ILLmahope82

hello.. I am trying to get some information as I am dealing with a son with addiction. He first was into opiates, brewing tea from poppies then pills, then heroin (injecting). He has been to rehab once already 3 yrs ago but came out of a 30 day program using again. He is in his early 30s and I have tried to help him for years. He lies, steals and will do anything he can to get what he wants/needs. He doesn't seem interested in getting a job even when he comes out if detox (which is about every 3-4 months).. I'm not sure if he just truly doesn't want to give up the drugs or just has no ambition or can't pass a drug test or a combination of these. My husband who has been sober from alcohol & drugs (cocaine, pot, crack) for 9 yrs and I (who has never had an alcohol or drug addiction) took him into our house as he has been homeless for almost 2 yrs.. (Long story short, we have tried helping him before but he is a rule breaker and we have to ask him to leave as we have 2 other kids in the house.. He winds up using under our roof). He is presently staying with us with the initial thought that he agreed to get help via rehab ..again. There is a huge long wait list, however, and it has been 2 months waiting.. And frankly doesn't seem that he will go. I am the one calling, etc .. And haven't had much luck. He is bipolar (per him) and gas ADD.. He takes Adderall, trazodone and Effexor. He seems to abuse at least the Adderall.. They upped his dose to 60 mg a day less than 2 wks ago and had 60 pills of 30 mg each in the bottle ..that was 12 days ago.. His bottle is empty..which means he has been exceeding his prescription daily.. He has been agitated, hyper and moody.. Now I know why. He can go 3 days or more without sleep.. Again, assuming he is overdoing pills... Last night he said his skin was itchy and he evidently ate something that gave him a reaction.. So he took Benadryl... Then took his trazodone so he could sleep.. He was 'out' all day... Slept for almost 20 hours.. My question is.. What effect would Benadryl give him if he took more than the usual dose? Would it help in withdrawing of the Adderall? This is driving me nuts.. I love him and want him to get the help but it doesn't seem like he wants to be off the drugs.. He spends his days and nights online and listening to trance/rave music loudly on headphones.. Doesn't seem to want to choose a new life path.. I hate to see him on the streets again.. He has 2 kids close by and seems like that isn't helping him with stopping the drug abuse either. I don't know what more to do and not sure how much longer I can play things down to my husband so he lets him stay here.. He is a lost soul and I feel helpless .. It's tearing me up inside. Any suggestions or advice appreciated. Thank you.

Dee74

Hi and welcome ILLmahope82

I'm really sorry for what brings you here.

It's really hard if your son doesn't want to quit.

The tough question is - how much are you willing to put up with?

D

IOAA2

Hi and welcome.

This may seem rather cold but your son is the only one that can choose to become healthy, no one can force him successfully except MAYBE being in prison.

I strongly suggest you get involved in Al Anon in your area and on this site the forum Friends and Families. They will offer many methods that have worked for them.

BE WELL

INgal

Hi ILL,
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Having a child with an addiction is the worst hell anyone can go through. My son was prescribed adderall on 2 different occasions and abused it both times. Even though it was helpful for the ADD, we finally got smart and said no more. He realized it too.
Everyone on here is right-you can't make him do anything for his addiction. He has to do it himself. I would suggest maybe an IOP if he won't go full out. It's a big time commitment, plus drug tests, family meeting, etc. but it has been a lifesaver for us.
At some point, you may just have to drop him at a homeless shelter. You shouldn't have to live this way.

Nonsensical

I am sorry to learn of your troubles. It must be heart-breaking to see your child trapped in addiction. There is a Family and Friends of substance abusers section of the forum where you might find some more answers.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR Ill

ILLmahope82

Thank you. I know I am the one who is choosing to go through this again and again. I have a problem 'letting go' which for some reason in my head feels like I'm 'giving up/not caring' which I don't really want to do but yes, I totally get that HE is the one who has to decide that he's fed up living this way and really want help in stopping and staying sober. It is very hard though to let go.. I'm sure everyone with a child or loved one under the influence feels the same.. He is rounding his 3rd month under our roof and he does go from being fine and mellow/easy going to agitated and mouthy .. Not sure if he truly is bipolar or if he has mood swings because of drug taking. I am tired of putting myself out there though for as much as I love him and want him to want to change, I know I can't make that decision for him. I just have to find a way to stop feeling guilty and feeling like a 'bad mother' if I just let him go and live the way he chooses and reaps the consequences.. It's hard..

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! You'll find loads of support here on SR!!

Ruby2

You are so not a bad mother. You've gone the distance and then some. I don't have an addicted child but my husband is an addict. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking. Take care of yourself first. Take care of the other children under your roof. Join the family and friends of substance abusers on here for support. I read somewhere that addicts don't have families, they have hostages. It's so true. Be well.