learning to ride a bike, you can encourage and support but ultimately she has to get on there, probably take a few falls, and learn that balancing act for herself. It would be so much easier for her in a rehab or support group situation. Perhaps if she was willing, you could find out about local AA meetings and accompany her to her first one or two if they are 'open' meetings (or if the secretary and people attending say that they are agreeable to it, if it is a closed meeting). One thing you might want to consider is going to Al Anon meetings yourself for support and advice. Many people have found those meetings invaluable.
It sounds like she was doing well. Perhaps it was just too early to test her sobriety with something so trying as a large family function. It's best to avoid triggers and temptation in the early days,weeks and months of sobriety. If it offers you any hope, I heard a lovely share at AA on Sunday where someone said that it was when they were serious about their recovery that they went back to their parents, wept and asked for their help. This was a major step. she has now been sober for many years.

Please encourage her to go get help. And well done for being so supportive.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR

Bluehawaii

Thank you that is so helpful and I went to families anonymous a few years ago for a brief time they were so helpfull in us getting her on her own then as she was so abusive.
I will go back!
I wasn't sure if giving her an ultimatum to attend a meeting or go back home was ok or not.
She had consequences but my other daughters fiancé thinks were crazy for having a birthday dinner two days later and wouldn't even come.
Thinks we're enabling her by being with us as well.
We see she is trying to make changes and he sees we're being hurt.
I am torn.

TroyW

All you can do is:

a) Ensure she knows you love her, and are there for her.

b) Inform her of the benefits of being sober, and the downfalls of not.

Aside from that, it's up to her.

Anna

I think boundaries are wonderful, but they are to protect you, rather than threaten or punish your daughter. I am not an advocate of tough love, but I do think boundaries work well. For example, if she attacks you physically and verbally, you could call the police and not allow her back in the house. That protects you and your husband.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!