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I'm torn & craving ...

Old 06-21-2015, 07:00 AM
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I'm torn & craving ...

It being Father's day & having to see my father in rehab is killing me. If I didn't have the voices in my head telling me not to buy booze, I would have been there by now.

I've played it out all morning in my head. In a strange way it's probably what everyone expects from me by now. I wouldn't want to disappoint them haha.

Seriously though I'm craving big & fighting in my head big. My anxiety has been driving me bonkers, but I refuse to take meds till I'm going to see him.

He knows about my sezure & mom's heart troubles. He's been calling every day & asking mom how I'm doing. He's in rehab, can barely speak or walk & he's concerned w\ me. It makes the battle in my head even tougher.

But I'm not going to drink today; I won't do that to him, mom, my brothers, nor myself. Nope not gonna !!!!

Dennis

My name is August West, and I love my Pearly Baker best more than my wine.
More than my wine - more than my maker, though he's no friend of mine.
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Old 06-21-2015, 07:12 AM
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I can't offer you advice Dennis but feel for you and your family situation man. Just please don't go down that slippery slope..
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Old 06-21-2015, 07:14 AM
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Hang in there Dennis! You are doing good.
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Old 06-21-2015, 07:48 AM
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Thanx Dad called & spoke to me for the first time since my sezure. Was tough, hearing him struggling looking for the words. Even tougher not to break down in tears. At this point I'm hoping I don't do it while there. That would just ruin the day.

My name is August West, and I love my Pearly Baker best more than my wine.
More than my wine - more than my maker, though he's no friend of mine.
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Old 06-21-2015, 07:52 AM
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Have you tried urge surfing for cravings ?
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Old 06-21-2015, 08:00 AM
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Originally Posted by soberwolf View Post
Have you tried urge surfing for cravings ?
I've tried everything at this point... It's just something I've come to accept today. I knew today was gonna be hard, I thought I prepared myself better .. But ehh I'll deal best I can; besides right now the thought of the physical beat down from my younger brother is keeping them at bay lolllll

My name is August West, and I love my Pearly Baker best more than my wine.
More than my wine - more than my maker, though he's no friend of mine.
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Old 06-21-2015, 08:18 AM
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Hang in there Dennis!! Alcohol is not a way forward!!

You can do this!!
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Old 06-21-2015, 08:40 AM
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The past is the past and all you can do is go forward. Alcohol makes nothing better for anyone, ever. Each day you don't drink is a day you are living- and being present for your family who obviously love you very much and need you.

Keep doing what you're doing, but focus on the FREEDOM you have when you don't drink. Don't focus on what you perceive to be missing, for you are missing nothing.

Speedy recovery to your dad!
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Old 06-21-2015, 08:45 AM
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Dennis - today I have stayed in bed all day, with my head under the covers.
I have mostly tried not to think about anything.

I have not much left.
But I do have my sober days and that whatever life throws at me, nothing is worth loosing them.
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Old 06-21-2015, 08:56 AM
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Hi Dennis. Sorry about the difficult day. I had bad cravings off and on in early sobriety, for a good while. What worked best for me in the beginning was using physical "tools" to combat them -- eating food was my favorite. I never picked up a habit of eating junk or sweets, just smalls portions of whatever healthy foods or snacks I liked, throughout the day. It really shut down the cravings for me (there is well-known scientific reason behind this) and probably saved my life. I also did a lot of walking, which often helped as well (if for nothing else, to remove me from the environment where I most comfortably used to drink, my home). I doubt I could have succeeded battling the kinds of cravings I had initially, using only cognitive methods such as urge surfing. I quite quickly learned to apply that though after a few weeks of successes.

Btw, my own dad also just had a stroke recently, and was in a very bad shape initially, but seems to be improving. My best wishes to your father and yourself in this tough situation
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Old 06-21-2015, 09:17 AM
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It's okay to feel however you are feeling. If you do decide to go and you cry, it's not a bad thing. You and your Dad probably could both use a good cry, you know? Emotions are given to us for a reason.

I was a big crier in early sobriety - like literally every day. Now I haven't cried in months and months - probably a whole year. It gets better, but the emotions had to come out eventually or I would have imploded.
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Old 06-21-2015, 09:43 AM
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Thanx Óll ... In a way it's not early sobriety to me; but that's neither here nor there.

I made a phone call to a friend of mine. He lost his wife & daughter in a car accident to a drunk driver. Dwelling on my sadness made me realize what he must be going through.

It's these kinds of things I miss from dead tour. The camaraderie & the way we were all family. I still have the cravings but I could careless about them.

I realize I've lived a resoundingly interesting full life & still have much to be thankful for. Thanx ladies & gents ..

Dennis

My name is August West, and I love my Pearly Baker best more than my wine.
More than my wine - more than my maker, though he's no friend of mine.
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Old 06-21-2015, 11:30 AM
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Hi Augustwest, while I cannot speak for everyone, you sound well to me. Very well in fact. Wishing the very best.
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Old 06-21-2015, 11:54 AM
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Hi.

This obsession to escape our painful times are natural for us and it’s the reason we must think the drink all the way through. During these time of emotional stress I needed to ask myself : will drinking accomplish anything long term? After some time practicing this question the answer always was a resounding NO and then I could deal with life on lifes terms, not liking it much but accepting it deep inside.

BE WELL
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Old 06-21-2015, 11:57 AM
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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Old 06-21-2015, 12:28 PM
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I can relate, Dennis. My craving for booze is damn nasty today and it's taking everything I've got not to give in and is making me one nasty feeling SOB. Solidarity, brother. These cravings do pass.
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Old 06-21-2015, 01:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Edge78 View Post
I can relate, Dennis. My craving for booze is damn nasty today and it's taking everything I've got not to give in and is making me one nasty feeling SOB. Solidarity, brother. These cravings do pass.
Yea; been talking w\ dad & jammin' the tunes in my head ...... Take this anyway you want brother; but means allot for me & the cravings lol

"The wheel is turning and you can't slow down,
You can't let go and you can't hold on,
You can't go back and you can't stand still,
If the thunder don't get you then the lightning will."

Dennis

My name is August West, and I love my Pearly Baker best more than my wine.
More than my wine - more than my maker, though he's no friend of mine.
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Old 06-22-2015, 01:31 AM
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I'm glad you got through it okay, AW. My dad passed a few years ago and I'm still not used to...I keep thinking I need to call him to with him a happy Father's Day, then I remember he's gone. Even if it's hard I hope you cherish the time you have with him, Dennis. Time goes so fast.
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Old 06-22-2015, 05:13 AM
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Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
I'm glad you got through it okay, AW. My dad passed a few years ago and I'm still not used to...I keep thinking I need to call him to with him a happy Father's Day, then I remember he's gone. Even if it's hard I hope you cherish the time you have with him, Dennis. Time goes so fast.
I'm so sorry to hear about that. But I do understand that I need to cherish. That call to my friend hit me hard. Like I said the cravings were still there but didn't stand a chance after that phone call ..

Dennis

My name is August West, and I love my Pearly Baker best more than my wine.
More than my wine - more than my maker, though he's no friend of mine.
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Old 06-22-2015, 07:15 AM
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Congrats on making the decision to stay sober one more day, Dennis. You're doing great.
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