the truth
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the truth
Lets face it, your on your own. You can reach out to AA. SR or other programs but at the end of the day, you are left to your own devices to stay sober. All these programs are great for support but can only do so much. I believe recovery comes from what a person does outside these programs. I'm drinking now because I depended on these programs too much. Not having family or friends to support me, I have to depend on myself for strength. No self-pity here, just reality. I've managed to overcome problems in the past on my own so I know I can do the same thing with drinking, although I've realized it's a lot tougher than other challenges. I was raised to be a survivor. I can live on very little if I have to. No problem. Depending on self is key to survival. I see a lot of people depend on others' to get by only to end up disappointed and lost.
Addiction is a lonely disease. For those that have family or friends to support them, you are lucky and I hope you know that. For others like me, it's really a crap shoot. It really doesn't affect anybody if I drink or die. It really doesn't, and I did it to myself. Staying sober just for me sometimes doesn't make sense. Staying drunk for me does sometimes. John
Addiction is a lonely disease. For those that have family or friends to support them, you are lucky and I hope you know that. For others like me, it's really a crap shoot. It really doesn't affect anybody if I drink or die. It really doesn't, and I did it to myself. Staying sober just for me sometimes doesn't make sense. Staying drunk for me does sometimes. John
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I'm drinking now because I depended on these programs too much.
I think you're drinking , at least partly, because you've convinced yourself you need a specific set of circumstances to get sober.
There is no end of support here, and it's 24/7.
I know you crave real personal interaction and I get that - but drinking is not going to bring that possibility closer - it's actually going to push it farther away.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 24,208
That is really morose - understandable, since that's what alcohol makes us believe.
Sad, though.
I have no family and the friends I do have are drinkers, so I can't really rely on them for sobriety support. I have no significant other. I don't drink. There are times I think about it - but I don't want to go back to that sad place in my mind that alcohol takes me. It really causes nothing but darkness and a loneliness that cannot be cured in a room full of people.
I do think this site can help you if you let it...let us.
Get out of your own head and do something to change your situation. Yes. You have to save your own life. We all do.
Sad, though.
I have no family and the friends I do have are drinkers, so I can't really rely on them for sobriety support. I have no significant other. I don't drink. There are times I think about it - but I don't want to go back to that sad place in my mind that alcohol takes me. It really causes nothing but darkness and a loneliness that cannot be cured in a room full of people.
I do think this site can help you if you let it...let us.
Get out of your own head and do something to change your situation. Yes. You have to save your own life. We all do.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
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but at the end of the day, you are left to your own devices to stay sober.
I believe if you can sustain a period of sobriety and develop relationships that don't involve alcohol you will 1) find support and 2) have people who do care if you drink or die. But that takes time.
Of course, you have all of us here at SR, and I'm sure many people here do care if you drink or die and are more than willing to offer support. I understand this medium isn't quite the same as face-to-face relationships, but in life we often have to work with the hand we've been dealt. Personally, I've always enjoyed the challenge of attempting to build something with the parts I have available.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
Lets face it, your on your own. You can reach out to AA. SR or other programs but at the end of the day, you are left to your own devices to stay sober. All these programs are great for support but can only do so much. I believe recovery comes from what a person does outside these programs. I'm drinking now because I depended on these programs too much. Not having family or friends to support me, I have to depend on myself for strength. No self-pity here, just reality. I've managed to overcome problems in the past on my own so I know I can do the same thing with drinking, although I've realized it's a lot tougher than other challenges. I was raised to be a survivor. I can live on very little if I have to. No problem. Depending on self is key to survival. I see a lot of people depend on others' to get by only to end up disappointed and lost.
Addiction is a lonely disease. For those that have family or friends to support them, you are lucky and I hope you know that. For others like me, it's really a crap shoot. It really doesn't affect anybody if I drink or die. It really doesn't, and I did it to myself. Staying sober just for me sometimes doesn't make sense. Staying drunk for me does sometimes. John
Addiction is a lonely disease. For those that have family or friends to support them, you are lucky and I hope you know that. For others like me, it's really a crap shoot. It really doesn't affect anybody if I drink or die. It really doesn't, and I did it to myself. Staying sober just for me sometimes doesn't make sense. Staying drunk for me does sometimes. John
Active addiction and alcoholism is lonely.
Recovery isn't. If I choose it not to be.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Sorry to hear your are drinking again 2much. I agree with you that it takes some personal responsibility to remain sober, but relying on a recovery program or outside help is essential too. You matter to all of us here, and many here are also alone and staying sober. Don't is being alone as an excuse.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I don't think this is true John.
I think you're drinking , at least partly, because you've convinced yourself you need a specific set of circumstances to get sober.
There is no end of support here, and it's 24/7.
I know you crave real personal interaction and I get that - but drinking is not going to bring that possibility closer - it's actually going to push it farther away.
D
I think you're drinking , at least partly, because you've convinced yourself you need a specific set of circumstances to get sober.
There is no end of support here, and it's 24/7.
I know you crave real personal interaction and I get that - but drinking is not going to bring that possibility closer - it's actually going to push it farther away.
D
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,712
I know very well what you mean John - I was there for years.
I'm not speaking hypothetically or from some ivory tower when I write to you.
I hated myself - but I resented the world for not holding me to its bosom too
There was a strange mixture of loathing and arrogance there.
I think looking back I put out a vibe that wasn't a reflection of the true me. I'd forgotten who the true me was.
so instead I put that this strange 'come here go away' vibe that reflected the mess I was in then.
The only way I found I could rediscover the real me was not to drink and do whatever else I had to to keep my self sober.
After a while the vibe I put out must have changed too, because once I learned to love myself again, other people came along to tell me how much they loved me too
Drinking is not helping you take care of your feelings. I think you know that as much as I did.
It's just the only thing you feel prepared to do right now. ...
You need to stop this cycle John because it's not getting you anywhere and it's not helping you deal with anything.
D
I'm not speaking hypothetically or from some ivory tower when I write to you.
I hated myself - but I resented the world for not holding me to its bosom too
There was a strange mixture of loathing and arrogance there.
I think looking back I put out a vibe that wasn't a reflection of the true me. I'd forgotten who the true me was.
so instead I put that this strange 'come here go away' vibe that reflected the mess I was in then.
The only way I found I could rediscover the real me was not to drink and do whatever else I had to to keep my self sober.
After a while the vibe I put out must have changed too, because once I learned to love myself again, other people came along to tell me how much they loved me too
Drinking is not helping you take care of your feelings. I think you know that as much as I did.
It's just the only thing you feel prepared to do right now. ...
You need to stop this cycle John because it's not getting you anywhere and it's not helping you deal with anything.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Frankly, the sooner I die the better. I'm just done with this. I won't do anything to make this happen, but it would be a blessing if it happens today. I'm sick of living this way. Please, someone knock on my door or call. This is just pathetic. Just want this to end, and move on to a better place. All I want is a sincere hug, a how's it going and mean it, etc. Someone to actually take the time to sit and LISTEN TO ME without judgement. I just want to be liked. Maybe the afterlife will be kinder. Couldn't be worse than this.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I know very well what you mean John - I was there for years.
I'm not speaking hypothetically or from some ivory tower when I write to you.
I hated myself - but I resented the world for not holding me to its bosom too
There was a strange mixture of loathing and arrogance there.
I think looking back I put out a vibe that wasn't a reflection of the true me. I'd forgotten who the true me was.
so instead I put that this strange 'come here go away' vibe that reflected the mess I was in then.
The only way I found I could rediscover the real me was not to drink and do whatever else I had to to keep my self sober.
After a while the vibe I put out must have changed too, because once I learned to love myself again, other people came along to tell me how much they loved me too
Drinking is not helping you take care of your feelings. I think you know that as much as I did.
It's just the only thing you feel prepared to do right now. ...
You need to stop this cycle John because it's not getting you anywhere and it's not helping you deal with anything.
D
I'm not speaking hypothetically or from some ivory tower when I write to you.
I hated myself - but I resented the world for not holding me to its bosom too
There was a strange mixture of loathing and arrogance there.
I think looking back I put out a vibe that wasn't a reflection of the true me. I'd forgotten who the true me was.
so instead I put that this strange 'come here go away' vibe that reflected the mess I was in then.
The only way I found I could rediscover the real me was not to drink and do whatever else I had to to keep my self sober.
After a while the vibe I put out must have changed too, because once I learned to love myself again, other people came along to tell me how much they loved me too
Drinking is not helping you take care of your feelings. I think you know that as much as I did.
It's just the only thing you feel prepared to do right now. ...
You need to stop this cycle John because it's not getting you anywhere and it's not helping you deal with anything.
D
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
I find this heartbreaking and I truly wish I could give you a hug and listen to you. Dee is not lying....what you are looking for truly does come with sobriety. There is a sense of peace. I was very much like you. Just don't give up, ok?
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Originally Posted by 2muchpain
And I want to die as soon as possible. I'm done with this. if there is a just god, he'll take me now,
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Midwest US
Posts: 157
Come on bud, don't let the alcohol take you to that negative place. You are one of my favorite members here. I always enjoy your wisdom and encouragement.
When I see you are online I am happy and excited to see what you have posted.
Please call for help if you need it tonight. You deserve so much! I look forward to your posts tomorrow.
Much love!
JJ
When I see you are online I am happy and excited to see what you have posted.
Please call for help if you need it tonight. You deserve so much! I look forward to your posts tomorrow.
Much love!
JJ
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,712
If you feel like you are a real danger to yourself right now please do read this link and take note of the crisis numbers, John:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
I hope you'll decide to stop drinking again soon.
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
I hope you'll decide to stop drinking again soon.
D
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Lets face it, your on your own. You can reach out to AA. SR or other programs but at the end of the day, you are left to your own devices to stay sober. All these programs are great for support but can only do so much. I believe recovery comes from what a person does outside these programs. I'm drinking now because I depended on these programs too much. Not having family or friends to support me, I have to depend on myself for strength. No self-pity here, just reality. I've managed to overcome problems in the past on my own so I know I can do the same thing with drinking, although I've realized it's a lot tougher than other challenges. I was raised to be a survivor. I can live on very little if I have to. No problem. Depending on self is key to survival. I see a lot of people depend on others' to get by only to end up disappointed and lost.
Addiction is a lonely disease. For those that have family or friends to support them, you are lucky and I hope you know that. For others like me, it's really a crap shoot. It really doesn't affect anybody if I drink or die. It really doesn't, and I did it to myself. Staying sober just for me sometimes doesn't make sense. Staying drunk for me does sometimes. John
Addiction is a lonely disease. For those that have family or friends to support them, you are lucky and I hope you know that. For others like me, it's really a crap shoot. It really doesn't affect anybody if I drink or die. It really doesn't, and I did it to myself. Staying sober just for me sometimes doesn't make sense. Staying drunk for me does sometimes. John
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I don't want anybody to think I am promoting drinking as a way to deal with your problems. I don't, and I know it only makes things worse. But sadly, it does make things go away for a while. I know that when I wake up, all the problems I had before are still there so I don't know why I bother to do this, but sometimes, it just seems to make sense in a way. It's a relief to forget for a while, but the price for that short term relief is enormous. Being alone is so painful. I don't know how to describe it. It hurts a lot. A broken leg hurts a lot. Back pain is tough. This kind of pain hurts all over and never ends. Drinking is like putting an ice-pack on my head. Like I said before, I won't end my life on purpose but I do wish something would happen to end this pain. I've had a good life. I'm ready to go. Enough is enough. John
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