thomas11

I've primarily posted recently about the trials and tribulations of my injuries. I just realized I have been sober for 17 days. Longest stretch in forever.
This is my concern, I have a boat load of Valium for muscle relaxers because I occasionally have cramping in my legs and I can't press on them to get them to "release". So their answer was Valium, lots of Valium. I haven't been taking them.
Here's the danger, I know that they give people Valium to help the withdrawal process, now if I was stupid enough to start bendering again I have the medication to ease the withdrawal process. Which in a twisted way makes it easier to drink excessively because I've got the magic pill to avoid the misery that is withdrawal. Of course I don't want to go down that road, but I am acutely aware of it.

least

I guess it depends on how much you want to stay sober.

ScottFromWI

I'd tell your doctor about this concern. If you aren't taking them anyway you can throw them away and avoid the temptation, or you can get an alternate to valium.

Opivotal

I agree with Least.

I was willing to try anything and everything to get sober. The last thing on my mind was finding a way to drink.

Don't let that voice fool you. Remember why you wanted to get sober in the first place.

Best Wishes!

SoberLeigh

It could end badly but it certainly doesn't have to; tell that demonic, lying AV to take a hike.

I have faith in you.

Shining~Again

while many benzos have muscles relaxing properties, they're not the 1st line of drugs to help. Flexeril in particular helped me with spasms. They're specifically for that problem.
As far as the issue with going on a bender cause you have something to help after the bender is over...Why not just ask the doctor for the proper medication? It's a simple request and frankly, a intelligent request.
Personally, I'm surprised you'd get valium for something so off label as muscle spasms. Boggles the mind.

take care Jeff

AnvilheadII

so you are already planning a relapse.....with the cockamamy belief that you also hold the magic pill that will just make it all ok. as i understand you are NOT committed to staying sober long term, only until this unfortunate boo boo is healed and you have the use of your legs again, which were severly damaged when you took a spill while drunk.

if you don't want to "go down that road" than commit right now to not drinking again, ever. don't entertain such thoughts as what you "can get away with". start building a life that does not include alcohol or the fantasy that you can just have one or two like normal people. you HAVE over two weeks sobriety going right now, why not just build on that?

Anna

So, this is a point where you need to make a tough decision. Which way do you want to go?

EndGameNYC

You've demonstrated in the past that knowledge is not power for you and that "awareness" is only thinking out loud your plans for drinking. ("My wife is going away, and I always drink when she's not around.") As has been stated , the "could" part of "could end badly" is entirely up to you.

zjw

one reason i'm terrified to see a shrink is meds. meds like those. I bet i need them. but I know where that might lead for me.

If i had a bottle full of valiums it'd be fairly simple for me too shovel them all in and drink the booze or drink the boose then take them or wtvr either way i'd abuse them for sure.

My 2 cents would be if your already haveing these kinds of thoughts soon as there not medically needed flush the remainder of whats left. Dont plan on drinking and you wont have an issue with potentially /needing/ these for withdrawel.

zjw

in my drugging days no one ever withheld any substance from me. they'd gladly sell me anything. but i had some friends who quickly spotted just how much i liked valiums and when i went hunting around asking who had any they'd all tell me nope aint seen those around. I found out later they all had them but lied to me to keep me out of trouble!

RobbyRobot

Well, it is apparent you don't want to suffer certain consequences of a return to drinking. It is also apparent you in fact have serious desires to pick up that drink, and you're actually staging the planning of how best to mitigate whatever consequences. How sad is that?

You know, I'm unsure why you keep dragging yourself around how difficult it is for you to return to drinking. Any of us can drink. Its not breaking any laws, unless you have a court order to absolutely not have any alcohol. Some felons have such restrictions, and alcohol use can revoke their conditions of parole.

I think there is some self-satisfaction for you in the drama you are creating with your angst with keeping sober. I think you have every right to share as you see fit, but since this is a public forum, you also are inviting others to weigh in too.

For me, I don't see you staying sober in the short term or the long term either. In fact, I doubt your even totally sober now. It's not really important what I think, but on the other hand its also not unimportant.

Why do you continue to struggle with alcohol? Clearly you have every experience to already inform you alcohol is no friend of yours. What else will it take to finally convince you?

thomas11

My original post must not have come across as intended. It was merely to share with people I trust. I am aware of the situation. I'm a firm believer of being aware of what possibilities lie ahead, whether it be issues with alcohol, relationships, work, whatever, pick your subject. That's just the way my mind works. I have no plans to drink, I feel pretty good about the last two and half weeks because I'm not climbing the walls or counting the days until the braces come off so I can go get loaded. Its just a scenario I put out there, and as we all know it comes down to making choices. I have made no plans other than to keep doing what I'm supposed to do to regain my mobility.

RobbyRobot "In fact, I doubt your even totally sober now." That comment kind of hurt a little, but its a public forum and I know that we all open ourselves up to criticism as well as support. I can assure I'm sober, I wouldn't state as much if I was not. I am a lot of things, but a liar is not one of them.

RobbyRobot

I really didn't say your drinking though, you know? Sobriety for me anyways is so much more than just not drinking. I guess I'm really saying your mentality is one of drinking. It really doesn't matter your not getting urges to drink. Feelings really are so subjective anyways.

So no worries. I'm not calling you out as a liar.

CaseyW

I'd talk to the doctor about these thoughts and and about possibly getting rid of the Valium. Especially since you haven't been needing them for their prescribed purpose so far anyways.

Wishing you the best, thomas11!

thomas11

Lethe, I agree with you, I was really surprised. I asked them for an IV bag because I thought that would be the normal course of action. Nope, we prescribe Valium for that. I personally think it has to do with money (doesn't everything). I think its really sad that medical professionals are being hamstrung from doing their jobs because insurance dictates what they will and will not pay for, but that's another subject.

RR, thank you for not calling me a liar. I get what you're saying now that you added some context. Am I officially in sobriety? heck no, I'm not so arrogant as to think I've got this all figured out now after 17 days.

silentrun

You seem to have really good insight on what is going to derail you. You have been right every single time. So you know that having this valium will lead to a relapse. If you are serious about putting this behind you then you have to get rid of it. Take a stand Jeff.

MIRecovery

Sounds like the same old song and dance

Dee74

I think Scott's idea is sound - if you're not taking them, take them back to the pharmacy or whatever, Jeff.

I don't think it's unusual for any of us to start thinking these wild grandiose 'what if' schemes, especially in early recovery.

It's how we respond that counts tho

I've said before that this time could be an awesome opportunity for you to get into recovery. I still think that's true Jeff

Do you think you could do more for your recovery right now?

D

thomas11

I agree with you Dee, and your comments make sense to me. As far as doing more for my recovery, I'm sure there is always more I could do. But I am not drinking and not craving drinking. We talked about some of the thoughts I had the first weekend but beyond that I have so many other things going on that are so much more important than alcohol that I don't feel like I'm in any danger at all.
I will say this, many of us including myself come to this site and lay it all out there, our most intimate weaknesses to total strangers correct? In doing so today I got feedback that eluded to me not being totally sober (although I think we got that cleared up), bringing drama to this website, same old song and dance and already planning my next relapse which would be 6-8 weeks down the road. I disagree with some of those comments and I don't seek attention or drama (I cringe at the thought, I'd prefer to be invisible). If that is what is happening it is unintentional. Lastly, we are all here voluntarily and we join voluntarily and we leave voluntarily. Comments made today tend to make me think about stepping away for awhile. Not sure if I saw one comment on congratulating me on 17 days but rather a few that were kind of negative. If I'm becoming "that guy" who posts and members just read it and roll their eyes, its time for me to go away. I don't want that, and the members don't need it.