Sponsor issues
 

Hey family,

I've been struggling lately wondering if I should find a new sponsor. I hear in meetings all of the time people will talk about doing their 5th step and how they really connected with their sponsor by going through their inventories and when I did my 5th step with my sponsor she didn't say anything and I just didn't feel a connection at all. I've been feeling this way for a while--we don't really have much in common and I'm her first sponsee ever so she's figuring out how to do this too. I'm thinking I might want to start working with other women in addition to her to check it out but I don't want to hurt my sponsor's feelings. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks

I'm not in AA & have no experience to share, but I'm sure you'll find support here and in our 12 step forum iflyairplanes :)

D

Welcome to SR.

If you post this in the Alcoholism 12 step support forum,you will get more helpful feedback.

There are many long term sober people who post there.

Welcome!
Good in ya for feeling!
What ya type is telling me ya really want what the program has and even some of the promises are already materializing.
I don't know how it would have been if the man who heard my fifth step didn't talk abut his own experiences and also point out things I may have missed. But that didn't happen and he helped me tremendously. He's my sponsor today. A ***** at times, but only when he tells me what I need to hear!:lala
You are both at phases of recovery and development, but they are different phases.
It reads like it could very well be time to pray and listen. Ask for your next sponsor to be put in your path. Ask for guidance.. It reads to me like a new sponsor might be a good idea.
On hurting your sponsors feelings:
The only way her feelings will get hurt is by her allowing it to happen. IF it bothers her that you look for another sponsor, there is a solution for that.

I understand completely. I abandoned my first sponsor who I found out is in the program for social reasons and never went beyond step 3. It was a social lesson I was not ready for at 3 months sober. I should have told her it isn't working out and moved on. I just stopped calling her, avoided her eventually she became preoccupied in her own life and her phone was shut off. My biggest fear: hurting her feelings. I don't know what the point of me telling you this is. I guess to tell you my regrets, let her know you don't feel it's working out and find someone that works for you. You come first right now. If you are unhappy with your sponsor you need a better fit. Be selfish with this. Your life and sobriety depend on it. I was very jealous of people with good relationships with their sponsors for the past 8 months. I wanted growth. I wanted someone who would whip my butt into shape. I wanted someone that I could grow with. I prayed on it. I finally found a good fit. I believe a sponsor should be able to let you go with understanding and not hold a resentment. Again, I don't know. I chickened out on my first one. Meditate on this and ask for answers. I wish you luck!

Jennifer

In getting sober you have to be selfish sometimes. I had a friend of long standing stop seeing me because he wanted to get sober and I didn't. I understand why he did it.

You have to do what's right for you. Even if it means you hurt someone's feelings.

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

Great, you can figure it out together! The first time through the steps might be considered preparatory work, imo - for a lifetime of sobriety. A higher altitude view

In the future as more is revealed another 4 - 5 step can be done (for both of us :) ).

I always try to remember the program of AA is to cure the spiritual malady that we have. When we do a 3rd step we turn our will and our life over the care of God.......

If I have done that, then God (as I understand Him) has put this person in my life for a reason.

Wonder what it is?????

Talking with other friends in AA is great - but you should consider doing step work with one person or things become convoluted - at least they would for me.

Pray on it and whatever you decide speak to her from the heart. A program of rigorous honesty.........

Keep coming back!

I may be in the minority. That was probably how her fifth step was done. The purpose of the steps is to have a spiritual awakening .I think sometimes a sponsors job description gets lengthier than it should be. A sponsors job is to take you through the steps. I wouldn't switch just because you guys didn't form a connection. You can form good friendships with anyone in the rooms. That's part of the beauty of AA is their is a wide array of people to draw ESH from. Use them all, not just a sponsor. I would switch if I were in a situation where the sponsor didn't have what I wanted in their own life or hadn't worked the steps. Does she seem happy, free, and work the program outside of the rooms?

I'm agreeing w country girl....... this is all about you getting sober. I called a therapist who was highly recommended to me......for an appt......it took her two weeks to get back to me.........I could have been dead by then. I passed on her.

I think you need to let her know all this. Having a connection with our sponsors is important. I like my sponsor and we have a great connection and I think it is important when you work the steps. My sponsor keeps telling me that WHENEVER I feel like I want to stop working with her and try with someone else to let her know. She said she likes working with me but that she wants me to stay clean/sober no matter what. And if, to do so, I need a new sponsor she is ok with it.

Maybe you could talk to other people at meetings..see the way they work the steps..perhaps you will find a woman you really connect with :)