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Old 06-15-2015, 05:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Nearly lost everything


I've been on here before vowing to change my ways but I am well & truly needing to get completely off alcohol. There is no way I can ever moderate. Been there, tried, do something stupid. I am absolutely ashamed of myself! I am ruining everything. I was ready to be told on the weekend to leave my home, leave my husband and kids, but Ive been given another chance, I don't know how he's managed to put up with it for so long. I was so scared that I lost everything and I never want that again. I love my family too much. Alcohol will not take that all away from me! It makes me such a horrible person. Its not just my family I nearly lost, I've upset alot of people and I'm burying my head in the sand at the moment. I have alot of making up to do. I'm going to turn my life around, alcohol has never has been for me - it helps with anxiety & depression temporarily but then it starts turning me into a really nasty person. I wish I never started. I wish I just accepted that I was the quiet girl. I had alot more friends and respect back then!!
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome back. Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life. You're gonna love it!
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
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The best way of making up with your family is not drinking and building a solid program of recovery.

What plans have you made for detox and management so that you don't drink again?

You can do this--I also got nastier the longer I drank and I'm a very nice person sober.
My husband was angry at my drunken actions too, and the only think that rebuilt his trust was my daily sobriety,
but the good news is that it worked and I am much happier sober than I ever was drinking.
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:10 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Glad you posted. Sounds like you had enough, time to make a solid plan a stick to it?
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:24 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Glad you are back! You can do this though it is critical that you have a strong plan. Get whatever help you need. I'd suggest considering the following in addition to SR:

1. Go see your doc about best way to detox and any other info he/she can give you
2. Consider inpatient or outpatient rehab. I did the latter and it was a lifesaver
3. Consider some kind of f2f meetings such as AA, SMART recovery, etc. f2f can be an amazing way to connect, get support and be accountable. Although I generally don't like groups and was shy and had some things that held me back, AA is a good program if you can find a reasonably compatible group. Best advice I ever got was to "take what you need and leave the rest" - you don't need to agree with everything in order to get significant benefits.

This isn't a walk in the park but you can do this, you are worth it and you will feel so much better!

Good luck.
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:25 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Rebuild your life one day at a time through sobriety. We are always here for you when times get rough.
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome back! Do you have a recovery plan in mind? Something to help you get sober for good? There's lots of support here too.
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Old 06-15-2015, 06:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi and good to see you getting honest with yourself about your drinking and where it's leading.

" I wish I never started. I wish I just accepted that I was the quiet girl. I had alot more friends and respect back then!!"

This can return when we get some sober time together. It helped me to “remember when,”
Along with the fact that if I don’t have that first drink I won’t have to TRY to get sober AGAIN. Relapses are very difficult to recover from for many reasons which I never want to experience again.

BE WELL
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I CAME FOR MY DRINKING AND STAYED FOR MY THINKING.

WE ARE NOT FAILING AS LONG AS WE KEEP TRYING.

WHAT I USED TO CALL BOREDOM I NOW CALL SERENITY.
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Old 06-15-2015, 07:28 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Welcome back, missunhappy. Good news is you never have to feel this way again. First step is don't take that first drink no matter what. As long as you don't take the first one, you can't take the second or third or tenth.

Set yourself a plan for what you're going to do different this time, for what you're going to do when thoughts of drinking enter your mind. Posting and getting involved here on SR has been a vital part of my recovery so far. Hope to see you post often!
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Old 06-15-2015, 02:52 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome back!! You can do this!!
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Old 06-27-2015, 02:45 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Hiya all... thanks for your messages, I've done it on my own & I'm on day 12

I have been so disgusted with my last drinking stint that it has been a matter of remembering the shame I felt, and one that could have cost me my family, to stop me from drinking. I have literally been frightened into getting sober, and I actually feel glad I did, and feel blessed to be given another chance.

I've been around people drinking pretty much everyday too, I feel like I have so much more willpower this time round.

I have found it sooo much easier than previous attempts.

I have had one time where I found it a little tricky, that was yesterday, for only a short moment I was around company who were talking about what antics they were going to be getting up to and I felt a little bit "boring". But it soon passed and its been quite pleasurable waking up feeling fresh as a daisy and knowing they all got into a right mess, vomit, arguments, the lot...nice, huh?

I'm having a horrible time with sleeping which is getting me down. Does anyone have any advice?

About 4/5 days in my bloating got really bad, and my weight went up very dramatically (water retention?) & also my face broke out in the worst acne!

Now my skins mucccch better, bloating is going down and I have lost the "bloating weight" plus some! did anyone else lose weight? I hope I lose more! (In both my pregnancies I weighed less after their births where I hadn't had alcohol!)

All in all I'm loving it and want this feeling to carry on

Hope all is well!
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Old 06-27-2015, 04:20 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Congrats on day 12!

Sleeping difficulty is very common in the early days but should get better. There are a number of links to info about those early issues. Someone will likely be along to give you that info.
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Old 06-27-2015, 04:53 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Well done on your 12 days.

My skin has improved dramatically, and I am just at 4 months. It took some time though. I used to have awful red face/nose and now I have a rosy glow. I do still use a concealer - I like to use a BB cream for red face (it is green) and that just smooths everything out. I also used to have badly chapped/dry lips and now they are great. Obviously, alcohol dehydrates and causes so much skin damage.

I have lost some weight despite eating sugar/chocolate as if my life depended on it (and to some extent it did because it helped me not drink). I now feel I have the strength to tackle the crazy eating and I hope that one of the benefits will be additional weight loss.

All of these things take time.

CF
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Old 06-27-2015, 04:55 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Congrats on 12 days!!

The first two weeks I slept terribly! After that it was a little better for about a week, and since then it's been fantastic. My face broke out as well, I think my body was just trying to get rid of all the toxins. Much better now! Losing weight as well. I believe it's around 6 weeks for your liver to be able to process fat normally, so the longer you go the better your weight will likely get.
I'm also exercising more, now that I actually have some energy!

Hang in there, it will get better. I'm only somewhere in the 40 day range (lost count) and just everything has gotten better, including less cravings.


If your last binge is helping you stay sober, I suggest writing it down along with the symptoms you're experiencing. Then when you want to drink, you can go back and read it and it may help you stay sober.
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Old 06-27-2015, 05:21 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Congrats on day 12. Lots of good advise here... make sure you have a plan. I would also be careful on surrounding yourself with people who do a lot of drinking early on. You need to give yourself the best chance to get through the early days. I had to limit who I hung around with and didn't go to places that would trigger my AV any more than usual.

Your sleeping patterns should get better as time goes on. It's just your body's way of adjusting.

Great job on 12 days! Keep up the good work.
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Old 06-27-2015, 05:43 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Concern, if you are trying to quit drinking why are you around people that are drinking. Sobriety is more about changing than not drinking. We simply can not lead the life we did before. We have to create a new non drinking life
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