Addicted in secret
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Wa
Posts: 93
Addicted in secret
I drink a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine every night and no one in my family has a clue. I am a product of alcoholism on both sides of my family and know for certain I have a problem. I'm 40 with 4 children and a 20 year marriage and have been struggling alone for about two years. I have admitted to my husband (who has never drunk a drop) that once I have a drink I can't stop until I am drunk and he replied "at least you figured it out before you drank every night". But I do drink every night and my family has no idea. I am terrified!!! The most I've managed is 2 weeks sobriety. Then I fall. Lately it is two days at most.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Faker,
Welcome to SR! I was unbelievably scared when I first arrived here. The key for me was the realization that getting alcohol out of my life and stopping for good had to be priority #1. Alcohol had to go. Leave. Scoot. Gone. It is the best option and totally possible!
There is so much support here. It is unbelievable. Let everyone help you on your path to a truer you.
Here is a "Best of" thread that you may appreciate reading:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Welcome to SR! I was unbelievably scared when I first arrived here. The key for me was the realization that getting alcohol out of my life and stopping for good had to be priority #1. Alcohol had to go. Leave. Scoot. Gone. It is the best option and totally possible!
There is so much support here. It is unbelievable. Let everyone help you on your path to a truer you.
Here is a "Best of" thread that you may appreciate reading:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome. You've found a great place for support.
I'm different from in that I never hid my drinking. In the end years I was an every day drinking, full blown alcoholic and any one who knew me knew it.
I did try and hide my drinking at one time. I put the cans and bottles in different dumpsters so the trash men wouldn't know I was a drunk.
I rotated liquor stores so the clerks wouldn't know I was a drunk.
But, in the end I stopped fighting it and just didn't care who knew. And when I got sober, they all knew. The clerks and friends and family.
You've made a big step by coming here and admitting you may have a problem.
Boy, did it take me a long time to do that. But once I did, I could take action. And that's what I did.
Maybe you can, too? Many of us find AA helpful. here are other programs people use.
Coming here helps me greatly.
What it came down to is I couldn't get sober sitting on the couch. I needed help. and I found it.
I hope you do, too. It's great to have you here, and I hope you stick around.
There are ways out of drinking.
Best to you.
I'm different from in that I never hid my drinking. In the end years I was an every day drinking, full blown alcoholic and any one who knew me knew it.
I did try and hide my drinking at one time. I put the cans and bottles in different dumpsters so the trash men wouldn't know I was a drunk.
I rotated liquor stores so the clerks wouldn't know I was a drunk.
But, in the end I stopped fighting it and just didn't care who knew. And when I got sober, they all knew. The clerks and friends and family.
You've made a big step by coming here and admitting you may have a problem.
Boy, did it take me a long time to do that. But once I did, I could take action. And that's what I did.
Maybe you can, too? Many of us find AA helpful. here are other programs people use.
Coming here helps me greatly.
What it came down to is I couldn't get sober sitting on the couch. I needed help. and I found it.
I hope you do, too. It's great to have you here, and I hope you stick around.
There are ways out of drinking.
Best to you.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
My drinking became a secret too. I'm newly sober and despite having a lot of day ones, this is the first time it's stuck.
Please don't be ashamed or feel bad about yourself. You're here and you can recover :-) definitely look into different support programmes too and don't do this alone
Please don't be ashamed or feel bad about yourself. You're here and you can recover :-) definitely look into different support programmes too and don't do this alone
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 773
Hi Faker,
I would look at this from the lighter side and be happy that you are not here with a story of problems that make your life even worse, you only need to deal with addiction problems, not legal issues (like myself) dwi, problems at work, accidental death and more. I totally understand the concept that with drinking, some felt good, more felt better, and better yet.. please try to get out before you have even more serious problems, sobriety feels so much better than booze, I know, i drank for 45 years and stopped in three days. take care, dan
I would look at this from the lighter side and be happy that you are not here with a story of problems that make your life even worse, you only need to deal with addiction problems, not legal issues (like myself) dwi, problems at work, accidental death and more. I totally understand the concept that with drinking, some felt good, more felt better, and better yet.. please try to get out before you have even more serious problems, sobriety feels so much better than booze, I know, i drank for 45 years and stopped in three days. take care, dan
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Welcome Faker! I think most or all of us alcoholics lie both to ourselves and others. I, too, was a "closet" drinker off and on for many years. I didn't drive while drinking, only drank at home. Terrified that people would find out. Once you've been sober a bit longer, I think you'll find that the lying stops. You'll also start feeling much better. It's a process and a good one!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Welcome Faker,
well done for posting and asking for help. I doubt there are any feelings or secret shames that you would post here and not find somebody who understands. Lots of us have done the lying and hiding, but thankfully find we want to live a better way and try for it.
Good luck to you
xx
well done for posting and asking for help. I doubt there are any feelings or secret shames that you would post here and not find somebody who understands. Lots of us have done the lying and hiding, but thankfully find we want to live a better way and try for it.
Good luck to you
xx
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Welcome
We are only as sick as our secrets. I had to get honest with myself and a few select loved ones I could trust. Suffering the shame, guilt, and lies in silence will only cause you to drink more.
For me I found healing in AA where I found people who understood and had a solution
We are only as sick as our secrets. I had to get honest with myself and a few select loved ones I could trust. Suffering the shame, guilt, and lies in silence will only cause you to drink more.
For me I found healing in AA where I found people who understood and had a solution
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,908
Welcome to SR, faker. Your honesty here is a great first step in building some accountability to yourself and others.
I highly suggest joining the Class of June 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.
Hope you'll check in with us often!
I highly suggest joining the Class of June 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.
Hope you'll check in with us often!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: rockville
Posts: 126
Welcome, Faker!
What you see as a burden of guilt and shame (hiding and drinking alone), can be viewed as a positive in your quest for sobriety. Most importantly, your husband doesn't drink. That's a huge plus! My wife and I were perfect enablers for many years. During our quit previous attempts we were never on the same page and one of us (usually me) would lead us right back to the danger zone.
Trying to quit with a drinking partner adds an extra layer of difficulty. Not that many folks don't succeed. Just that the dynamic is more difficult. But in your case that outside influence is absent. My wife and I finally drew the line together nearly a month ago and it has been a huge help for me remaining strong against the strong grip that 10+ years of daily heavy drinking has caused.
This forum is a great place to help break the habit. You can do this. Anyone can do this. But it requires a strong will and determination. There are no shortcuts. Paying the price of breaking the back on the habit is something we all go through (and continue to go through). Early stages are definitely one day at a time for sure. Try drawing the line and building from there. You said you've made it 2 weeks in the past. That's pretty huge and also close to breaking the back of the really strong pull towards drinking again.
I also have 4 kids. They love the non drinking me. Dad is always clear minded at night now and never self absorbed feeding his addiction. I spend my evenings doing things with my kids now as opposed to "getting right with the bottle". The pleasure and satisfaction of that is helping build a strong wall against wanting to go back to the old me. You can find happiness and satisfaction. You have a 5 person support group at home that don't even need to ever know. Fill your time with their company and post here often when feeling weak.
Figure out a plan. I knew my witching hour began around 6pm and lasted strong until 9pm. I changed my schedule and stayed busy during those hours every night. It really helped.
Good luck!
What you see as a burden of guilt and shame (hiding and drinking alone), can be viewed as a positive in your quest for sobriety. Most importantly, your husband doesn't drink. That's a huge plus! My wife and I were perfect enablers for many years. During our quit previous attempts we were never on the same page and one of us (usually me) would lead us right back to the danger zone.
Trying to quit with a drinking partner adds an extra layer of difficulty. Not that many folks don't succeed. Just that the dynamic is more difficult. But in your case that outside influence is absent. My wife and I finally drew the line together nearly a month ago and it has been a huge help for me remaining strong against the strong grip that 10+ years of daily heavy drinking has caused.
This forum is a great place to help break the habit. You can do this. Anyone can do this. But it requires a strong will and determination. There are no shortcuts. Paying the price of breaking the back on the habit is something we all go through (and continue to go through). Early stages are definitely one day at a time for sure. Try drawing the line and building from there. You said you've made it 2 weeks in the past. That's pretty huge and also close to breaking the back of the really strong pull towards drinking again.
I also have 4 kids. They love the non drinking me. Dad is always clear minded at night now and never self absorbed feeding his addiction. I spend my evenings doing things with my kids now as opposed to "getting right with the bottle". The pleasure and satisfaction of that is helping build a strong wall against wanting to go back to the old me. You can find happiness and satisfaction. You have a 5 person support group at home that don't even need to ever know. Fill your time with their company and post here often when feeling weak.
Figure out a plan. I knew my witching hour began around 6pm and lasted strong until 9pm. I changed my schedule and stayed busy during those hours every night. It really helped.
Good luck!
Formerly Ringthedoorbell
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 402
Hello Faker and welcome to SR.
My story is a bit like yours, except my husband is a drinker.
He always knew and approved of my drinking, (liked his drinking buddy I guess..) but he didn't know how much I was drinking. I was very sneaky. I always found it hard to have just one glass of wine, I'd usually wind up drinking the whole bottle.
Having said that, I am now 7 days sober (WOO HOO!). Which is a milestone for me.
Bottom line, if I can do this, I KNOW you can too. The support here at SR is amazing, and not the least bit judgemental if you slip up and have to start again on day one (which I did.)
You can do it. Read and post a lot, it helps me immensely.
Best of luck to you and I am so glad you are here with us!
Ring
My story is a bit like yours, except my husband is a drinker.
He always knew and approved of my drinking, (liked his drinking buddy I guess..) but he didn't know how much I was drinking. I was very sneaky. I always found it hard to have just one glass of wine, I'd usually wind up drinking the whole bottle.
Having said that, I am now 7 days sober (WOO HOO!). Which is a milestone for me.
Bottom line, if I can do this, I KNOW you can too. The support here at SR is amazing, and not the least bit judgemental if you slip up and have to start again on day one (which I did.)
You can do it. Read and post a lot, it helps me immensely.
Best of luck to you and I am so glad you are here with us!
Ring
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Hello and welcome to SR. You are never alone here, as long as you stay connected and post often, you will find a lot of support. I am 55 days sober today and I was a secret drinker. It was a horrible way to live, but I feel so much better mentally and physically now. I am proud of myself, and coming clean to my husband was a huge stepping stone, and he is my rock solid supporter. You can do it, just don't have that first drink, because you know you can't stop, and you will be stuck on the same sad song if you do. Do take care!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Faker, welcome to SR. I was a daily wine and beer drinker. I isolated at home because I didn't want people to see me drink as much as I wanted to drink. I thought my kids didn't know. They were 7 and 4 when I first stopped. But they sure noticed a new more involved Mom when I stopped.
You can do it. Saying it out loud that you have a problem and need help is so powerful. Don't be ashamed. You've done something huge for yourself.
You can do it. Saying it out loud that you have a problem and need help is so powerful. Don't be ashamed. You've done something huge for yourself.
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
Originally Posted by Verte 
Hi Faker,
Welcome to SR! I was unbelievably scared when I first arrived here. The key for me was the realization that getting alcohol out of my life and stopping for good had to be priority #1. Alcohol had to go. Leave. Scoot. Gone. It is the best option and totally possible!
There is so much support here. It is unbelievable. Let everyone help you on your path to a truer you.
Here is a "Best of" thread that you may appreciate reading:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Welcome to SR! I was unbelievably scared when I first arrived here. The key for me was the realization that getting alcohol out of my life and stopping for good had to be priority #1. Alcohol had to go. Leave. Scoot. Gone. It is the best option and totally possible!
There is so much support here. It is unbelievable. Let everyone help you on your path to a truer you.
Here is a "Best of" thread that you may appreciate reading:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Wa
Posts: 93
I'm sitting in my car alone right now waiting for an appointment and bawling. Thank you all so much for writing back and giving me encouragement and support. Today is the first 24 hours and I feel for the first time that I can actually do this! I love the idea of knowing my witching hour and keeping busy during those times. I also really appreciate all of you who posted the positive things to look at. The fact that my husband doesn't drink, the fact that I don't have awful repercussions (like DUI or loss of relationships) other than the addiction. I can stop this now before it gets worse. I feel like my secret is finally out now that I shared it with you and since it is out I can now deal with it. Today I will join the June 2015 class and keep logged in so that I don't have to feel alone in this. Bless you all!
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