Hello! Looking for a support buddy...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
Hello! Looking for a support buddy...
Hey folks. I'm a 30 year old engineer and I've probably been drinking off and on for 8 years now. I want more than anything to rid this completely from my life, and I realize I can't do it alone. So is anyone out there willing to be my buddy? All I'm really looking for is someone I can PM every day and say, hey, I made it through another day and didn't drink. Being accountable to someone makes a huge difference, I think. Plus maybe I could get a really good friend out of the deal! 
Anyway, thank you for having me.
Anyway, thank you for having me.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Read this Illuminate http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml?styleid=93
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
Haha, alright. Well for the sake of my recovery, I hope this thread becomes enormous. I'm someone who really enjoys writing, so I hope to write in here quite a bit.
I've been a drinker for a long time. Probably the biggest reason alcohol held such appeal for me was that I'm naturally a very quiet and reserved person. And there are some people who just aren't okay with that and think that I "need to break out of my shell" and all that nonsense. The simple fact of the matter is that I choose not to jump to conclusions. I choose to listen instead of talk. I choose to be supportive and nurturing however I can. But this leads to people taking advantage of my generosity, something that really irritates me.
But to bring this back around to drinking, I found that when I was drunk, all my inhibitions went away. I stopped listening to people, stopped sitting in the background, and became some new, obnoxious version of myself. And what's odd is that some folks liked that version of me better than the sober version of me. I can think of a girl I dated in college who I met at a party...I was drunk and acting silly, and she really dug that. But when we hung out and I was my normal sober self, she found me boring. And so, in the initial stages, I drank to make myself interesting.
I don't really believe that anymore, that I need to be drunk to be interesting. I would say that now I drink to deal with stress and anxiety, and over the years, I never learned how to deal with those things internally. I only figured out how to deal with it externally, by drinking. I've been having a bit of a rough time with my girlfriend but have been open about these things with her, and she's helped me realize that I drink because I have no real coping mechanisms other than trying to distract myself from my anxiety. I haven't told her this yet, but I love her. And I want to make her happy, but more importantly, I want to be happy myself. I realize fully that I should get sober for myself, not for her.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
I've been a drinker for a long time. Probably the biggest reason alcohol held such appeal for me was that I'm naturally a very quiet and reserved person. And there are some people who just aren't okay with that and think that I "need to break out of my shell" and all that nonsense. The simple fact of the matter is that I choose not to jump to conclusions. I choose to listen instead of talk. I choose to be supportive and nurturing however I can. But this leads to people taking advantage of my generosity, something that really irritates me.
But to bring this back around to drinking, I found that when I was drunk, all my inhibitions went away. I stopped listening to people, stopped sitting in the background, and became some new, obnoxious version of myself. And what's odd is that some folks liked that version of me better than the sober version of me. I can think of a girl I dated in college who I met at a party...I was drunk and acting silly, and she really dug that. But when we hung out and I was my normal sober self, she found me boring. And so, in the initial stages, I drank to make myself interesting.
I don't really believe that anymore, that I need to be drunk to be interesting. I would say that now I drink to deal with stress and anxiety, and over the years, I never learned how to deal with those things internally. I only figured out how to deal with it externally, by drinking. I've been having a bit of a rough time with my girlfriend but have been open about these things with her, and she's helped me realize that I drink because I have no real coping mechanisms other than trying to distract myself from my anxiety. I haven't told her this yet, but I love her. And I want to make her happy, but more importantly, I want to be happy myself. I realize fully that I should get sober for myself, not for her.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 479
Thank you for sharing that, illuminate. Hope to read more of your posts.
I can identify with using alcohol as a "coping mechanism," it's one of the worst ones out there, I think. Never solved a darn thing for me, and only increased my anxiety. I realized that I needed healthy coping mechanisms, and an overall healthy approach to living in general. Recognizing the problem for what it is is a great start!
I can identify with using alcohol as a "coping mechanism," it's one of the worst ones out there, I think. Never solved a darn thing for me, and only increased my anxiety. I realized that I needed healthy coping mechanisms, and an overall healthy approach to living in general. Recognizing the problem for what it is is a great start!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 1,629
Many of us check in daily on this thread.
24 Hour Recovery Connectionsl
24 Hour Recovery Connectionsl
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Minnetonka, MN
Posts: 155
Just checking in on day 4. Dealing with a lot of anxiety today...I never really learned how to cope with anxiety other than just drinking it away. I'm going to try and just clear my mind and take some time to just relax.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I think you're doing great and anxiety in the early days is really common.
Try to remember to breathe deeply and relax. Take deep breaths (belly breaths) through your mouth and then slowly exhale through your nose. If you do that a few times, you will calm yourself. Shallow breathing makes anxiety worse.
Try to remember to breathe deeply and relax. Take deep breaths (belly breaths) through your mouth and then slowly exhale through your nose. If you do that a few times, you will calm yourself. Shallow breathing makes anxiety worse.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
the anxiety can be pretty killer in the begining but it does get better. You sound like me to some degree though you sound a bit ahead of the game then i was. I still didnt really realize i had no coping skills at that point. it was later i realized my only coping skill was to drink and that I had better get some.
I'm always complaining I have no friends feel free to PM me if you wanna yell at someone.
I'm always complaining I have no friends feel free to PM me if you wanna yell at someone.
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