Is My Marriage Over?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: NEWTOWNABBEY
Posts: 3
Is My Marriage Over?
Hi, I am a 48 year old female, married with 4 children who all live at home. I have not been on this forum before but I am struggling with my relationship with my husband and wondered if anyone else is going through something similar. We were drinking buddies all our marriage (24 years) and I got sober 4 years ago. He is now sober 10 months, and our marriage is very rocky. My sponsor thinks he is jealous of my recovery and I do a lot of service in AA but to me he is just being plain nasty, blaming stress for all the horrible things he says to me. We never had a smooth relationship but I feel I am taking this personally which I know I shouldn't. Probably a bit of codependence on my part which I am trying to work on, but at the minute I feel like walking away which I can't do because of the kids. Help?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi and Welcome and congratulations on your recovery.
I wonder if your husband is still finding his way in recovery? Have you have a heartfelt talk with him about the things he says to you? Counselling or therapy could be helpful.
I wonder if your husband is still finding his way in recovery? Have you have a heartfelt talk with him about the things he says to you? Counselling or therapy could be helpful.
I would also recommend counseling. I hope you find some peace in your life. 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Lolo, Hi Welcome to SR!!
I think you need to post this in the Friends and Family Forum. You are in the Alcoholic forum for advise on your own drinking. If you are looking for advice on a family members drinking, that would be the best place to post.
I know that you participate in AA, but have you ever thought about attending an alanon meeting? These are wonderful meetings for dealing with an alcoholic. They can offer you suggestions on how to disengage with an angry, sober A. There will be a lot of helpful hints on how to deal with him.
Hugs my friend!
I think you need to post this in the Friends and Family Forum. You are in the Alcoholic forum for advise on your own drinking. If you are looking for advice on a family members drinking, that would be the best place to post.
I know that you participate in AA, but have you ever thought about attending an alanon meeting? These are wonderful meetings for dealing with an alcoholic. They can offer you suggestions on how to disengage with an angry, sober A. There will be a lot of helpful hints on how to deal with him.
Hugs my friend!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: NEWTOWNABBEY
Posts: 3
Thanks everyone. Maybe we do need marriage counselling. We both find it hard to step down but I have learned to do it by using the 12 step program. He is just starting the program with a sponsor so maybe I am over reacting a bit (lot). Just feel so alone sometimes. He says the kids don't want anything to do with him but he doesn't make any effort and they walk on eggshells around him. Will post this on friends and family to see if any advice there. Did go to Al-Anon while he was drinking heavily but seemed to be out every night which isn't very good for the kids.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Lolo. Welcome to SR. I'm sober and my husband is still drinking but I'd say maybe give it some time to see how things shake out. He's just getting his sober legs. It may take time to relate in healthier ways than the ways you would relate while one or both of you were still drinking. I can see where things go haywire in my own relationship and where my old coping mechanisms creep in. Maybe with his sponsor and step work, and counseling, things will get easier. Good to meet you
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