back again
 

I had 4 months of sobriety in 2010...then almost 11 months last year. I've gone through a lot of difficult life events in the first part of this year, which really for a while there, I didn't think I could stand the pain of. Divorce (not due to the drinking), having to move, and live on my own again. I have a serious illness. Very serious. Though I work full time at a demanding job.

Today is day one again. And my last day one. I would say, I "hope" it's the last, but I don't want to give myself an out. I can't do this anymore. I've never been an AA person, but I'm willing to give anything a try at this point. And maybe that's the mindset that will make this time permanent. I'm just so done. I look forward to reconnecting, and spending a lot of time on here learning and dealing with this head on, instead of trying to act like a normie. I'm just not.

Welcome back, SillyString!

Congrats on making a day 1 http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rituality.html

You can do this if you do it for you SillyString

Welcome, SillyString! It sounds like you know what you need to do ... the same thing I found out the hard way: to do whatever it takes to stay sober and get that demon off my back. We're here to help when you need support, a listening ear or what have you.

Welcome back :)

Thanks all. I really appreciate the welcome.

Welcome back SillyString!! :)

Welcome back silly string . It is a long journey for lots of us.

Hi sillystring, Sorry about your serious illness.

"I'm willing to give anything a try at this point." and " trying to act like a normie. I'm just not."

Your ready. I wish you the best of luck.

Good to see you back, Sillystring!

I'm sorry about your troubles and struggles, but I'm glad to see you again sillystring :)

D

It's so good to see you again, Silly.

Glad you are back Silly.

I have gone through some life changing things in the past 2 years.
I have also been through some serious health issues too.

Sometimes I feel like I have very little left.
I feel like someone has whipped my security blanket from me and I won't ever get it back.

However...........through out of it, I have not drank.

Sometimes I think its because if I do have a drink, I won't be able to stop.
Other times I know, from experience, it does not make things any better or easier to cope with.

Sometimes I say to myself, if things feel this bad still by tomorrow, I will have a drink if I want one, but I won't drink today.
Then I try to distract myself on keep busy.
I can hand on heart say that there has never been a tomorrow where I have felt so bad still that I have had a drink.

Drink or no drink, I will still remain lonely, unemployed and feeling depressed.

I also personally believe that when I look over some of the rubbish times I have had, I should be proud of myself.
Partner left - did not drink.
Made redundant - did not drink.
Having housing issues - have not drunk.

Feeling proud of not drinking makes me see myself in a bit of a better life.

People will say, wow you have dealt with a lot, and I think to myself, yes I have and I did it without resorting to numbing myself with booze.

Its nice feeling proud of yourself.
It makes me feel that whatever life throws at me, I can cope, however unpleasant it is at the time.

I wish you the best xx