For goodness sake
 

I need to get some things off my chest.

I have a few things going on at the moment so life is not all plain sailing.
They rank high on stressful things that can happen in life - job, home, money, moving etc etc.


I'm taking it as it comes.
I'm trying to wade though it and solve problems as I go

Today, I almost came came close to loosing my temper.
My family being the reason why.
Nothing massive, nothing really, really toxic, mainly irritants.
I did loose my temper but not to the extent I felt like doing and I didn't say the home truths I wanted to.

I am now feeling resentful.
I feel like I want to isolate myself from them and keep my distance.
However, I am supposed to be moving closer to them.
Its making me think this is a huge mistake.

We have dynamics in our family that I think are wrong, but I have come to realise from years and years of trying to change them, that its easier to keep myself to myself.

I just feel like a simmering pot ready to boil over!
I think I am making a huge mistake but how do you tell your family that in no uncertain terms and make them realise their behaviour is the reason why I don't want to be near them?
Is it bad I want to tell them that I don't want to spend time with them and I don't want to be near them because of x, y and z?

Well.....we have f$$$ed-up dynamics in my family too.......and I've decided that it is best for me to have no contact w my brothers which is the only family I have.....I guess I'm resentful of them also because of how they have always and still treat me. I'm not fighting w them anymore, having temper tantrums, confronting them etc. I see them as I'll. And that is that.

It's non-negotiable.

(((((Sasha))))) Some members of my family drive me up the wall to the point i stay out of it as it just aint worth it

I had to walk away from some ppl maybe in time if things change... there is always hope but im not waiting around holding my breath anymore

Family can be stressful!! :hug:

Don't be afraid to take some distance and have boundaries, at the end of the day we need to live our lives and if that requires not seeing some people then that's alright in my opinion.

I have family members that don't care much about what is going on in my life most of the year and then all of a sudden start handing out grief when they feel like it for various reasons at random.

I'll be over here living my life!! :)

I think whether you move or not, boundaries are vitally important Sasha.

I had to go minimal contact with my family for a while because of boundary issues - I didn't tell them why cos that would necessitate a whole new round of drama - I just made myself unavailable.

Eventually I guess my family got it, and I probably relaxed a little too.

In any case, the relationship - while not perfect - is much better now for that time apart.

D

Life, family... and of course life - can be stressful and challenging to manage our personal balance.

Are you feeling your sobriety is at risk?

What can you do today to give yourself an outlet? Can you get some vigorous exercise? Can you visit with someone who has an understanding ear you can talk with? Perhaps a meeting you can make it to?

It's times like you're describing - when we're feeling fed up and at the end of our ropes - that we can become vulnerable and alcohol or drugs can strike us as the clear answer.

(which of course, they're not).

I hope you're able to find ways to relieve the internal pressure and let yourself release your hold on the things you cannot control.

Sasha, rootin for ya. :egypt:
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...SOB3k2lkEJysxS

Hi
This alcoholic was and at times still wants to isolate from people, places and things just like I did drinking. Isolation for an alcoholic is very dangerous. I also wanted to control/change a lot of things.
Then too slowly I learned that drinking or not that life continues with or without me at the helm. I learned being away from the helm and just trying to fix me is a very large challenge and after many years sober is not completed yet, sort of 3 steps forward then 2 back at times.

The Serenity Prayer words “accept the things I cannot change” is often overwhelming at times it seems but so needed for our serenity.

BE WELL

In my case I find I better be right about x, y and z before I lay down the law. But even then I generally opt for the quietly keeping my distance approach.

Everyone would like to think we should all get along great with every single family member but the reality is that doesnt happen all the time and thats ok.

There was a time when people left there families in europe to come to america to barely if ever go back to see them again. I dont think there is some rule somewhere that we have to remain close to every family member. It sure is nice but it doesnt always work.

There is also a level of tolerance that has to take place as well we cant just write off whomever. But I have some family members myself whom after years of trying and trying and trying I'm like I give up forget it its just not worth entering into that rhelm just to leave feeling crummy about myself again trying to please the unpleaseable etc..

Oh how horrible that simmering type of stress & anger is. I'm sorry Sasha:(. Is this the family you live with or or you at least able to separate from it some? I'm so luck with my immediate family now that I'm older but when I was young it was unbearable. Maybe some new boundaries are in order, please put yourself first. Resentments suck.

You are all right.
Boundaries, boundaries and distance and more distance works.
I know that.

I'm on my uppers at the moment, but if i just take each day as it comes, I'm sure it will all work out.

I felt physically sick this morning with what I am faced with.
But I've not lost anything more and I've gained a whole load of knowledge.

Good to have that knowledge now rather than later when its too late to change things.

I need to get busy making a life for me and my daughter rather than a life that pleases everyone else.

Thanks everyone xx

Sasha, I think you just gave yourself the best advice yet !

Try if possible, to pospone your decision about moving. You dont have to tell anybody, anything. Just mention you are rethinking your situation.

Put yourself first and foremost !...and protect your piece of mind and your sobriety at all costs !

Best to you and yours. Remember we love you and we're always here for you...even when "Family" bails !

DD

Thank you!

I have to move in six weeks as my house is sold and everything is signed.
However, I will look for somewhere to rent or stay with friends.
I'm trying to see it as an adventure!

Good luck and I am thinking of you!