I'm ready to share...I think.
 

I've been pondering this post for a few days. As some of you know, I've now been sober for 28 days. Never thought I'd be a counter, but I check it every few days. This is the longest stretch I've been sober in 12-13- years. No need to explain my journey, its on this site in bits and pieces. Anyway, I've changed. And for the better I believe. I realize in terms of sobriety I'm basically still in pre-school. I'm physically disabled essentially, but my confidence is at an all time high. I feel I make correct decisions, I solve problems much better, my conversations with family and customers are of a higher quality. Just generally feel better about myself. My perspective has changed. I look at people that "have it all" and I always thought to myself, that will never be me. Now I think to myself, why can't it be me? I can do it, just work hard and stay positive. I'm afraid of neither hard work or thinking positive. My relationships. As you can imagine, my wife has basically been my nurse since I got home and in the first week she had to do some things that were less than dignified as I could not do them myself. These challenges we've shared have brought us closer than ever. A bond has been created between us that only could be accomplished through the things we have had to do in order for me to get through daily routines that most people take for granted. You can use your imagination on that one. If you are a nurse, you know exactly what I am referring to. The relationship with my parents has always been rocky because I'm the black sheep of the family. Alcohol has been the centerpiece of that rocky relationship, yet my dad is an alcoholic. But at the same time they do have a healthy respect for me, yet will rarely admit it. I've done an accomplished great things, and I've also been a horrible person and done horrible/scary things. They've always thought I was part fearless and part nuts. They are probably right. But they see what I am going through and how (now sober for a period of time) and I guess they see the old me and it makes them feel good. I was a good person until about 26-27. Although they haven't said anything, I think they are overjoyed that I haven't touched a drop of booze, and haven't even mentioned it. Emotionally I've held up pretty good, I believe it would have been easy to go into the poor me attitude, stoop into depression and drink or do stupid things. I haven't. Being sober has done the opposite for me. I feel like a tiger.
Lastly and most importantly, I have not been craving the booze, letting it grind away at me mentally until the weekend (like I would usually do). I'm been completely fine with it. I would tell you if I wasn't. Yes, I have had a couple times early on where I was with buddies who were drinking and we were hanging out at my house, and the old habit of having a few crept into my head, but it has faded. In fact, I just got back from my brothers house and we were celebrating fathers day. The whole family was there (my brother is a father too, I am not). Lots of drinking going on, swimming pool, meat on the grill, the whole works. Strangely, I wasn't all depressed and feeling sh*tty because I couldn't drink. In fact, I was more concerned about the thunderstorms coming in tonight and how that is going to effect work tomorrow. And to be honest, it feels pretty good. Its liberating, alcohol is like having a leash on, you wander around but are never free. I don't know what the future holds, but I am enjoying things now in a way that I have not in a long long time. And yet with my injuries I could easily be circling the drain. So anyway, those are my thoughts I wanted to share. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

I'm really proud of you. In the 28 days since that awful accident you've really grabbed the bull by the horns and turned things around.
Great job on 28 days and taking the harder path. Very inspiring and rewarding. You can help a lot of people to see its possible.
I wish you continued success.

Good for you, Jeff. You're starting to see that a life in sobriety opens a lot of doors.

I was just typing those words when I say the quote on Hope2014's post. It says it all:

"A butterfly is incapable of flight, until the struggle to free himself from his cocoon gives his wings the strength he needs; the hardest you've ever struggled, is the strongest you'll ever be."

Good stuff there. I'm proud of you.

Thank you so much for sharing, Thomas. It was really great to read your story.

And right on with your 28 days sober!

Jeff I'm really happy for you.

I'm happy for you too!!! Keep it up! :-)

Jeff, it sounds like you are growing as a person. Good job on 28 days.

It sounds to me like you have made huge strides. You are very aware and I don't hear you making excuses. Big congrats on 28 days!

Love your honesty and insight. Thank you so much for sharing. Congrats not only on you sobriety, but on your peace of mind!

Congrats from me too Jeff :)

D

Congrats on four weeks, thomas11!

I'm just starting day 46, and, honestly, seeing the pain you were going thru when you were drinking and posting in here during my first couple of weeks was a big incentive for me to not drink myself. And now your posts of the last couple of weeks are giving me a great real life example of just how much better our lives and thinking can be when we alcoholics don't poison ourselves with alcohol. You're doing great and I'm so happy for you and also proud of you. Sobriety suits you well, my man.

Thank you for helping to keep me sober today. I sincerely mean that. Keep on keeping on!

Hi Thomas

Inspiring! I am 3 days sober. Longest stretch in Over 15yrs. I feel clear headed and yes -liberated from the leash. Thanks for sharing

Hi Thomas, congratulations on days sober and many more to come.

My close friend said that to me and I smiled when you wrote it too, they saw the old me. Isn't it liberating. Great achievement.

A good, reflective post.

I'm glad you are feeling strong in your sobriety. But, progress is easy when we are "fine" with not drinking. The challenge is progressing in our sobriety when we "aren't fine" with it. When our addiction chips away at our confidence and committment. Then what?

Think about how you are going to deal with the dips in your emotions without drinking. When you are reading about a sobriety "plan" on these boards, it is for these situations, when we are at our weakest, that we are suggesting you take into consideration when you are planning your recovery.

Continued success!

Congrats!! That's awesome! Love your attitude!!

Quite frankly Jeff, you sound like a different person.
And that person is thoughtful and growing :)

good job! it is like having a leash or a noose. I was a slave to the stuff so I guess it was like my wip too!

You sound like a different person from when you first started posting. Congrats!

Very inspirational read for any newcomers right there! Keep up the good work and positive attitude.

Thanks Carl, when I first joined this site, I read your posts and I thought they were a bit rough/direct, and my natural defense mechanism was to be slightly offended or whatever. As time as gone by (not just this last month, but since I joined), and my opinion has changed. Now I see a guy who talks the talk, and walks the walk. I can't help but respect that.