the truth
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
I don't feel lonely as much as just feeling alone. I actually like my own company. Unfortunately others don't seem to agree. I know the problem is with me, not others. I think my frustration has to do with not knowing why this is the way it is. If someone would just tell me, than I could work on it. I think I'm a pretty friendly person, willing to help others, etc., but that doesn't seem to make any difference. Just don't get it. Hard to work on a problem when you don't know what the problem is.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 24,208
I am glad you're back this morning.
The drink is doing this.
Maybe you could buy a book or go to the library and check out a book on making friends. There is an art to it, and it doesn't work if you just sit by the phone, LOL. Even finding a hobby will do it. What do you like to do? Cars? Woodworking? Bird watching? Dog training? Find a volunteer position or join a club that suits your interests. You have to get out amongst people and do it on a regular basis.
If you want someone to call you, start calling people.
If you want someone to knock on your door and ask how you are, start knocking on doors and visiting with people.
The "anyway" prayer comes to mind:
(The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta ~ )
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
~this version is credited to Mother Teresa
The drink is doing this.
Maybe you could buy a book or go to the library and check out a book on making friends. There is an art to it, and it doesn't work if you just sit by the phone, LOL. Even finding a hobby will do it. What do you like to do? Cars? Woodworking? Bird watching? Dog training? Find a volunteer position or join a club that suits your interests. You have to get out amongst people and do it on a regular basis.
If you want someone to call you, start calling people.
If you want someone to knock on your door and ask how you are, start knocking on doors and visiting with people.
The "anyway" prayer comes to mind:
(The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta ~ )
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
~this version is credited to Mother Teresa
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Originally Posted by biminiblue
I am glad you're back this morning.
The drink is doing this.
Maybe you could buy a book or go to the library and check out a book on making friends. There is an art to it, and it doesn't work if you just sit by the phone, LOL. Even finding a hobby will do it. What do you like to do? Cars? Woodworking? Bird watching? Dog training? Find a volunteer position or join a club that suits your interests. You have to get out amongst people and do it on a regular basis.
If you want someone to call you, start calling people.
If you want someone to knock on your door and ask how you are, start knocking on doors and visiting with people.
The "anyway" prayer comes to mind:
(The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta ~ )
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
~this version is credited to Mother Teresa
The drink is doing this.
Maybe you could buy a book or go to the library and check out a book on making friends. There is an art to it, and it doesn't work if you just sit by the phone, LOL. Even finding a hobby will do it. What do you like to do? Cars? Woodworking? Bird watching? Dog training? Find a volunteer position or join a club that suits your interests. You have to get out amongst people and do it on a regular basis.
If you want someone to call you, start calling people.
If you want someone to knock on your door and ask how you are, start knocking on doors and visiting with people.
The "anyway" prayer comes to mind:
(The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta ~ )
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
~this version is credited to Mother Teresa
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'm so sorry you are feeling so alone, John. I really get it. Even though I'm married, I get this feeling. And I very much understand that survivalist attitude, and the origination of that attitude. Or, at least, my own version of it.
I just want you to know that you aren't "alone" in the sense that others do relate and get where you are coming from.
Your posts brought tears to my eyes.
I hope you don't give up, and I hope you keep trying... and maybe you'll find what you are looking for. Drinking is the dead end rut that's going to stall any hope. And you know that. We all know that, at least, the ones of us who've managed to quit do.
Just want you to know that physical aloneness is only one kind of aloneness, not that you don't already know this
- we (and I am) are with you in spirit.
I just want you to know that you aren't "alone" in the sense that others do relate and get where you are coming from.
Your posts brought tears to my eyes.
I hope you don't give up, and I hope you keep trying... and maybe you'll find what you are looking for. Drinking is the dead end rut that's going to stall any hope. And you know that. We all know that, at least, the ones of us who've managed to quit do.
Just want you to know that physical aloneness is only one kind of aloneness, not that you don't already know this
- we (and I am) are with you in spirit.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,581
Hi John
I hope you are feeling better today and that you are sober and got rid of your booze. Drinking made me feel suicidal too.
I like Biminiblue's suggestion to do volunteer work. There is actually a site which can help match your interests with local non profit needing volunteers
VolunteerMatch - Where Volunteering Begins
I have volunteered for years now at a local food bank and I firmly believe that it is one of the things which kept me from hitting a very hard bottom when it comes to my drinking.
Volunteering is a good way to make friends and also to be of service to the community. It also fosters an attitude of gratitude:
How can I feel sorry for not having much money after spending a morning bagging food for folks who not only cannot afford food but are also sick/old and home bound too.
Puts things right in perspective.
Anyway, I hope you ll decide to quit for good.
I hope you are feeling better today and that you are sober and got rid of your booze. Drinking made me feel suicidal too.
I like Biminiblue's suggestion to do volunteer work. There is actually a site which can help match your interests with local non profit needing volunteers
VolunteerMatch - Where Volunteering Begins
I have volunteered for years now at a local food bank and I firmly believe that it is one of the things which kept me from hitting a very hard bottom when it comes to my drinking.
Volunteering is a good way to make friends and also to be of service to the community. It also fosters an attitude of gratitude:
How can I feel sorry for not having much money after spending a morning bagging food for folks who not only cannot afford food but are also sick/old and home bound too.
Puts things right in perspective.
Anyway, I hope you ll decide to quit for good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Again, thanks for all your support. Knowing people out there helps a lot. Unfortunately all you people would probably care less about me if you knew me based on how things go at the meetings I go to, but that's ok. Having virtual friends is better than none. Being a good and caring person just doesn't seem to be enough, but that's just the way it is. The irony of the meeting I go to is YANA, meaning you are not alone. What they don't know is how much I could contribute to the club. I would do anything to be a part of this group but I guess they are not looking for recruits. I have offered this and that, but keep being turned down. But that's ok. I get a lot out of the meetings, so I keep going.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,955
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Unfortunately all you people would probably care less about me if you knew me based on how things go at the meetings I go to, but that's ok.
Lot's of good advice on this thread. Recovery takes change and action. Here's another aspect of your life you can change if you take action. People are by nature friendly, I believe. If there aren't friendly to you, take a serious, objective look at your behaviors and attitudes.
Here's wishing you luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: southeastern USA
Posts: 309
John--reading that you are feeling a little bit better today has made my day! I was concerned reading what you wrote last night and seeing that you are back on here today still fighting gives me great joy. You are one of my reasons to stay sober today.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,581
Not sure where you are at but have you tried to find another home group?
Maybe something smaller and not in a club house? Club houses tend to be clickish (I don't care much for that kind of "culture" and it is easy to get lost in a big meeting.
Just a suggestion because I know it is not that easy for everyone: I m in a big urban area so I have many options it might be more difficult in other places.
Maybe something smaller and not in a club house? Club houses tend to be clickish (I don't care much for that kind of "culture" and it is easy to get lost in a big meeting.
Just a suggestion because I know it is not that easy for everyone: I m in a big urban area so I have many options it might be more difficult in other places.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,678
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Thanks guys for all your support. I really wasn't expecting it. Figured I'd get a few responses and that was it. I think the problem I had with a guy at an AA meeting the other day kinda triggered this (not putting down AA).
I don't feel lonely as much as just feeling alone. I actually like my own company. Unfortunately others don't seem to agree. I know the problem is with me, not others. I think my frustration has to do with not knowing why this is the way it is. If someone would just tell me, than I could work on it. I think I'm a pretty friendly person, willing to help others, etc., but that doesn't seem to make any difference. Just don't get it. Hard to work on a problem when you don't know what the problem is. Sometimes, I feel like standing up in a meeting and say something like what is it about me that turns people off. It's not like I'm rude or bother anybody. Anyways, I know things will get better and this is just a bump in the road. I'm making plans on getting out and doing stuff, and that should help. It just would be nice to have someone else to do that stuff with. Lets face it, you can only talk to yourself so much before it gets boring. LOL. John
I don't feel lonely as much as just feeling alone. I actually like my own company. Unfortunately others don't seem to agree. I know the problem is with me, not others. I think my frustration has to do with not knowing why this is the way it is. If someone would just tell me, than I could work on it. I think I'm a pretty friendly person, willing to help others, etc., but that doesn't seem to make any difference. Just don't get it. Hard to work on a problem when you don't know what the problem is. Sometimes, I feel like standing up in a meeting and say something like what is it about me that turns people off. It's not like I'm rude or bother anybody. Anyways, I know things will get better and this is just a bump in the road. I'm making plans on getting out and doing stuff, and that should help. It just would be nice to have someone else to do that stuff with. Lets face it, you can only talk to yourself so much before it gets boring. LOL. John
When I was much younger, and then when I was drinking, I craved the company of other people, but wasn't certain about how to go about getting it. I was much more interested in validation from other people than I was in creating a relationship with them. When I was drinking, I repelled many more people than I attracted. After a time, both the most comforting and the most reprehensible response I got was pity which, as it so often does, turned to indifference. What was wrong with me?
When we don't learn or never had an opportunity to learn what's referred to as "social skills," we may as well be blind when it comes to our transactions with other people. Either we try too hard to get the attention and care we want, or we send conflicting and often contradictory messages, without even knowing it. The outcome is often what you've described, a kind of "learned helplessness" that's founded in the degrading belief that no matter what I do, nothing gets better, nothing makes a difference. Not really, though. What I can do is find a way to make a difference in my own life. Appeals to helplessness are more or less the background noise that comes from despair, and they only reflect a familiar reality that has consumes us, rather than what can actually be. No one moves forward by repeating the suffering of the past.
In sobriety, I've come to learn some of the things I can do to put people off, but not all of them. How can I not know these things? Am I not the best judge of who I am? I've learned to contribute to and to sustain my relationships by holding up my part of the bargain which, in large part, is to offer the honesty of my feelings in a way that is not harmful. And when it's more work than otherwise, I've learned to re-assess, and then sometimes detach. There is often a whimsical element in interpersonal relationships that defies reason, that indefinable and elusive "chemistry" that exists between two people. It's never a simple one-to-one relationship in which I contribute X, and therefore the other person should do Y.
I do believe that you're the way that you've described yourself, a "nice guy," "helpful" and all the rest. But that's rarely enough to create a meaningful relationship with someone else. I think you're at a point where something else needs to be tried. Therapy, and especially group therapy, may provide some realistic information about how others perceive you and respond to you. I know from experience that living in a vacuum encourages distorted thinking about ourselves and other people. As a result, we often behave in ways that confirm our distortions, only strengthening our conviction that we are hopeless and that other people are uncaring.
You're framing the most familiar and the most destructive way of being for you in your life as all that there is for you. Empty, alone, despairing...There is no prize at the end of this black-and-white rainbow. You need to do something different, and discover how it is that you communicate to other people that you'd rather be left alone than otherwise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
You don't like yourself, it seems. People pick up on that. You say you are making an effort in meeting people, but if you come across as unlikable--and unconsciously maybe you do--it makes it difficult.
Lot's of good advice on this thread. Recovery takes change and action. Here's another aspect of your life you can change if you take action. People are by nature friendly, I believe. If there aren't friendly to you, take a serious, objective look at your behaviors and attitudes.
Here's wishing you luck.
Lot's of good advice on this thread. Recovery takes change and action. Here's another aspect of your life you can change if you take action. People are by nature friendly, I believe. If there aren't friendly to you, take a serious, objective look at your behaviors and attitudes.
Here's wishing you luck.
I think I like myself, but others don't seem to feel the same way. Maybe I'm to focused on what's wrong with me.
Look, I know how people on this forum have given up on me. I have given up on myself a long time ago. I have dealt with this addiction for a long time. People tire of the same story. You see it on this forum all the time. All I can say is that people do find solice in this forum, even if they are dying. It is a way to say goodbye, John
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
You have been put on this earth for a reason. There is some reason why God hasn't taken you away. There is something in your future that you have no clue about yet. Be patient.
When you speak with someone, work on getting your mind off of how they're perceiving you. Focus completely on them, on how they're doing, on what they're saying. If someone makes a comment at a meeting that you like, go up afterward and tell them that you liked it, and thank them.
That will plant a positive seed about you in the person's mind. In a simple way, compliment everyone who says something you appreciate.
Everybody likes people who genuinely like them. Everybody appreciates appreciation. Don't be phony--you don't have to gush over people--just give them a simple compliment.
Don't be discouraged if you aren't best friends after you do it once to one person. Make it your practice to care about other people. Then compliment.
If you throw enough spaghetti against the wall, some is eventually going to stick!
Best yet, you'll find that you're not hyper-conscious of your SELF anymore.
When you speak with someone, work on getting your mind off of how they're perceiving you. Focus completely on them, on how they're doing, on what they're saying. If someone makes a comment at a meeting that you like, go up afterward and tell them that you liked it, and thank them.
That will plant a positive seed about you in the person's mind. In a simple way, compliment everyone who says something you appreciate.
Everybody likes people who genuinely like them. Everybody appreciates appreciation. Don't be phony--you don't have to gush over people--just give them a simple compliment.
Don't be discouraged if you aren't best friends after you do it once to one person. Make it your practice to care about other people. Then compliment.
If you throw enough spaghetti against the wall, some is eventually going to stick!
Best yet, you'll find that you're not hyper-conscious of your SELF anymore.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 18,239
2muchpain, you seem like an ok guy to me.
I have a lot of problems with social relationships too -- so much I've left them alone most of my life. It's a strange way to live, but you know -- well I know -- that even isolation is better sober than drunk.
And I agree with D that with sobriety time, some of the vibe I send out that has turned people away has softened. The same can happen to you.
I hope you choose to go through the long and honestly rather scary process to find the John you don't yet know on the other side of sobriety. He's there, he might be able to make some really important friends. You're just not there -- YET.
You can be. All of us can.
I have a lot of problems with social relationships too -- so much I've left them alone most of my life. It's a strange way to live, but you know -- well I know -- that even isolation is better sober than drunk.
And I agree with D that with sobriety time, some of the vibe I send out that has turned people away has softened. The same can happen to you.
I hope you choose to go through the long and honestly rather scary process to find the John you don't yet know on the other side of sobriety. He's there, he might be able to make some really important friends. You're just not there -- YET.
You can be. All of us can.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
I
I think I like myself, but others don't seem to feel the same way. Maybe I'm to focused on what's wrong with me.
Look, I know how people on this forum have given up on me. I have given up on myself a long time ago. I have dealt with this addiction for a long time. People tire of the same story. You see it on this forum all the time. All I can say is that people do find solice in this forum, even if they are dying. It is a way to say goodbye, John
I think I like myself, but others don't seem to feel the same way. Maybe I'm to focused on what's wrong with me.
Look, I know how people on this forum have given up on me. I have given up on myself a long time ago. I have dealt with this addiction for a long time. People tire of the same story. You see it on this forum all the time. All I can say is that people do find solice in this forum, even if they are dying. It is a way to say goodbye, John
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
I am glad that you like this forum, John. I like this forum because it gives me something to do during my downtime when I am not working out, studying, or spending time with my husband. I enjoy reading about other peoples' stories as well as giving updates on my own.
I like the suggestion of you maybe seeing a therapist. I see my therapist today at 5 pm pacific time, and I actually now look forward to seeing her. She gives me her full attention (which is what she is supposed to do and paid to do, LOL). But I like that full attention for the full hour. It gives me a chance to get out all of my thoughts and feelings, and to have another professional assess me and help me see what is going on. Sponsors in AA and other members in AA are great resources, but they are not professional counselors.
I like the suggestion of you maybe seeing a therapist. I see my therapist today at 5 pm pacific time, and I actually now look forward to seeing her. She gives me her full attention (which is what she is supposed to do and paid to do, LOL). But I like that full attention for the full hour. It gives me a chance to get out all of my thoughts and feelings, and to have another professional assess me and help me see what is going on. Sponsors in AA and other members in AA are great resources, but they are not professional counselors.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 205,712
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
I
I think I like myself, but others don't seem to feel the same way. Maybe I'm to focused on what's wrong with me.
Look, I know how people on this forum have given up on me. I have given up on myself a long time ago. I have dealt with this addiction for a long time. People tire of the same story. You see it on this forum all the time. All I can say is that people do find solice in this forum, even if they are dying. It is a way to say goodbye, John
I think I like myself, but others don't seem to feel the same way. Maybe I'm to focused on what's wrong with me.
Look, I know how people on this forum have given up on me. I have given up on myself a long time ago. I have dealt with this addiction for a long time. People tire of the same story. You see it on this forum all the time. All I can say is that people do find solice in this forum, even if they are dying. It is a way to say goodbye, John
you've had three pages of really beautiful encouraging stuff.
There's been a couple of blunt posts but they're no less supportive,
Maybe it's time to explore why you've interpreted that as 'people giving up on you'?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 173
John - maybe you've gone now? ...posts seem to have their own life i notice, and peter out after a time. Anyway, I've come into your post rather late. But, if you are still reading, I wanted to say this to you...
That I felt every word you described yesterday. Especially, about feeling alone, and your frustration that so many others around you talk about loneliness only in the next breath to be talking about calling in on friends or having family around or getting together with 'someone' - anyone. And how that can feel a million miles away from your own version of aloneness. I know how that feels. And, it's such a killer feeling. But...i also recognise an awful lot in what Endgame was saying...that there will be something within you that demonstrates itself when you try to be with other people sometimes...that shows up in the interaction with them?... That is saying something to them about how you feel about yourself other than what you are meaning to convey. Phew that was a long sentence! This is my interpretation on some of Endgames thoughts anyway. Gleaned from my own experience of the kind of despairing loneliness you describe. I think there's gonna be something about the way you really feel about yourself - way deep down that will be coming across in your efforts to communicate with others. I am battling myself in getting to know some of this about how I interact with others. Like you, I have no family - historic, or current, and no partner.... I have a couple of long-term friends, but i too can go for days when not working, or most evenings, without a call or anyone knocking at my door, and like you feel i have recently been trying to reach out in a different way to others...but that it just doesnt change anything. I can feel in deep despair about that.
My time is full of working with others to help them...and although I believe I am good at what I do, and like you also feel I quite like myself and like my own company, and I know I look after myself in other ways... However, i am also now coming to see (in the beginnings of early sobriety) that there is something else that probably happens when I come into the company of others - where the possibility is of me getting to know them as a buddy, friend or companion...that is different from what i think is happening. I am beginning to wonder whether these times get clouded by some messages I am sending out unconsciously about what I want or how strongly I need it? - that ultimately put people off, or confuse them, or tells them other than what I intend. Reading your posts, I wondered whether this may be happening with you too? Maybe like me, your early life didn't teach you much about bonding, about being loved, or how to love back? The world is an incredibly tough place to live for those of us who have this early experience? Because the world around us doesn't really get it, John. But I don't want to assume this is part of your own history...
I echo Endgame and others' suggestion of trying therapy - even if you have tried it before....printing out these pages and taking them along as a starter would be something - an easy way to get into how you are feeling.. Or, maybe try group therapy? I am going to try a group for myself to see what i learn in the company of more than just one other person (i've had a lot of one to one therapy over the years). It'll be safer in group therapy to express how you might find others in relation to you. And safer to hear from them what it is they read in you when you are in their space...you know?
A long post, sorry but I hope something in it speaks to you. I also you are ok in yourself now - at least for a bit. I send you my thoughts of kindredship through the ether. LB
That I felt every word you described yesterday. Especially, about feeling alone, and your frustration that so many others around you talk about loneliness only in the next breath to be talking about calling in on friends or having family around or getting together with 'someone' - anyone. And how that can feel a million miles away from your own version of aloneness. I know how that feels. And, it's such a killer feeling. But...i also recognise an awful lot in what Endgame was saying...that there will be something within you that demonstrates itself when you try to be with other people sometimes...that shows up in the interaction with them?... That is saying something to them about how you feel about yourself other than what you are meaning to convey. Phew that was a long sentence! This is my interpretation on some of Endgames thoughts anyway. Gleaned from my own experience of the kind of despairing loneliness you describe. I think there's gonna be something about the way you really feel about yourself - way deep down that will be coming across in your efforts to communicate with others. I am battling myself in getting to know some of this about how I interact with others. Like you, I have no family - historic, or current, and no partner.... I have a couple of long-term friends, but i too can go for days when not working, or most evenings, without a call or anyone knocking at my door, and like you feel i have recently been trying to reach out in a different way to others...but that it just doesnt change anything. I can feel in deep despair about that.
My time is full of working with others to help them...and although I believe I am good at what I do, and like you also feel I quite like myself and like my own company, and I know I look after myself in other ways... However, i am also now coming to see (in the beginnings of early sobriety) that there is something else that probably happens when I come into the company of others - where the possibility is of me getting to know them as a buddy, friend or companion...that is different from what i think is happening. I am beginning to wonder whether these times get clouded by some messages I am sending out unconsciously about what I want or how strongly I need it? - that ultimately put people off, or confuse them, or tells them other than what I intend. Reading your posts, I wondered whether this may be happening with you too? Maybe like me, your early life didn't teach you much about bonding, about being loved, or how to love back? The world is an incredibly tough place to live for those of us who have this early experience? Because the world around us doesn't really get it, John. But I don't want to assume this is part of your own history...
I echo Endgame and others' suggestion of trying therapy - even if you have tried it before....printing out these pages and taking them along as a starter would be something - an easy way to get into how you are feeling.. Or, maybe try group therapy? I am going to try a group for myself to see what i learn in the company of more than just one other person (i've had a lot of one to one therapy over the years). It'll be safer in group therapy to express how you might find others in relation to you. And safer to hear from them what it is they read in you when you are in their space...you know?
A long post, sorry but I hope something in it speaks to you. I also you are ok in yourself now - at least for a bit. I send you my thoughts of kindredship through the ether. LB
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
It was always the want of need for things to be other than they were that caused me pain and suffering .
To make peace with myself in sobriety i had to accept everything just the way it was .
The burden of expectation i placed on myself , others and the world was huge . I was hurt and i was disappointed , Sharp , moody , in the desperate grasping for any glimmer of hope or love i'd manage to strangle the life out of it . I just couldn't get enough !
By genuinely being grateful for waking up sober each morning , by living life on it's own terms , dealing with it as it happens . Working on letting go of resentments , finding out how to relax without booze .
Changing my focus onto how wealthy and glorious things are rather than the paucity and deprivation , how much i have to share , sometimes just a smile and a word and ask nothing back , sometimes thats enough ..
I'm sure there is a way you can live a glorious life , life deals me rubbish sometimes and sometimes it keeps on dropping on me .. So be it , I'll keep on dealing with it .. the sun will shine again , maybe something nice will happen , i'll make a cat purr by tickling it's ears , or i'll see a bird family have chicks ..
"Society" can take an awful lot away from me, hurt like a bad thing , but I won't let it steal my good nature , kindness and compassion or as much as i have within me . That's within my gift alone .
m
To make peace with myself in sobriety i had to accept everything just the way it was .
The burden of expectation i placed on myself , others and the world was huge . I was hurt and i was disappointed , Sharp , moody , in the desperate grasping for any glimmer of hope or love i'd manage to strangle the life out of it . I just couldn't get enough !
By genuinely being grateful for waking up sober each morning , by living life on it's own terms , dealing with it as it happens . Working on letting go of resentments , finding out how to relax without booze .
Changing my focus onto how wealthy and glorious things are rather than the paucity and deprivation , how much i have to share , sometimes just a smile and a word and ask nothing back , sometimes thats enough ..
I'm sure there is a way you can live a glorious life , life deals me rubbish sometimes and sometimes it keeps on dropping on me .. So be it , I'll keep on dealing with it .. the sun will shine again , maybe something nice will happen , i'll make a cat purr by tickling it's ears , or i'll see a bird family have chicks ..
"Society" can take an awful lot away from me, hurt like a bad thing , but I won't let it steal my good nature , kindness and compassion or as much as i have within me . That's within my gift alone .
m
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