Some people have it easy...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Some people have it easy...
I don't know, but it irks me at times.
Take my older brothers. Both took the typical, conventional road. Married their high school sweet heart, went to college / university, settled into a good paying white collar job in the oil patch, never really left "home", pumped out a couple kids each, bought a nice house, couple vehicles, etc. That's the easy, typical, conventional path, right? It's kind of laid out for you already, and you just follow along.
Then there's me. The black sheep. Gay kid growing up in a small, homophobic oil patch town, don't even have grade 10 let alone a high school diploma. Not totally my fault though. Don't have grade 10 English because teacher was a b*tch who had a vendetta against my family thanks to my older brothers. Then grade 11 in Texas, grade 12 in the UK, neither of which the Canadian govt would accept.
Tried going back to night classes in adult school, but meh, never worked. I was busy... job, bills, friends, life, etc. Sitting around listening to some 55yo talk about Shakespeare quotes or basic algebra didn't seem like a productive use of my time.
Regardless, doesn't matter. I'm more than intelligent enough to make my own money. That's kinda my point though. Never got the nice, golden brick road to follow down to a good life, which it seems many others did. Again, take my brothers. They never really even tried. They just went with the flow, and found themselves with nice degrees, $200k+/year jobs, good wives and kids, etc.
For them, it was just point A to B, and they just went down that path. I don't get that luxury. I have to plot my own points, instead of having them already there for me, if that makes any sense.
I don't know. I'm drinking again, so bit lost, as per-usual.
Take my older brothers. Both took the typical, conventional road. Married their high school sweet heart, went to college / university, settled into a good paying white collar job in the oil patch, never really left "home", pumped out a couple kids each, bought a nice house, couple vehicles, etc. That's the easy, typical, conventional path, right? It's kind of laid out for you already, and you just follow along.
Then there's me. The black sheep. Gay kid growing up in a small, homophobic oil patch town, don't even have grade 10 let alone a high school diploma. Not totally my fault though. Don't have grade 10 English because teacher was a b*tch who had a vendetta against my family thanks to my older brothers. Then grade 11 in Texas, grade 12 in the UK, neither of which the Canadian govt would accept.
Tried going back to night classes in adult school, but meh, never worked. I was busy... job, bills, friends, life, etc. Sitting around listening to some 55yo talk about Shakespeare quotes or basic algebra didn't seem like a productive use of my time.
Regardless, doesn't matter. I'm more than intelligent enough to make my own money. That's kinda my point though. Never got the nice, golden brick road to follow down to a good life, which it seems many others did. Again, take my brothers. They never really even tried. They just went with the flow, and found themselves with nice degrees, $200k+/year jobs, good wives and kids, etc.
For them, it was just point A to B, and they just went down that path. I don't get that luxury. I have to plot my own points, instead of having them already there for me, if that makes any sense.
I don't know. I'm drinking again, so bit lost, as per-usual.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I try not to compare myself with others. There will always be those who seem to "have it easy". But I never know what goes on in their lives. It's pointless to dwell on it. They may have problems I can't see.
If you're drinking again that will contribute to your feeling hopeless.
If you're drinking again that will contribute to your feeling hopeless.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Holyoke, MA
Posts: 156
Hi! I'm sure your brothers worked hard for what they have, just like you will have to work hard to gain YOUR success!! I'm sorry that you're drinking again, take it day by day!! I have faith in you, you definitely sound like an intelligent person who I think is just being a bit too hard on yourself! Glad you're here for the support, Lord knows plenty of SR peeps have been here for me!! Plenty of support and encouragement here. Good luck to you!! xxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
It's fruitless to compare yourself to others. I am sorry you've struggled. Your brothers may seem to have it easy but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Some people who look like they have perfect lives are horribly unhappy inside. It's something I am always working on, especially when I'm around friends who have seemingly "perfect" families and money.
Hang in there. Your path is your own. You're living your truth, and that's what matters. xo
Hang in there. Your path is your own. You're living your truth, and that's what matters. xo
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Holyoke, MA
Posts: 156
Readerbaby, it's so true what you said!! Many of my friends and family thought I was happy when that couldn't have been further from the truth! I was in a miserable funk that I thought I could never get out of!! ...but here I am!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Don't let yourself go down that path. Drinking usually takes people there. I would have personal pity parties and envision that everyone else had it together except me. Buncha crap. No one has a perfect life. Everyone has problems. Best not to dwell too much.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Great advice in here, Troy. We all get dealt different hands. Letting the past define you today is counterproductive and selling yourself short. You can't change a single thing that has happened. I'm a water under the bridge person by nature. It's too stressful and complicated worrying about things you can't do anything about. I try to spend my energy on improving my life today. I was the same way even with my bad habits. It really helps.
I used to compare myself to others a lot. As I got older I realized that life is too short to worry about that. We all end up in the same place regardless.
I used to compare myself to others a lot. As I got older I realized that life is too short to worry about that. We all end up in the same place regardless.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Stop drinking and take control of your own life. Comparing yourself to your brothers lives will get you nowhere fast, because you are not them, you are you. What happened in the past is done, you can be in control of your life if you just stop blaming every circumstance for your misfortune. You can do it! Everyone has the power to become as successful as they want to be. It may seem like your brothers had it easy, but I'm sure they've had their fair share of obstacles to overcome.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Great advice above, I know that many people would look at me from the outside and think "She has everything together, and has an easy life." While I am blessed to have a great family, and a job that I love, there are many things nobody from the outside can see and I am the only one who can work on the issues/problems that I have.
I have been making a list of five things I am grateful for each time I feel down or stressed, it really helps to shift my mindset.
Glad you are here.:-)
I have been making a list of five things I am grateful for each time I feel down or stressed, it really helps to shift my mindset.
Glad you are here.:-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
In my mind I may not think im like
anyone else in my family, friends,
coworkers, etc. But in my sober mind,
I believe there was a purpose for me
down the road.
My journey in life with many changes,
winding roads, straight aways, ups and
downs, rollercoaster rides, I have been
sculpted and molded into the person
I am meant to me.
There is no one like me and there will
never ever be another me in this world.
To think about it, it's pretty cool.
My purpose in life was to become
sober, live a recovery life and pass
on my own ESH - experiences, strengths
and hopes of what my life was and is
like before, during and after alcohol
to others still sick or struggling with
addiction.
This purpose in life has given me joy,
humility, gratefulness, a sense of belonging
and acceptance in this world of so many
people. Just one little soul spreading
recovery like so many others doing the
same thing.
I never have to feel alone or struggle
by myself because I feel like I belong
to a wonderful group of folks just like
or similar to me.
anyone else in my family, friends,
coworkers, etc. But in my sober mind,
I believe there was a purpose for me
down the road.
My journey in life with many changes,
winding roads, straight aways, ups and
downs, rollercoaster rides, I have been
sculpted and molded into the person
I am meant to me.
There is no one like me and there will
never ever be another me in this world.
To think about it, it's pretty cool.
My purpose in life was to become
sober, live a recovery life and pass
on my own ESH - experiences, strengths
and hopes of what my life was and is
like before, during and after alcohol
to others still sick or struggling with
addiction.
This purpose in life has given me joy,
humility, gratefulness, a sense of belonging
and acceptance in this world of so many
people. Just one little soul spreading
recovery like so many others doing the
same thing.
I never have to feel alone or struggle
by myself because I feel like I belong
to a wonderful group of folks just like
or similar to me.
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
Troy, recommit to becoming sober, and just take it one day at a time.
Don't focus on others, put all your energy into achieving your goal. I know you can do this.
i have started and stopped too, so I know how you feel. Tomorrow is a new day; hang in there.
Wish you all the luck in the world.
Ring
Don't focus on others, put all your energy into achieving your goal. I know you can do this.
i have started and stopped too, so I know how you feel. Tomorrow is a new day; hang in there.
Wish you all the luck in the world.
Ring
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
my very dear friend from jr high "seems" to have that golden life....she met and married her husband back in 1983, they have a lovely hunk of property, she raises and shows chows, has horses, he makes scads of $$, they have traveled the globe and are still very much in love.
she was also recently diagnosed with a very rare but very aggressive cancer, had a full hysterectomy and is now undergoing a long grueling course of chemo in HOPES that they can keep the cancer from KILLING her. there is still a 20% chance of recurrence, and if it does come back, the outlook is dismal. we are the same age, 55. I work in cancer research and our GYN statistician had never even HEARD of this form of cancer.
so does her magical life still look that great? have you any idea how hard they worked for EVERYTHING they have? or that she lost both parents in the past few years? that she never took anything in her life for granted?
sober up and get busy making your OWN life wonderful. and be grateful for every damn day above ground.
she was also recently diagnosed with a very rare but very aggressive cancer, had a full hysterectomy and is now undergoing a long grueling course of chemo in HOPES that they can keep the cancer from KILLING her. there is still a 20% chance of recurrence, and if it does come back, the outlook is dismal. we are the same age, 55. I work in cancer research and our GYN statistician had never even HEARD of this form of cancer.
so does her magical life still look that great? have you any idea how hard they worked for EVERYTHING they have? or that she lost both parents in the past few years? that she never took anything in her life for granted?
sober up and get busy making your OWN life wonderful. and be grateful for every damn day above ground.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Perspective is a funny thing.
I reckon others may look at you and envy your life Troy.
They might say look at that young guy living it up in Asia, does what he wants, has time to lay around and drink, barely needs to work.....
I did a lot of compare and contrast. It was always pointless because it wasn't constructive, It kept me drinking.
I think we all have a responsibility to do the best with our lives. To me that's the point.
D
I reckon others may look at you and envy your life Troy.
They might say look at that young guy living it up in Asia, does what he wants, has time to lay around and drink, barely needs to work.....
I did a lot of compare and contrast. It was always pointless because it wasn't constructive, It kept me drinking.
I think we all have a responsibility to do the best with our lives. To me that's the point.
D
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
It took me awhile to understand I was more if a volunteer than a victim. I made choices and decisions that got me to where my path is today - good and bad.
I'm not saying that we are to blame for all circumstances but there comes a point I simply have to accept where I am today.
I was bitter for many years I never completed college. Young marriage - kids, bills etc. I had to drop out and work.
A few years ago I was displaced from a well paying job and debt mounted. I drank all the time to "cope".
Last June I'd had enough. I quit drinking - finished my college degree (in my mid 50's) and started another cottage/small business.
I may never make what I once did - but I won't look back and be a victim.
I take stock today on what I have ( love, beauty - sobriety and faith) and don't fret over what might have been.
I'm not underground yet
Keep fighting the good fight Troy!!!
You can make a difference in Simone's life - that's the gift my friend
I'm not saying that we are to blame for all circumstances but there comes a point I simply have to accept where I am today.
I was bitter for many years I never completed college. Young marriage - kids, bills etc. I had to drop out and work.
A few years ago I was displaced from a well paying job and debt mounted. I drank all the time to "cope".
Last June I'd had enough. I quit drinking - finished my college degree (in my mid 50's) and started another cottage/small business.
I may never make what I once did - but I won't look back and be a victim.
I take stock today on what I have ( love, beauty - sobriety and faith) and don't fret over what might have been.
I'm not underground yet
Keep fighting the good fight Troy!!!
You can make a difference in Simone's life - that's the gift my friend
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I think all of us have different circumstances, different personal challenges to overcome.
Acknowledging that you feel the odds were against is healthy. But in the now moment, the only odd against you is the bottle. If the pebble in your shoe, someone wise once said. The mountain is yours to climb. And when you sit in top, take the time to watch the view.
Rock on
Acknowledging that you feel the odds were against is healthy. But in the now moment, the only odd against you is the bottle. If the pebble in your shoe, someone wise once said. The mountain is yours to climb. And when you sit in top, take the time to watch the view.
Rock on
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