Reflecting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 46
Reflecting
16 days no alcohol and I'm hopeful to call tomorrow, day 17. Having a moment right now, today would've been the day I was supposed to move across country to live with my ex. We broke up a week after I stopped drinking, this was after I told him about my problem. A part of me knew for a long time before that it couldn't work bc he drinks, he also has a bar in his home :/
I don't know what's going on in my head right now, earlier today I ran two miles, ate real healthy, cleaned my apt...felt good. But then I sat down, AV kicked in but I'm not trying to hear it. Guess I just wish things were different between me and this guy. Wrote this post because I had an urge to contact him. For some reason, I have a feeling if I contacted him and our conversation was good or bad, I would want to drink for some reason. Good to "celebrate" and bad to "make myself feel better"...I just can't do it.
One thing I'm learning thru this process is that I have to take the good with the bad. I have good days and I can't always avoid the bad ones. S*** happens you know, and breakups suck. That's just what it is.
I don't know what's going on in my head right now, earlier today I ran two miles, ate real healthy, cleaned my apt...felt good. But then I sat down, AV kicked in but I'm not trying to hear it. Guess I just wish things were different between me and this guy. Wrote this post because I had an urge to contact him. For some reason, I have a feeling if I contacted him and our conversation was good or bad, I would want to drink for some reason. Good to "celebrate" and bad to "make myself feel better"...I just can't do it.
One thing I'm learning thru this process is that I have to take the good with the bad. I have good days and I can't always avoid the bad ones. S*** happens you know, and breakups suck. That's just what it is.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Costa Mesa, California
Posts: 35
Hi. I am sorry you are feeling bad. But you should feel so strong that you are not with him and 16 days sober. I am only 2 days sober and I am going through a really hard time with a decision about leaving my boyfriend who has a drinking problem, who lives about his favorite bar, where he would go every single day if he wasn't with me. How did you have the strength to break it off? I hope someday I can post that I've been sober 16 days and not with my alcoholic boyfriend any longer!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Congrats on day 16! And thank you so much for sharing your struggles with us. Sounds like you've made some tough but wise decisions over the last couple of weeks. Glad you decided to come on here and talk about it instead of deciding to take that first drink. Keep checking in every minute tonight if you have to. One of the great things about this place is it's open 24/7.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 46
Hi want2feelgood (and you will),
How did I do it? I cut all contact when it was said and done. No phone, email, social media, nothing. I needed time to think and I didn't want him to have access bc I'm still vulnerable.
It was hard overall bc and I always ignored the red flags. I realized before it had to be done that I used him for my sole source of happiness. That's what it comes down at the end of the day. And sometimes the picture of how we think it should be can mess up our judgements. And when you get sick and tired, I mean DISGUSTED with how things are going, trust me, you'll get out. You will end the cycle. With this guy I was waiting by the phone day in and day out for his text messages and phone calls...when I wasn't doing that, I was drinking. No bueno, I couldn't can't live another day like that. I also over extended myself to him, whatever I could do to make him stay. I even went as far to change my career plans just to align myself within his. Knew deep down inside it wasn't right but, at least Id have someone right? No. That's a horrible way to live, and I have plans to succeed. I knew I couldn't do that, thank God I didnt. Asked myself, if you had the perfect man, money in the bank, nice house, success...you know, the perfect life, right now, could you really enjoy it? Not at all bc I have work to do internally. And no man deserves to be with anyone who doesn't love themselves first. I don't even deserve that. You don't either. This solitude thing is hard to get used to but one day, I'll look back and be thankful.
Sounds like you have decisions to make, dig deep inside and own that strength that resides in you. Congrats on Day 2, I never got past day 3 but again, tomorrow is day 17. You can and will do this. Your life is precious and you depend on that.
To everyone else, thanks so much. I really mean that. Feel a lot better now.
How did I do it? I cut all contact when it was said and done. No phone, email, social media, nothing. I needed time to think and I didn't want him to have access bc I'm still vulnerable.
It was hard overall bc and I always ignored the red flags. I realized before it had to be done that I used him for my sole source of happiness. That's what it comes down at the end of the day. And sometimes the picture of how we think it should be can mess up our judgements. And when you get sick and tired, I mean DISGUSTED with how things are going, trust me, you'll get out. You will end the cycle. With this guy I was waiting by the phone day in and day out for his text messages and phone calls...when I wasn't doing that, I was drinking. No bueno, I couldn't can't live another day like that. I also over extended myself to him, whatever I could do to make him stay. I even went as far to change my career plans just to align myself within his. Knew deep down inside it wasn't right but, at least Id have someone right? No. That's a horrible way to live, and I have plans to succeed. I knew I couldn't do that, thank God I didnt. Asked myself, if you had the perfect man, money in the bank, nice house, success...you know, the perfect life, right now, could you really enjoy it? Not at all bc I have work to do internally. And no man deserves to be with anyone who doesn't love themselves first. I don't even deserve that. You don't either. This solitude thing is hard to get used to but one day, I'll look back and be thankful.
Sounds like you have decisions to make, dig deep inside and own that strength that resides in you. Congrats on Day 2, I never got past day 3 but again, tomorrow is day 17. You can and will do this. Your life is precious and you depend on that.
To everyone else, thanks so much. I really mean that. Feel a lot better now.
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