family party
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
family party
I have a family party tomorrow. I am not very close to my family but I am going anyways. There will be a lot of alcohol there...I know it will be hard but I feel I can do it 
Do any of you go to parties like that? What do you do when it gets harder ?
I warned my sponsor and she told me she would keep her phone with her all day and all night and to call her if I need to.
But I wanted to know what all of you do in these situations ?
Do any of you go to parties like that? What do you do when it gets harder ?
I warned my sponsor and she told me she would keep her phone with her all day and all night and to call her if I need to.
But I wanted to know what all of you do in these situations ?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I waited a long time til I went to things like that.
I figured I needed to build up some sober muscles before I throw myselkf in at the deep end again.
It was a good investment for my recovery - and there were always other parties, down the road a little when I knew nothing or no one could sway me
D
I figured I needed to build up some sober muscles before I throw myselkf in at the deep end again.
It was a good investment for my recovery - and there were always other parties, down the road a little when I knew nothing or no one could sway me
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I arrive on time and duck out early (ie. when everyone starts talking s**t and repeating themselves while breathing alcohol fumes into my face). If it's not possible to actually leave, then I take a break by maybe 'popping to the shop' for something, which means finding a quiet place to have a coffee and read and refocus.
I think it;s much easier if the party is held on neutral terratory. It always seems less 'rude' to sneak out of a pub and then return later than it is in someones house. Do they know you're on the wagon? If so, that's easier because you can be more honest about why you need a break.
Use those phone numbers!
I also have a little MP3 player which I carry around that has AA speaker recordings downloaded on it. This can come in really handy.
Good luck
I think it;s much easier if the party is held on neutral terratory. It always seems less 'rude' to sneak out of a pub and then return later than it is in someones house. Do they know you're on the wagon? If so, that's easier because you can be more honest about why you need a break.
Use those phone numbers!
I also have a little MP3 player which I carry around that has AA speaker recordings downloaded on it. This can come in really handy.
Good luck
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by newinrecovery 
I have a family party tomorrow. I am not very close to my family but I am going anyways.
On the 14th you wrote:
"Last night I went to a party when I knew it was not a good idea."
And you are going to another? ...not a good idea.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Is it a family party to celebrate a particular event/milestone, or just a drinking party? If it is the former I'd say attend with caution, keep your sponsors number on speed dial and focus on the true reason for the celebration. If it's the latter I would skip it. I still don't attend any drinking specific events even with multiple years of sobriety....there is simply no reason for me to be there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
I come late and/or leave early.
Park somewhere where no one can park me in, even if it is down the block...
Bring plenty of non-alcohol drinks. Way too much, but don't want to run out and seems more people are joining the non drinking crowd lately!
Hang out with the younger generation or light drinkers.
Offer to help with the cooking, keep busy!
Sneak out for a walk if it gets to be too much.
Play with the dogs!
Good luck, and if you feel it is risky ---- don't go!!!!
Park somewhere where no one can park me in, even if it is down the block...
Bring plenty of non-alcohol drinks. Way too much, but don't want to run out and seems more people are joining the non drinking crowd lately!
Hang out with the younger generation or light drinkers.
Offer to help with the cooking, keep busy!
Sneak out for a walk if it gets to be too much.
Play with the dogs!
Good luck, and if you feel it is risky ---- don't go!!!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
If you're not very close to your family and you're still early in recovery, maybe it's best to skip this party and maybe wait until the next one when you have a little more sobriety time under your belt? Put your sobriety first. If you do decide to go, I hope you go in your own car and have a plan to leave immediately if you feel uncomfortable in any way, shape or form.
Good call on warning your sponsor--and, heck, on having a sponsor in the first place. Asking for help has been an important part of my recovery so far. Remember you also have the option of running on here if needed--this place is open 24/7 and there's always someone here willing to lend a helping hand.
Good call on warning your sponsor--and, heck, on having a sponsor in the first place. Asking for help has been an important part of my recovery so far. Remember you also have the option of running on here if needed--this place is open 24/7 and there's always someone here willing to lend a helping hand.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I didn't go. Couldn't go, because I wanted to get sober.
I count at least four stressors of varying intensity, but no plan as to how to deal with them which, I suppose, is why you asked your question.
I used to be much more flexible in my recommendations for other people about such things when I first joined SR, if only because it was their choice. Still is. Experience has radically changed my thinking.
What's the worst thing that can happen if you don't go? What's the worst thing that can happen if you do go?
Originally Posted by newinrecovery
I have a family party tomorrow. I am not very close to my family but I am going anyways. There will be a lot of alcohol there...I know it will be hard but I feel I can do it
I used to be much more flexible in my recommendations for other people about such things when I first joined SR, if only because it was their choice. Still is. Experience has radically changed my thinking.
What's the worst thing that can happen if you don't go? What's the worst thing that can happen if you do go?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 770
I have found them to be pretty boring. Having a good reason to leave early (work, or "exercise class" in the morning ) always work. As long as I make It obvious that I don't want to drink, and not that I can't drink, people get it. If I make it seem like I miss it and I do want to, ppl can tell and try to convince me to. Its all in my attitude
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Family get togethers, if I do go, and most times I don't as we're not close either, I only say hello for an hour or so and leave.
The last one I went to was my cousin's 21st birthday, so I really wanted to say hello and congratulate her, there was a meal which is always easier, I stayed for the cards/presents and then I left, everyone else headed to the bar, I excused myself with my cousin who was delighted I had made it and said there was no problem, I was home about 9pm.
Deciding whether going is worthwhile is the first thing, my cousin appreciated me being there, if it had been a general Xmas/New Years get together I tend to give those a miss, and when I do go I stay only briefly, if there's food great, but a collective bar crawl or sitting in someone's house surrounded by people drinking and talking, that's not for me anymore!!
The last one I went to was my cousin's 21st birthday, so I really wanted to say hello and congratulate her, there was a meal which is always easier, I stayed for the cards/presents and then I left, everyone else headed to the bar, I excused myself with my cousin who was delighted I had made it and said there was no problem, I was home about 9pm.
Deciding whether going is worthwhile is the first thing, my cousin appreciated me being there, if it had been a general Xmas/New Years get together I tend to give those a miss, and when I do go I stay only briefly, if there's food great, but a collective bar crawl or sitting in someone's house surrounded by people drinking and talking, that's not for me anymore!!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
I waited a long time til I went to things like that.
I figured I needed to build up some sober muscles before I throw myselkf in at the deep end again.
It was a good investment for my recovery - and there were always other parties, down the road a little when I knew nothing or no one could sway me
D
I figured I needed to build up some sober muscles before I throw myselkf in at the deep end again.
It was a good investment for my recovery - and there were always other parties, down the road a little when I knew nothing or no one could sway me
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 346
I got sober right before the holidays so I went to family get togethers where there was heavy drinking pretty early. And it was not fun. I had to focus more on not drinking than what was going on at the party.
Great suggestions on here so far.
If you do go, don't feel like you have to stay a long time.
Pop out as need be without guilt for doing so.
If you have a smartphone, keep SR on your browser and read in the bathroom.
Make sure you have lots of a non alcoholic option. Water definitely counts.
If children are around or other adults who don't/rarely drink hang around them. I have a heavy drinking family but there are a couple in mine.
Be 100% SURE you will not drink.
Great suggestions on here so far.
If you do go, don't feel like you have to stay a long time.
Pop out as need be without guilt for doing so.
If you have a smartphone, keep SR on your browser and read in the bathroom.
Make sure you have lots of a non alcoholic option. Water definitely counts.
If children are around or other adults who don't/rarely drink hang around them. I have a heavy drinking family but there are a couple in mine.
Be 100% SURE you will not drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I don't do drunk so if and when people start to get that way, I leave.
I don't mind if people imbibe and it doesn't bother me but I don't want to be around drunk people. My family knows I'm in recovery and definitely keep me stocked up with my favorites. Coffees, teas and a few Coca colas.
If I had to come here and ask, I would already know the answer and plan another day to see family.
I don't mind if people imbibe and it doesn't bother me but I don't want to be around drunk people. My family knows I'm in recovery and definitely keep me stocked up with my favorites. Coffees, teas and a few Coca colas.
If I had to come here and ask, I would already know the answer and plan another day to see family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 50
Yes, I decided to go. It was yesterday
I am not close to my family except my parents and siblings. I went to see them mainly. And I had promised I would help prepare the party.
I was in charge so...I couldn't drink. I played with the kids and talked with the people who weren't drinking.
I called my sponsor 2 times to let her know I was ok.
I actually had fun..never thought it would happen to me...sober and clean
I am not close to my family except my parents and siblings. I went to see them mainly. And I had promised I would help prepare the party.
I was in charge so...I couldn't drink. I played with the kids and talked with the people who weren't drinking.
I called my sponsor 2 times to let her know I was ok.
I actually had fun..never thought it would happen to me...sober and clean
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