Relapsed & devastated
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 196
Snoozy: Thank you for being candid. I know its a dark time for you. Just as I know you will get past this. Please dig deep and find the resolve that you had 2 years ago. Remember those times. Your struggle has reminded me just how desperate I was when I first quit (about the same time as you) and how badly I do not want to be in that place again. It made me re-read my list. This is a struggle that we all face, but by you being honest, I have renewed my resolve that sobriety is an everyday exercise which must not be taken for granted. Thank you Snoozy. You are inspiring. I know we will be looking back on this slip together and celebrating your victory with a sigh of relief that you got over it. For now, just do another 24 my friend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Snoozy:
Don't look back. Don't look ahead. Just do it one day at a time. It gets easier. Gradually you sleep better, become more confident (but hopefully not overconfident). Never fall for that "one little drink won't hurt" scam. Your body scents it like an old racehorse and it's off to the races. And the track leads downward, ever more steeply.
W.
Don't look back. Don't look ahead. Just do it one day at a time. It gets easier. Gradually you sleep better, become more confident (but hopefully not overconfident). Never fall for that "one little drink won't hurt" scam. Your body scents it like an old racehorse and it's off to the races. And the track leads downward, ever more steeply.
W.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,374
Rooting for you, Snoozy! Just binged all these pages of posts (well, I skipped over quite a few, but read a few choice ones along with all of yours.) I can't wait to see how you put this behind you. I once was sober for 2.5 years and then let it go. Longest I've been sober since has only been a couple of months at a time. I'm right back there with you.
One person suggested going back to "day 1." No way would I do that, being in your shoes. If you have to, calculate the number of days you spent sober over the past 2 years and then put the number of days you've drank beside the other number, as in a ratio. That will give you empowerment to move forward. You are so far ahead of the game. Your AV is just playing with your head.
I'm sorry you feel that you can't spend time with your 2 sisters because of this being a problem area for you. I understand completely about feeling so left out in certain situations, always social ones. I hate to feel like I can't do something. Or that to do something that others are doing is wrong for me to do. It doesn't seem fair and I want to soothe myself. All the more reason to stay away from those situations altogether.
God bless you, sweetie. Truly hoping you rise above. I'm right behind you.
One person suggested going back to "day 1." No way would I do that, being in your shoes. If you have to, calculate the number of days you spent sober over the past 2 years and then put the number of days you've drank beside the other number, as in a ratio. That will give you empowerment to move forward. You are so far ahead of the game. Your AV is just playing with your head.
I'm sorry you feel that you can't spend time with your 2 sisters because of this being a problem area for you. I understand completely about feeling so left out in certain situations, always social ones. I hate to feel like I can't do something. Or that to do something that others are doing is wrong for me to do. It doesn't seem fair and I want to soothe myself. All the more reason to stay away from those situations altogether.
God bless you, sweetie. Truly hoping you rise above. I'm right behind you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 196
Originally Posted by Cissy 
One person suggested going back to "day 1." No way would I do that, being in your shoes. If you have to, calculate the number of days you spent sober over the past 2 years and then put the number of days you've drank beside the other number, as in a ratio. That will give you empowerment to move forward. You are so far ahead of the game. Your AV is just playing with your head.
God bless you, sweetie. Truly hoping you rise above. I'm right behind you.
God bless you, sweetie. Truly hoping you rise above. I'm right behind you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
You truly are the nicest people.
Well the good news is that I'm nearing the end of day 2 !
Only thanks to you guys . I have read & re read every single message post & have stopped feeling sorry for myself.
Which I have been.
If not for you Dee I would have have a drink .
Yesterday morning I opened that booklet you sent me and I read it over & over.
It just made SO much sense .
I stayed in bed ALL DAY to keep myself out of trouble.
Only thing is , I've upset my daughter as she wanted to see me , but obviously I couldn't let her see my like that.
I woke up , let the animals out , did what they made me do in rehab all those years ago & slept the day away.
Shaun has been given 2 days compassionate leave by my doctor to stay close .
This has really helped .
It's 2.14 in the afternoon & I shall again read Dees booklet & gather strength from it.
You know guys , I really feel strong today. I promise you all , I will NOT drink.
I have work tomorrow so that wil be my 3rd day , then work on Sunday.
My back is feeling a lot better too.
I have NO choice over what's happening with my granddaughter , so for the time being it is what it is.
You can't fix the things you can't change.
Another wise old chick ( croissant ) gave me the idea to get a journal & put all my feelings down for her.
I'll return to doing that every now & then now that I'm sober.
My head is clearer , I'm no longer in that awful fog.
This has been a hiccup , although not a little one , it could have gone badly , I could feel myself sinking lower every day..
I had 2 choices.
1: take the drink that will depress me so badly I would want to die , or die anyway from alcohol.
2: Or want to live & I'm healthier than I've been for a long time. Why do I need to sabotage that.
I dont just gave Ryleigh , I have , Mum , Dad , brothers , sisters , all of you guys , friends , animals , people who I love & love me in return.
I can't let someone else's decision ruin my life.
My boss is an arse , I can deal with that.
The people that really hurt you are the ones you love and vice versa.
I don't even really know what it all is .
But my doc was horrified when he asked me I'd I was keeping up my 100 mg of pristiq ! told him I've been doing alternate days for over 3 months as I felt it was adding to my liver problems.
Amazingly since I've done that , my liver has been mending.
He has since put me on 50 mg every day so I will be taking that religiously .
I love each and every one of you .
Thank you for all your Pms , your phone calls & your love.
I wish I could return it to each of you , I really do.
This is my chance guys and I'm so ready to do this.
I'll read Dees booklet again before I get up to strengthen my conviction.
At long last after all these years I actually DO have a plan .
Thanks very much everyone & I'm right behind you Dave , let's try to support each other cos we know it's not gonna be a picnic. I know I'm gonna have those days too.
I would rather live one day sober than a lifetime drunk ( I read that little gem somewhere once )
My July class , you all know who you are , thank you for everything .
Booklet , then coffee .
ee , I love you matey , once again thanks xx
*. 28. Philip Seymour Hoffman died of a drug overdose. He had been sober for several years but accepted a glass of champagne at a wrap party that caused him to completely relapse. **
Oh geez ...do I GET that :-/ poor bugga , that could be any single one of us here .
Life is precious & I want my share xxx
Suze , your phone calls have meant the world to me
Blessings
PS , I do believe I just wrote a novel !!!
Well the good news is that I'm nearing the end of day 2 !
Only thanks to you guys . I have read & re read every single message post & have stopped feeling sorry for myself.
Which I have been.
If not for you Dee I would have have a drink .
Yesterday morning I opened that booklet you sent me and I read it over & over.
It just made SO much sense .
I stayed in bed ALL DAY to keep myself out of trouble.
Only thing is , I've upset my daughter as she wanted to see me , but obviously I couldn't let her see my like that.
I woke up , let the animals out , did what they made me do in rehab all those years ago & slept the day away.
Shaun has been given 2 days compassionate leave by my doctor to stay close .
This has really helped .
It's 2.14 in the afternoon & I shall again read Dees booklet & gather strength from it.
You know guys , I really feel strong today. I promise you all , I will NOT drink.
I have work tomorrow so that wil be my 3rd day , then work on Sunday.
My back is feeling a lot better too.
I have NO choice over what's happening with my granddaughter , so for the time being it is what it is.
You can't fix the things you can't change.
Another wise old chick ( croissant ) gave me the idea to get a journal & put all my feelings down for her.
I'll return to doing that every now & then now that I'm sober.
My head is clearer , I'm no longer in that awful fog.
This has been a hiccup , although not a little one , it could have gone badly , I could feel myself sinking lower every day..
I had 2 choices.
1: take the drink that will depress me so badly I would want to die , or die anyway from alcohol.
2: Or want to live & I'm healthier than I've been for a long time. Why do I need to sabotage that.
I dont just gave Ryleigh , I have , Mum , Dad , brothers , sisters , all of you guys , friends , animals , people who I love & love me in return.
I can't let someone else's decision ruin my life.
My boss is an arse , I can deal with that.
The people that really hurt you are the ones you love and vice versa.
I don't even really know what it all is .
But my doc was horrified when he asked me I'd I was keeping up my 100 mg of pristiq ! told him I've been doing alternate days for over 3 months as I felt it was adding to my liver problems.
Amazingly since I've done that , my liver has been mending.
He has since put me on 50 mg every day so I will be taking that religiously .
I love each and every one of you .
Thank you for all your Pms , your phone calls & your love.
I wish I could return it to each of you , I really do.
This is my chance guys and I'm so ready to do this.
I'll read Dees booklet again before I get up to strengthen my conviction.
At long last after all these years I actually DO have a plan .
Thanks very much everyone & I'm right behind you Dave , let's try to support each other cos we know it's not gonna be a picnic. I know I'm gonna have those days too.
I would rather live one day sober than a lifetime drunk ( I read that little gem somewhere once )
My July class , you all know who you are , thank you for everything .
Booklet , then coffee .
ee , I love you matey , once again thanks xx*. 28. Philip Seymour Hoffman died of a drug overdose. He had been sober for several years but accepted a glass of champagne at a wrap party that caused him to completely relapse. **
Oh geez ...do I GET that :-/ poor bugga , that could be any single one of us here .
Life is precious & I want my share xxx
Suze , your phone calls have meant the world to me
Blessings
PS , I do believe I just wrote a novel !!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,496
I just feel so much better now that we've heard from you love....
So glad you are utilising all of this support, so glad you are on Day 2.
Proud of you my darling...sending more hugs.
♥
So glad you are utilising all of this support, so glad you are on Day 2.
Proud of you my darling...sending more hugs.
♥
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,914
I've been of of here (except on my phone checking in) for a little while so I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through! I saw you mention that you didn't want to cause anyone else to relapse by posting, but let me assure you that things like this help keep me sober! Remembering what a fight it is with those cravings, even if it was only 1 drink, really helps me remember why I'm doing this in the first place!
I'm so glad to hear you're doing better. You can get through this! You already have for a while, so you know it's possible.
As far as feeling left out... I know we can't choose our feelings, but I try and look at it as the people drinking being the ones left out. They don't know what they're missing on all those hung over mornings/days where I'm out experiencing life and they're feeling crappy and nowhere near 100%
Hang in there! I know you can do it!
I'm so glad to hear you're doing better. You can get through this! You already have for a while, so you know it's possible.
As far as feeling left out... I know we can't choose our feelings, but I try and look at it as the people drinking being the ones left out. They don't know what they're missing on all those hung over mornings/days where I'm out experiencing life and they're feeling crappy and nowhere near 100%
Hang in there! I know you can do it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Thanks everyone
Site1Q , I am so glad you said that!
I remember feeling that way too , remembering seeing people writing about the fight with the cravings & being glad it wasn't me .
Wanting to help that person get through that awful vulnerable time , so thanks for reminding me :-)
I think if we are truly honest with ourselves , other alcoholics can see it too.
If we BS , they see that too , so my way of thinking is that if I lied about having a relapse , I'm lying to myself.
If this insidious bad patch for me has helped just 1 person to be better off then that's fantatastic. I honestly can't say it's worth it , cos that would be a lie .
Every time I come here , no matter what day & still after 2 years , I learn something new . Thanks Site thanks all xx
Take care everyone & stay sober xxxxx
Much love
Site1Q , I am so glad you said that!
I remember feeling that way too , remembering seeing people writing about the fight with the cravings & being glad it wasn't me .
Wanting to help that person get through that awful vulnerable time , so thanks for reminding me :-)
I think if we are truly honest with ourselves , other alcoholics can see it too.
If we BS , they see that too , so my way of thinking is that if I lied about having a relapse , I'm lying to myself.
If this insidious bad patch for me has helped just 1 person to be better off then that's fantatastic. I honestly can't say it's worth it , cos that would be a lie .
Every time I come here , no matter what day & still after 2 years , I learn something new . Thanks Site
thanks all xx Take care everyone & stay sober xxxxx
Much love
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
That's great news, Snoozy. Keep the ball rolling. The choo choo on the track.You mentioned your concern about your granddaughter. And your boss. Best thing is if you can't change it, make it better, then get on with it. doesn't do any good banging your head against the wall. AV hooks on to that and tries to make it an excuse to get you to drink. Don't fall for that. Seems everyone has a granddaughter who's somewhat of a problem. That's the real world. Living in this modern world is sometimes like trying to roll back the sea. Gotta go with the flow. Good luck.
W.
W.
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