All Inclusive Resort Honeymoon - Need tips and help
 

Hi Guys!!!

Fell off the wagon last night after about a month sober and drank two bottles of wine, not a horrible hangover but enough to remind me of why I need my sobriety in life. On a good note my wedding is in Sept. I am so nervous about the wedding having an open bar (my future in laws paid for it and everyone coming is a drinker so I thought we should probably have one.)

My future husband doesn't drink. AT ALL. So he has been great in support but after our wedding 2 days later we are going to Jamaica to an all inclusive resort for a week. That means all you can drink alcohol available to me all the time. They leave whole fifths for you in your room for free. Its craziness..

I think the want to have a great, action packed honeymoon will keep me sober but wondering if anyone has ever had this temptation before. We are doing lots of activities like hiking, climbing waterfalls, ziplining, things I DO NOT want to be hungover for.

Thank you in advance for tips or support.

Just curious - why did you choose an all inclusive destination?
does your hubby to be know the extent of your problem?

I guess you can't change it now?

You have a decent amount of time til September - you can have a few months sober time and have a really good recovery plan by then.

there are some tips for social occasions here:
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

and this is a great place to start when thinking recovery plans:
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

D

Dear CJ,

it's good to plan ahead and have contingencies covered.
however, to worry about September and an open bar THEN when you returned to drinking last night is to put the focus where it needn't be.
put your focus on NOW and what happened last night and how you can stay sober today and tomorrow and then maybe you'll have a wedding and a honeymoon and will reconsider the all-inclusive and....
be here today.
deal with your yesterday-drinking.

here's what i know: i was young. i drank. i met someone. i drank. i got married.
i spent the evening of my wedding day drinking champagne and not getting enough.
i wanted more.
more champagne instead of going to bed with new hubby in our new old home together.
there.
that's the first time i've written that in a post.
forty years later, long divorced, i'm in the process of making amends.
and that night is an example of the journey i took with alcohol.

if this sounds outlandish...it isn't.

you can change your story now and avoid the stuff that came later.
you're here. you know something's wrong.

you have a chance NOW. i hope you take it.

best regards,

fini

Thank you Dee & Fini,

I needed that. I was very worried about the all inclusive resort and we debated Walt Disney World but it was the cheapest option to be on the sands of Jamaica (our dream) and have scuba, horseback riding, dinner, etc all included as well. You guys are very correct. I do need to focus on the NOW and myself. I guess I set myself up for disaster all the time because I don't want people to 1) know about my problem 2) my problem to affect other people. My future husband knows the extent of my problem but honestly enables me as well. Ie, he will get me more to drink if I am hungover because he hates seeing my detoxing. Its a messed up situation. I can totally see my wedding night being the same. I just really need to focus on my sobriety NOW and focus on a sober amazing wedding day.

I made it through a week at an all inclusive with my girlfriend. There is more temptation than usual because people around you are all on vacation and consuming more than they usually would, coupled with the lack of responsibility you generally feel when you are on vacation. I was very glad I did not succumb while on the trip, as I'm sure it would have ruined things. I would say to look at it the same you would your normal life. The average person lives within a mile or two of a liquor store and there is almost constant access to it, if you really want. If you can stay quit in your normal life, you can avoid it on vacation too. Don't let the "free" aspect of it be an excuse, it's still the same old alcohol, still the same old headaches and issues if you give in

The only large social gathering I attended during my first two years of sobriety was an AA convention. I couldn't do a wedding when I was two or three months sober, and if I were to go to an all-inclusive resort for a week or more in that time frame, I would be going so that I could drink night and day. Accepting this reality is what helped me to remain sober. So I can't really offer you advice as to how you might prepare in order to stay safe.

Your wedding is in Sept. You relapsed yesterday. Maybe your focus should be less on the future and more on why you are on Day one today.

I could not have gone to a wedding at 2 or 3 months sober, nor to an all-inclusive. You say that your fiancé enables you and it's a messed up situation. That doesn't sound good at all.

I'd definitely have a chat with your future husband as to your intentions to be Sober for the long term, if he doesn't already know!!

You can do this!! :)

Hi ChasingJme,

One of the very best memories of my wedding night is the music. The playing was spectacular, exciting and worth every single minute of time. An open bar made for a great party, but I really did not get to spend that much time with friends as each and every one was loaded before the reception was underway.

Keep in mind that you can be an excellent host without offering an open bar or full bar. People just drink more and faster when it is free. You still have a lot of time before the wedding. :) Maybe you could consider asking your future in-laws to invest in a night with the live band of your choosing and tone down the bar/liquor availability? You would actually be doing your friends and family a favor as there will be far less of the inevitable debauchery, drama and unnecessary pain associated with your wedding day.

From me to you, I recommend visualizing yourself not drinking on your wedding night. If you think it is inevitable that you will not be sober, well then.... There is so much adrenaline and excitement - you seriously do not need to entertain any thoughts of alcohol. From one wife to a future wife - keep alcohol as far away from your developing relationship and friends as possible. The absence of free-flowing alcohol seriously is the greatest wedding present you could give everyone involved.

As the others have suggested, definitely talk to your fiancé about your concerns with the all-inclusive honeymoon. This whole marriage thing is an exciting time. Visualize being present and vow to create and remember as much good stuff as possible. Soak it up!

Great advice in this thread