Having an awful time, dreams of drinks again
 

Hello! It's been a little while since I've posted, but life has been, well, lousy. My father is being admitted to a hospice this week. Even that is actually the best-case scenario as the hospital is not sure they will be able to move him period and he might have to stay at the city hospital he's been in for over a week now. It's not like he is incoherent or anything, just his lungs are failing and he needs so much oxygen, not many facilities have the equipment. But I am hoping for the best that he is either able to be moved closer to home, or better yet, home.

My sobriety has not been in question, as I know as well as anyone that a drink right now would send me over the edge in terms of emotions. It makes it a very easy way to decline the few drinks I've been offered by friends and family during this incredibly difficult time. I am thankful for my 13 weeks (I think?) of sobriety so that I am able to be there for my family as much as I can.

I had a dream that involved taking a drink last night. As in others I've had, I don't realize what I'm doing until after I've had the drink. Don't remember much more than that, but it's the first drinking dream I've had in a while. Not surprised, I guess, what with all the stress and emotions coming up.

Sigh. This sucks. I never knew this could physically hurt so much, but it does. I just wasn't ready to be at this point.

I'm sorry your father is struggling. Well done staying sober. It's the only way. :hug:

Very sorry to hear about your father!! :hug:

Keep Truckin your doing great .. Keep Trucking on bud

I'm really sorry about your dad KT.

Like I've said before I chose not to attach any meaning to my drinking dreams.

I knew I was resolute in my recovery when I was awake and that was good enough for me. I did not relapse.

You're going through a pretty tough time tho with your dad - do you have support outside SR - people to talk to?

D

Thanks, everyone. Yes, Dee, I have lots of people to talk about. As far as drinking, I only have a couple, but they are good people and one of them (my husband) is always around and incredibly supportive. And I have a large family / friend group to reach out to regarding my dad. In fact, that's one of the burdens in a situation like this, there are so many people to call / calling for updates! It's extra exhausting, but luckily my husband and friends have been helpful getting the word around to the people that need to know.

I'm very lucky to have this time with my dad and I'm trying to take advantage of it. Doesn't make it hurt any less. Luckily I am far too emotional to even think about drinking, although when I poured him a small sip of whiskey yesterday, he couldn't finish it and it was very tempting to finish it for him. Luckily my mom asked for it, so I didn't have to worry. Close call, maybe, though.

Sorry to hear about your father, KeepTruckin. I lost my mother a year ago and am still not sure that I've totally faced up to it. I definitely regret drowning myself in a bottle at the time. Stay sober so you can be totally there for him and your family and yourself. It's the best decision you can make.

Keep us updated when you can. Sometimes just talking things out helps. There's a lot of great support and wisdom to be found here.