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Relapsed yesterday, heartbroken :-(

Old 06-22-2015, 11:34 AM
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Relapsed yesterday, heartbroken :-(

It feels like it happened to someone else... Like I watched it in a movie.

I drank. Being 2 weeks shy of 6 months :-(

There was absolutely nothing pleasurable about it. It felt so wrong, yet I went and did it anyway. Do I hate myself today? Oh, very much so.

There was no pleasure, no buzz, just nasty and overwhelming anxiety ('it's not working like it should, maybe drink it faster!')

There was no cool breeze, no sunshine in my hair and no frosty, cold glass of white wine. That's how I pictured it for months and that's what I felt deprived of.

Well, it was nothing like that. It felt wrong, dirty and anxious.

I'm typing it all out to all of you with similar romantic images in your heads. Don't be fooled. IT'S ALL A TERRIBLE LIE.

I'm also typing it to be accountable because I'm not going to lie anymore. I shared my triumphs here, I will share this failure.

It hurts, it really hurts.
Any words of encouragement and strength will be welcomed. I really need a hug now

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Old 06-22-2015, 11:44 AM
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Congrats on posting about it you didnt lose them months you stayed sober in them my advice would be recognise areas for improvement tweak the sobriety plan and move forward

Back on the horse my friend
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Old 06-22-2015, 11:48 AM
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I'm sorry you're feeling this way, try not to be hard on yourself. View it as an affirmation that sobriety is the better way for you.

This can wind up being a very significant piece of your own sobriety foundation if you embrace it as a lesson and a piece of 'evidence' about what is really important to you.

You're not a failure, you're not bad, you're not wrong, you're not shameful.... you're a human being and you've succumbed to temptation and you have seen the error and you've owned up to it.

Now, go forward with a resolve to let it lead you toward an ever-better life.

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Old 06-22-2015, 11:49 AM
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Sorry, dream. Sending virtual hugs your way. It's a setback, but it's definitely not six months down the drain! Try to remember what you are feeling today and any time you start to feel deprived replace that feeling with being glad you no longer have to feel the way you feel today!
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:09 PM
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Go at things again!! You can do this, don't beat yourself up!!
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:12 PM
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Thank you for sharing this honesty.

Please, just dust yourself off. And get right back to your sobriety. You can do this. It was just a road bump.
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:17 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through this but thank you for posting. I've been struggling lately and reading your post really gave me a reality check.

You can do this again.

Wishing you well.

L x
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:18 PM
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I am happy for you admitting you messed up and are here posting about it, that's good. Did you contact anyone before you drank????? Seems to be a resounding theme we need to remember.

Welcome back - sober today and ready to start anew?? If so, make the change and come back

Thanks for the thread, don't beat yourself up. Figure out what went wrong - next time call or post before...
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:23 PM
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Sorry you are feeling down Ifyoucandream. Good for you on coming right back here and posting though.

Sounds like you realize it was a mistake and you are ready to move forward. I agree with the others, you didn't loose your time spent sober... Your body agrees. Great job on nearly 6 months. Tweak your plan and move forward.

We are here for you.
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:26 PM
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Don't beat yourself up ! The good thing is you came back you can do this again! I have faith in you
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:36 PM
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So now you know You're back and today is a new day. Forgive yourself and move on.
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Old 06-22-2015, 12:55 PM
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You had almost six months and of course you're upset by deciding to drink. Believe that you deserve a good life and all that recovery can bring to you. You can do this.
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:07 PM
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My AV has been "Talking it Up" the last day or two. Your "Message" is exactly what I needed to hear, at just the right time !

Now. Dust yourself off and get right back in the saddle ! You are still on the "journey".

Hugs !

DD
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:10 PM
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(((IfYouCanDream)))
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:15 PM
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Thank you all so much.

You have no idea how much it means to me today to receive all this support.

I'm feeling so low and worthless today and having someone who understands means the world to me.

Thank you SR community. I'd be lost without you.


Originally Posted by Flynbuy View Post
Did you contact anyone before you drank????? Seems to be a resounding theme we need to remember. .
I contacted my sponsor to tell her I had a bad craving but fought through it (that's what I thought at that moment).
When the craving came back on with double force I felt like my body wasn't my body. I had known to come here or call for help but when that craving came on it didn't even cross my mind. Some terrible darkness took over and it just happened.
Today I'm dismayed - it's so easy to f*** up!


Originally Posted by Flynbuy View Post
sober today and ready to start anew?? If so, make the change and come back
Very sober.
You couldn't pay me enough to take a drink today. The emptiness I felt with that wine glass in my hand is impossible to describe.

How easily can one forget over the course of several months...

I'll remember better this time.
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:19 PM
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After the miserable winter we had in Toronto, it is very hard not to think about relaxing in the summer weather with a few drinks. sitting on a patio with a bucket of corona's on ice was literally my favourite 'hobby' during the summer.

The arrival of summer weather had always been a huge trigger for me. had massive cravings all weekend.

I have relapsed after a six month sobriety period too. Keep moving forward. What's done is done
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:21 PM
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C'mon be a quitter.
It helped me when I saw myself as a nondrinker who won't, not a drinker who for whatever reason can't. You just proved there really is no deprivation, the truth behind the lie, the hard way but at least you don't need to try that again , right ? C'mon be a quitter, you surely can
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:25 PM
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We're all in this together IfYouCanDream.

You're not a horrible person. I caved at almost 6 months myself a few years ago, but kept on drinking. At least you are right back here and posting. Thanks for your honesty.
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by IfYouCanDream View Post

There was no pleasure, no buzz, just nasty and overwhelming anxiety ('it's not working like it should, maybe drink it faster!')

There was no cool breeze, no sunshine in my hair and no frosty, cold glass of white wine. That's how I pictured it for months and that's what I felt deprived of.

Well, it was nothing like that. It felt wrong, dirty and anxious.

Thank you for typing out exactly how it was. It was very sobering to read.

(((Hugs to you))) Onward now
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:43 PM
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Are you in one of SR's sober classes ? http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-7-a-4.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...18-pt-2-a.html

Really glad your here friend
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