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I get so scared

Old 06-09-2015, 12:50 PM
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I get so scared

Reading about everyone whose had so much more time than I have sober and relapsing... it unnerves me. Because I feel so strong now and have no inclination to drink, but what if that changes? I read about people much older than me having to start all over, or start for the first time and I don't want that to happen to me. I have a good life and I don't want to jeopardize any of it. And I've started over so many times, I just want this to be the LAST time I have to start over.

Sorry, I'm kind of down in the dumps today. A friend of a friend passed away over the weekend and I keep reading her Facebook, seeing all the things people posting about how much they care about her. I shouldn't torture myself like that, but I can't help it. I knew her, too, not as well, but she was just a kid. At 23 I didn't know which way was up (still not sure I do!) and I can't imagine it all being over so young. I've got another closer friend who has been battling heroin addiction and I haven't talked to him in a while, so now I'm just worrying about him more than usual.

On top of that my dad is back in the hospital and I don't know what to do for him. He's getting very depressed and angry about his situation and I don't know how to be there for him besides giving him all my time, which is limited enough. Not to mention trying to be there for my mom who I am sure is overwhelmed, but we don't talk about our feelings that deeply. We're close, just not a super expressive family.

Ugh. I'm grateful that I don't want to drink today, and I probably won't want to tomorrow either, but geez I get freaked out worrying about it creeping back into my life.
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Old 06-09-2015, 01:22 PM
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From my observations, most people who return to drinking after an extended period do it because they get lax or give up completely on their recovery because they think they are "better". I firmly believe that as long as you follow a plan you can almost guarantee continued sobriety as long as you choose to do so. Later in sobriety of course you might not need to spend nearly as much time every day on it, but i think it's important to at least acknowledge it daily...even if it's just reading some posts here or doing some reflection on your own.

We do all have days where we are "down" and the future is unknown for any of us...but we can control our daily activities. And keeping vigilant every day can eliminate some of the future bad possibilities.
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Old 06-09-2015, 01:36 PM
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I'm sorry that you are having a rough time lately. I hope that your dad improves. Just saying "hi, I'm thinking of you" helps. My father was in the hospital recently and I couldn't get there to visit right away. I talked to him on the phone.

As for relapsing, it does get depressing sometimes to read posts from people who have a bunch of time and then relapse. I think it goes to what Scott says, we get lax. Some of us. Or the things that were working for us in the beginning aren't working so well anymore and we don't recognize that and make alterations. Or we know they aren't working as well anymore and don't make alterations to get us back on track. I have been getting lax myself lately and it's getting me into scary territory. I'm working on changing that. I have 18 months. I was freaking out yesterday, asking myself "how am I ever going to get to 2 years? How?" Then the simple answer came and I felt a lot better. I'll get there one day at a time. I won't drink today.
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Old 06-09-2015, 01:44 PM
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I think it's wise to be aware that recovery is an ongoing process, but I hope that you can overcome your fear. You have a choice and you do not need to choose to relapse. Each day of recovery makes you stronger.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.
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Old 06-09-2015, 02:37 PM
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i have a feeling if i pickup again its going to be a very conscious decision to do so an F it moment of sorts. I dunno that i'll get laxed and slip up or something.

to me this makes it easier becuase in my mind right now i see it as a "choice" one i dont wanna make as long as it remains a choice I dont believe i'll wanna make it.

I dont see myself going "oh gee one drink wont do me any harm" I doubt i'd do that. I'll haul off and get ticked at life and head straight to the liquor store then maybe or maybe not have a tough choice on my hands as i open it up.


so long as you realize you'd be opening pandoras box i think your less inclined to bother with it.
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Old 06-09-2015, 03:16 PM
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KeepTruckin,
My mate got sober Jan 6th 1986 , he's still sober now .. I'll use him as my yardstick , he does what he needs to ,to get through .

You can do it too ..

Seems to me life is given to us in day sized chunks because thats about the most we can deal with in 24 hrs .

If i stay faithful to my sober routine experience says i can get through till sleep time .
Tomorrow is a new fresh day with it's own rewards and challenges and i'll be better suited to meet them if i let tomorrow happen tomorrow and not let it happen all over today.

m
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Old 06-09-2015, 04:00 PM
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Very good discussion, thank you
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Old 06-09-2015, 06:20 PM
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Im constantly scared of my drinking. Everytime i see people enjoying a cocktail i think of what could happen if i have a single drink. Its just something i have to deal with. Great job. Hang in there.
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Old 06-09-2015, 06:28 PM
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Hi KT

I hope I can set your mind at ease a little.,

Relapse is not inevitable.

It's probably human nature to focus on the relapses here, but there are many great long term success stories too.

Many of them are in this forum:
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

take a read through

I decided I would never drink again and I would do whatever it took to uphold that promise to myself. 8 years on, I'm doing fine.

I think if you're worried about relapse it's actually not a bad sign - you're not complacent, or getting apathetic and you're reaching out for help and advice - all those are good things.

Relapses happen when we drop the ball. It's impossible to relapse without our consent - so don't drop the ball and don't give your consent -

go that extra yard or 6 when needed and stay in recovery

D
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Old 06-09-2015, 06:35 PM
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Something that I enjoy is actually reading or listening to other people in recovery-the good, the bad, the ugly. Every single time I hear something I need to.

My thoughts are with you.
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Old 06-09-2015, 08:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi KT

I hope I can set your mind at ease a little.,

Relapse is not inevitable.

It's probably human nature to focus on the relapses here, but there are many great long term success stories too.

Many of them are in this forum:
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

take a read through

I decided I would never drink again and I would do whatever it took to uphold that promise to myself. 8 years on, I'm doing fine.

I think if you're worried about relapse it's actually not a bad sign - you're not complacent, or getting apathetic and you're reaching out for help and advice - all those are good things.

Relapses happen when we drop the ball. It's impossible to relapse without our consent - so don't drop the ball and don't give your consent -

go that extra yard or 6 when needed and stay in recovery

D
When I first joined SR, I occasionally found myself intimidated by the amount of time others had achieved sober ... and wondered whether I could really do it.

One of the first things I learned was that Dee is one smart fella. And he just gave you some sound counsel, KT. Good words to remember when the going gets tough. For that matter, words to keep close in general.
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Old 06-09-2015, 09:19 PM
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Hi KT,
When I first got sober I attended a lot of meetings. It scared the crap out of me the folks with many years of sobriety and then ending up relapsing.
I thought, all this work and effort and I could just fall back after so many years?! It really sent me into a panic for a while.
Now I don't know what made these people fall back, but I know that for me, the more time I have sober, the less chance I am going to give that up.
I can't predict the future, but I know I will not drink today.
And when tomorrow is today, I know I will not drink.
It gets better.
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