thomas11

Yesterday I posted some concerns I have, I received a few responses that irritated me. Frankly, I was kind of pissed off. Anyway, I've given it some thought. I realize that I need a thicker skin, and not to react in a knee jerk fashion. To be clear, I am not the type that will just roll over and accept having shots taken at me (I'm not saying that's what occurred yesterday).

Ultimately I will not quit SR because the benefits far outweigh the negatives I received, or more accurately perceived.

I have little to offer other than encouragement and support to others. I have no golden wisdom, but I enjoy offering encouragement and support. It makes me feel good and hopefully it helps someone here or there.

So yes, I was mad, but there are so many great people here and so many people struggling as well as so many success stories, I would an idiot to remove myself from all of the perspective and information I garner from this "family" of people. Jeff

CaseyW

thomas11, I am glad you decided to stay.

Congrats on your good decision and for your sobriety today!

Saskia

Glad you are staying, Thomas. In my experience here, people are amazingly supportive. Sometimes perceptions differ. I like the AA saying "take what you want and leave the rest". I take that to mean that we won't agree with everyone so we need to determine what fits for us. Best wishes!

PurpleKnight

You can do this Jeff!! Never give up, many here want to see you make it!!

Soberintexas007

Hi Thomas,
Glad that you decided to stay. As you said, it can be very beneficial to your own recovery to help other people, especially newcomers. When we help and support other people, we get out of our own thinking which can be quite self destructive. Good luck!

Dee74

I think it's a good move to stick around, Jeff

D

Soberwolf

Dont know what happened but glad your staying bud

Venecia

Live in the solution, Jeff.

EndGameNYC

Getting the help I needed was my last good chance to live a better life. Nothing less would do. That included allowing people to observe back to me my self-defeating behaviors and my less-than-sober thinking. I didn't need a thicker skin, just a willingness to learn.

Stay close.

thomas11

There is something I want to clear up but in the end it is inconsequential. I think some folks think that I hurt myself when I was wasted and tumbled down a flight of stairs like an idiot. That's not what happened.
I heard my phone ringing downstairs in the laundry room and thought it might be my wife so I was racing down the stairs (split level house). When I got to about the second or third stair from the bottom my heel slipped off the edge of the stair. I think we've all done it, I know I have. Its slips off the edge and you go boom boom boom boom, until you end up on your butt. Well, since I was near the bottom my foot slipped down two stairs and hit the tile. I had my tennis shoes on and when it did hit the tile it "stuck", that's when the right one went (patella tendon ruptured). I tried saving myself by reaching for the handrail and using my left leg for support and it bent all weirdly and tore my quad tendon from the bone. 5 seconds, double whammy. Did the army crawl to get my phone and dial 911, did another army crawl up the stairs to open the door and wait for the EMT's. Yes, I was drunk and as I said, I am not minimizing that. But I did not in a drunken stupor just go ass over tea kettle all the way down the stairs. If I posted this previously I apologize.

ps. day 18, feeling pretty darn good. Weekend were my nemesis and I'm feeling great. Hope all is well with everyone.

ScottFromWI

There is really no need to explain how your accident happened, and nothing to apologize for. Being true to yourself about your alcohol issues is important though...and we are here to help you on that journey.

Dee74

I agree with Scott, Jeff - there's no need to justify yourself to anyone else.

Having said that...I was a little surprised when you said it wasn't due to alcohol tho, I must admit.

I know myself that even if I was not drunk, my reactions were way slow, and my judgement was not the best.

this was even true when I was not drinking at all.
A lot of my accidents came when I was coming off a bender.

I'm not saying that I disbelieve you, or that I don't accept your assessment, or that I want you to admit anything.

we all have different perspectives.

I'm just saying that, from this distance, I can see more clearly now that alcohol and my addiction was clearly a factor in a lot of my mishaps, which is ironic as hell cos I sure put a lot of energy into denying alcohol's part when those things happened.

D

thomas11

Dee, I was embarrassed and ashamed and my defense mechanism was to deny it was due to alcohol and that it was an accident. It was an accident...due to alcohol. Didn't someone once say, The truth will set you free? Well, there you have it.

Dee74

I think it will mate

I wasn't trying to be prosecuting counsel though Jeff.

It was a really important thing for me to look back and to realise that truth, that's all

D

Venecia

Yep, just good to get it all out and then move forward.

I had a couple bumps and bruises in the bad old days. But there are 16 steps to my upstairs. I can only attribute the absence of any bad falls then to sheer luck.

Boy, I sure don't miss those days.

Glad to hear you've hit 18 days, Jeff. Keep that number climbing up!

lighter

I think most of us have had accidents due to alcohol. We're Alcoholics. If we could drank sensibly we'd be normal.

Congratulations on your 18 days.

thomas11

Oh I know Dee, you've always been incredibly supportive and kind. As long as were on the subject, I thought quite seriously today about not drinking anymore. Since I've gotten out of the hospital and obviously remained sober, things have improved in almost every aspect of my life. Wife and immediate family are very supportive, they tell me I'm a completely different person and they really enjoy talking with me (they must be, they all call me every frickin day). My business has picked up and I'm landing about 90% of the jobs I submit bids for. Its usually about 50-60%. Minuscule tasks that used to drive me nuts and that I would put off forever are now getting done without the frustration I would usually have. When I feel emotions they feel genuine. Whether it be anger, happiness or humor, I experience them the way they are supposed to be felt. This is all quite new to me, and pleasant. Thus, I was thinking that maybe I should just keep this going. As I've stated before, I am a never say never kind of guy, but I just can't deny the way things have been going lately.

FreeOwl

People are individuals.... Sometimes, in any setting, individual differences will lead to frustration.

Remembering that it's individual perspectives and viewpoints that make up the world and make it unique can help.

Recognizing that we have our own individual ability to choose our reaction to the views and actions of others is also helpful.

The bottom line is that we are all here to help one another - and ourselves - stay sober and live better, deeper, more joyful lives.

Keeping that in mind is really useful to me when I find another's opinions or statements rubbing me wrong.

sg1970

^^^^ This is how it works and it only gets better. Keep it up!

Hawkeye13

I found the improvement professional and personally to be huge as well Jeff--

The more sober time I accumulated, the better I did at work and my "mental life"
at home felt natural and real for the first time in many years.

I also began sleeping well and feeling more positive and less paranoid overall.
I never expected so many benefits--I thought life without alcohol would be a sterile desert at best, but it is my personal lush oasis now