LilyMarie

Evil, evil thing that Alcoholic Voice is.
My weakest time of the day where I get the worst cravings is right as I leave work. I've been doing very well, but today it came out of nowhere and told me pretty much every lie in the book:

"Just get a half-pint. You'll be fine."
"Oh come on, you have how many sober days now? You deserve it, don't you?"
"It's *SUCH* a nice day. Wouldn't a little vodka + lemonade be SOOO GOOOOD?"
"You're lost a few pounds. Why not?!?!"



I ended up having to hop off the train a few stops early and walk HARD and FAST the rest of the way home.

I feel like my AV is completely separate from me. It ISN'T me. It isn't who I used to be before alcohol and it isn't me when sober.

What a mess.

Anyway, I'm home and reading SR and already in my PJs, even though it's only 5:15pm. I'm guaranteed to not leave the house for the rest of the evening!

Thanks for listening.

ownmybehavior

Good plan to change it up and walk it off.

I'm pushing through day 2 right now and my AV is screaming at me like a drill sergeant. It just started all of a sudden and I was surprised because it wasn't building all day like it normally does. If it doesn't give it a rest I'm gonna follow your example and have a 3 mile walk.

If only it weren't 95 degrees here in FLA. Guess I'll be sweating.

Keep up the good work and remember that you can do this.

OMB

Dee74

The more you deny that voice the weaker it get lilymarie.
Don't engage with it, try to tune it out.

I had some success with a technique called urge surfing:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

PurpleKnight

Great job on pushing through LilyMarie!!

It gets easier with time, hang in there!!

Nonsensical

Separating my addiction from my self is an essential element in my happy sober life.

Part of my brain is actively betraying me to get me to do what it wants - feed it more alcohol. That was tough to come to terms with.

I want to live a sober life. Any thoughts to the contrary aren't coming from me. They are coming from the liar living in my head.

least

Ignore it. It will get fainter with time. Pretty soon you won't hear it at all.

Soberwolf

You done good

LilyMarie

Thanks for the encouragement, all. Made it through yesterday and am so far having an easy time today.

biminiblue

Really well done, Lily

Serenidad

Hi Lily, i just wanted to say I totally related to your post! My AV is extremely loud sometimes too!!! The other day I had a huge craving and took out my journal and wrote down step by step all the horrible things that would happen if I drank. If you look at the last thread I started it may help the next time you get a craving b/c it helped me!

I also agree that it's like my AV is totally separate from me too! It's like an evil monster laughing as it tortures me and tells me lies!

I'm glad you got off the train and briskly walked and got your PJ's on! Great job!!! I'm also allowing myself to do things like that. I am doing whatever it takes to stay sober.

If I'm tired...I sleep
If I'm hungry....I eat
If I feel lazy....then I sit on my butt ;-)
If my house is a mess...oh well!
If crap doesn't get done immediately for a while...then it doesn't.

The only thing I know for sure is if I don't put my sobriety first...all that other stuff won't matter anyway because I'll be dead. :-(

With that being said....I have a LONG list of chores to do but I'm really tired so I'm gonna take a NAP! ;-) haha

Surrender2win

Hi Lily! Great job on ignoring the AV! My weakest time of the day was right after work too... forcing myself to drive past the gas station and head straight home. It does get a little easier with each passing day... Good luck on your journey

freshstart57

Please read the info at the 'rational recovery' website. It is ALL about the AV. You might find it very helpful.